Manopera! Episode 53: Half-WOKEN???

Chris and Spaceman Frank discuss a crazy amount of news that has recently happened within the pro wrestling world.

For more awesome content, check out www.bonesawzine.com.
Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

SSEP: Episode 29 – End Of Fantasy Eli’s Fantasy WWE Women’s Divison Talk

Jon addresses the unluckiest Fantasy Football season ever and also argues with the Jewharaja on Eli’s consecutive start streak and the WWE women’s division.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

The Padre (Alpha Test)

In the olden days of point-and-click gaming, there were no walkthroughs, no online forums, or even strategy guides. Beating such a game required hours of thought, effort, and tedious trial error.

In an era loaded with point-and-click survival horror games all too reliant on cheap jump scares and lazy mechanics comes a chilling Lovecraftian indie throwback to the good old days.

Enter “The Padre,” a story about a priest searching for his friend alone in a decrepit mansion where everything goes bump in the night – including our hero.

The first thing you’ll notice about The Padre is the block style visuals. While this design choice draws too many similarities to Minecraft, it’s the only modern thing players will compare it to. That said, it’s hard not to wonder how much better the game would look if the graphics were slightly more realistic, even if they maintained their cartoonish charm.

Don’t let these looks fool you, this game is beyond creepy.

The story of the twisted mansion and the struggle our man of the cloth must endure takes you into the mind of the human psyche. The mansion is loaded with plenty of fun horror cliche’s and abundant with terror thanks to a pitch-perfect soundtrack by developer Shotgun with Glitters.

In addition to a terrifyngly compelling story, there are puzzles galore throughout your quest and plenty of baddies and traps to keep you on edge and unravel the mystery of the mansion and our clergyman’s demented past. The Padre also contains a litany of items and old-school mechanics that will keep your brain wracked around the game.

Another part of The Padre’s charm is the downright hilarious voiceovers. Some lines are delivered with such cheese, it’s hard not to crack up at your PC, which will, of course, result in death.

Speaking of death, there is one horrendous glitch that will frustrate gamers to no end.

If you die after clicking the icon to enter another room and the entrance initiates, you will appear in the next room postmortem. Reloading the file will not fix this, as the game autosaves when you get to the next room. The only way out of this one is to restart the game from the beginning.

On the bright side, the game is still in its alpha testing stages, so it’s likely this issue will be resolved before the final product is available.

Aside from “Notchy” looking graphics and a perilous problem, The Padre is a winner for old-school gamers looking for a spooktacular challenge. Shotgun with Glitters has taken their time and done its due diligence on what gamers really want in a story and gameplay, hitting you right in the nostalgia button.

The Padre is currently garnering crowdfunding support through Brightlocker, where the demo may be downloaded in an effort to help the game earn its keep (and hopefully your hard-earned cash).

 

Bonesaw Podcast – Episode 54: Exhumed’s Matt Harvey Returns

Death metal destuctionista Matt Harvey returns to our show to talk about Exhumed’s new album Death Revenge, plans for his Death-inspired band Gruesome, and much much more.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Manopera! Episode 52: Survivor Series 2017 / NXT War Games Supershow

After a long Thanksgiving weekend, Chris and Spaceman Frank review NXT TakeOver: War Games (with enthusiasm) and Survivor Series 2017 (with less enthusiasm).
Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

F*ck Mondays! Episode 45: Thor/Justice League Thanksgiving Special

In honor of Thanksgiving, Chris and Jon review Thor Ragnarok, Justice League, and The Punisher.
Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

 

SSEP: Episode 28 – NXT WAR GAMES Review / WWE Survivor Series Preview

Jon and the Jewharaja review NXT TakeOver: War Games and preview WWE Survivor Series.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Spaceman Frank’s Survivor Series 2017 Predictions

by Frank Lucci

It’s time for the last Big Four PPV of the year for the WWE, and the company has gone all-out making people get hyped for this event.

Even though they announced many of the matches weeks in advance the constant shift in participants has left audiences guessing both who would be involved in the marquee matches and if WWE actually had a plan.  This has benefited some wrestlers such as AJ Styles while leaving others (Jinder Mahal, Natalya, KO and Sami Zayn, etc) in the cold.

Mostly though things have worked out for the best for the audience, and really isn’t that what matters the most (if you work for WWE please don’t ask Vince or Triple H that, they will probably fire and/or Pedigree you)? Now, hopefully, WWE can translate these dream matches from the booking sheet to the ring, or this PV could start dragging like a modern day ‘Mania.

One thing I will say is while I appreciate the excitement the brand wars has brought to weekly TV, it does not make sense (YOU WORK ON TUESDAYS YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! DIE!!!!!!). I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my Survivor Series 2017 predictions.

Enzo Amore (c) vs. Kalisto (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)

This sole match on the two-hour preshow (unless they just throw together something else to kill time) sees these two go at it yet again. Really, they have not done much to make people care about this rematch, and my main thought during their encounters is wondering what other cruiserweights are doing currently. At least we got Drew Gulak and his Powerpoints.

I do not see a reason why WWE would choose Kalisto over Amore to be the face of the division (besides the fact that he is, you know, an excellent wrestler) so Amore will win here after doing some standup to kill some minutes.

The Miz (IC Champ) vs. Baron Corbin (US Champ)

This feud has mostly taken place on social media, which is a shame because it has been pretty spectacular.

The Miz has brought some real deal fire to Corbin, and it really makes me hope Miz gets a real feud to sink his teeth into at some point instead of jerking the curtain.  

Meanwhile, Corbin has just kind of existed as champ, farting around with the likes of Sin Cara instead of getting embarrassed in promo contests with his Raw counterpart. Corbin seems like management’s boy, but really I see this as another SummerSlam situation where Corbin gets stomped on by a vet to teach him some manners IRL. Miz gets a rare win on the main card before meandering around the preshows some more.

The Bar vs. The Usos (Tag Team Champs vs. Champs match)

Two teams doing their best work are clashing, and this should a barnburner of a match.

The Usos have gone steadily towards tweener territory with fans recognizing their hard work plus the scary chop block Chad Gable gave over in England. Meanwhile, Cesaro and Sheamus has anchored many a Raw half hour with their work, and despite the whole attempted murder of Stroman thing The Bar has had a strong year.

So who wins here? I see Raw’s team getting the win here since they have been consistently the better team and they have held the belts longer. Now, hopefully, something goes wrong and we get more of Cesaro shrugs memes.

The Shield vs. The New Day

A “holy cow I need this in my life even though this was not in a card a week ago” match if I’ve ever seen one sees perhaps the most popular three-person teams of the decade square off.

What adds to this match is the fact that Roman Reigns has been out with whatever disease he had, so this is their first reunited PPV match. It almost makes us forget that he is going to headline WrestleMania 34 and ruin things for everyone all over again.

The New Day will probably get their promo time in as well, which makes me concerned just how long this PPV will be. Since The Shield are all former world champions they seem to be the choice to win, but honestly I wouldn’t be that surprised if The New Day sneak in a win due to all the merch money they sell.

Team Raw (Alicia Fox, Nia Jax, Asuka, Sasha Banks, and Bayley) vs. Team SmackDown (Becky Lynch, Carmella, Naomi, Tamina, and TBA)

First off: Who is the mystery member of Team Smackdown? Is it the obvious choice of Natalya? The obvious choice of Paige? The less obvious choice but still not surprising Nikki Bella? We shall see.

The next big question is who will actually win this match?

On one hand, I would say that SmackDown’s team unity (minus TBA person) would seem to give them an advantage.

On the other hand, we have Asuka on team Raw, and if she loses in this match I will throw something out the window. Now is not the time to have her lose, but rather dominate and seal the win for Team Raw.

Hopefully, they also have her beat the piss out of Team Raw along with everyone backstage before locking eyes with Braun and forming an epic romance. I’d pay money to see that.

Charlotte vs. Alexa Bliss (Champion vs. Champion)

Another dream match out of nowhere sees tiny but spunky taking on an Amazon for bragging rights.

Really, the build for this match was Bliss giving Charlotte a forearm, but who cares when we got two excellent workers getting ready to go to war.

Charlotte is the one on a hot streak right now with her dad’s doc getting some attention and winning the title on the last SmackDown before Survivor Series. Meanwhile, Bliss has been on Total Divas having a ball with her BFF Nia Jax, which consistently has been entertaining when the boys on the show troll everything.

With Charlotte being the hot commodity right now, I see her winning and getting a win in the column for Team Blue.

Brock Lesnar vs. AJ Styles (Champion vs. Champion)

While Jinder vs. Brock would have been an interesting thought experiment/fever dream/WWE 2K18 Sim, having AJ Styles win the belt and face The Beast is fantastic. 

His victory is the highlight of SmackDown weekly TV for the year, and he is a natural challenger to Lesnar. I cannot stress how excited I am for this match, and every minute Styles hangs in the ring with the Universal champ is a victory for people who believe being the best worker in the company should warrant you a shot on top of the card. With Jinder, I thought a Brock win would be more secure, but I honestly give Styles more leeway to potentially win than Mahal (especially because the India tour has been downsized).

That being said, this is the one cross-promotion match that will end in a DQ/no contest. It would be weird to have one champ pin another, and Styles really deserves the non-finish over just jobbing to Brock. He has shoulders bigger than my television, he looks strong enough let AJ get the count-out or shenanigans happen so he can hold his head high.

Team Raw (Kurt Angle, Braun Strowman, Finn Bálor, Samoa Joe, and Triple H) vs. Team SmackDown (Shane McMahon, Randy Orton, Bobby Roode, Shinsuke Nakamura, and John Cena)

This traditional Survivor Series match sees an all -tar jamboree throwdown to various degrees of hype.

While guys like John Cena and Triple H have just kind snuck into this match it is hard to argue that they add to this more as stills on the graphic than dudes like Rusev or Jason “happy to be here” Jordan.

My low-key person I hope does well here: Bobby Roode. He has not been very prominent in this build, and I really hope he gets to pin somebody and look good to establish him to newer fans.

I think in the end, this match will come down to what team gets sabotaged by interference worse. I can see Jordan trying to avenge himself against Triple H to impress his dad Kurt Angle. But at the same time, I do not know how you have this PPV with no KO and Sami Zayn, and I think they will cost SmackDown the match.

Sure, that gives Raw many of the victories for this PPV, but really do you expect WWE to make SmackDown look better than Raw?

 

Spaceman Frank’s NXT TakeOver: War Games Predictions

by Frank Lucci

Houston’s Takeover seemed to be on a pretty clear path, until somebody in WWE (Triple H) got a huge nostalgia trip for classic WCW and decided to make this into a War Games-themed event. That combined with NXT having a future taping in the same building as one of WCW’s shows and the resurrection of Starcade as a live event proves that The H man really, really, reallyyyyyy wants to turn back the clock to the early 90’s.

This has been met with some mixed results (see my live reading of the revamped War Games rules and Chris’ reaction on the latest episode of Manopera!), but it is a TakeOver, so it should be pretty rad. Now if only WWE would put Gargano vs. Dunne for the UK Championship on the main show because WHY WOULDN’T YOU DO THAT WE ALL WANT IT WHY ARE YOU MAKING US WAIT A WEEK YOU MONSTERS???  I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my NXT Takeover: War Games predictions.

Kassius Ohno vs. Lars Sullivan

Kassius “Player Coach” Ohno gets his first singles match on a Takeover, taking on the suddenly ascendant Lars “Human Gargoyle” Sullivan. Granted, much of the people on this card can be considered “suddenly ascendent” but Sullivan, in particular, seems destined for something bigger. He is very much NXT’s Braun Stroman, and I can see Vince getting one look at him and penciling him into a main roster run before he is truly ready. But hey Stroman was not day one ready, and look where he is now.

Meanwhile, Ohno is putting his undefeated streak on the line, but really he is here to make himself look good while losing to the newest NXT freak. I just wish we got a more substantial feud for this along with Ohno getting more chances to show his stuff.  A good little match that isn’t as good as Gargano vs Dunne BECAUSE NOTHING WILL BE EVER that sees Sullivan getting the win.

Aleister Black vs. The Velveteen Dream

Before this feud began I would have thought there would be no way this could have pushed my interest at all. However young Patrick Clark has made the most of a gimmick that could have gone very poorly very quickly. He commits to the character and adds just the right amount of uncomfortable to keep it PG. Meanwhile Black is the perfect foil for him, as the zen-like guy who refuses to give attention to the Dream. One minor flaw I see in this is that Back obviously craves attention too, since he is covered in tattoos, rises from the smoke during his entrance, and sits in the ring with spotlights on him. Do not tell me you’d not like attention seekers and do that stuff. Anyway, Aleister is the vet and Clark was born in 1995, so Black will defeat The Velveteen Dream like he was The Velveteen Rabbit and Black was Scarlet Fever.

Ember Moon vs. Peyton Royce vs. Nikki Cross vs. Kairi Sane (Fatal Four Way for the Vacant NXT Women’s Championship)

How mad must Sane be? She wins this epic Mae Young Classic, beating some of the best in the world, and gets to be 25% of the match for Asuka’s forfeited championship. I would have made this a one on one match with Kairi facing the winner of an NXT only tournament to make things a little more even. That being said, this is a pretty good field of women who represent the future of the women’s division in NXT and beyond.

It is easy to write Royce right off the gate here, and while I think she has the least chance of winning I am curious to see if we see a serious Peyton make a run during the match. Moon would be an obvious choice as next champ since she has frequently been in the title picture, but honestly, I think Cross has eclipsed her (see what I did there?) in popularity. But all in all, I do not see the Sane Train being derailed despite the gap from the Mae Young Classic to now. She is too good, too adorable, and too badass to not get a chance to carry the belt.

Drew McIntyre (c) vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas w/ Zelina Vega (NXT Championship Match)

Perhaps the match most screwed over by the inclusion of War Games sees McIntyre bypass most other logical challengers and face the out of nowhere Almas for the belt.

This is a big high risk/high reward match for both, and they really need a strong showing to not make this a dud.

To be fair, Drew has been putting on some very solid matches during NXT’s weekly show, and Almas has been doing much better character work as a heel. Vega has also been a revelation as the female manager who not only mixes it up on the mic and (gasp) gets involved in matches in the same way a man would. She is perhaps the most complete person involved into the match, and if she gets into the women’s division I am all for it.

Since Almas is pretty much filler since every other main eventer is busy I do not see him  winning. I just hope D-Mac gets a proper program before his main roster jump back to WWE.

Authors of Pain with Roderick Strong vs. Undisputed Era vs. Sanity (War Games Match)

The rules for this match…suck. Shark cages, wildly unfair rules, and way too much complications make this simple match into a Mario Party minigame. How could they decide this is the best way to what could be an old-school formulaic match (heels get numbers advantage, face shows up to save the day, repeat until all people are in the ring) into a big old cluster?

I can see Strong being the one guy being left along valiantly trying to hold his own until AOP shows up and has a weird Big Damn Hero moment. Meanwhile, I’ll bet my excellent Scary Jesus Rock Star beer that Undisputed Era gets the early numbers advantage.

I cannot say I am super excited for this match, but I should not be bad. My pick for a winner would be Sanity, since I see Strong and the Era’s feud building from here and the tag champions sneaking in a win.

Manopera! Episode 51: What is Going On???

Chris and a slightly less salty Seaman Frank discuss major news in the world of professional wrestling.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

SSEP: Episode 27 – UFC 217 Review / WWE Recap / Alpha vs. Omega

Jon and the Jewharaja are back following a 3-week hiatus and discuss UFC 217, Recap the current events of WWE and discuss Alpha vs Omega.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Harp House Episode 23 – Making Sense of Michael Rubin’s New DM48 Tuning

In this episode, Connor and Michael break down a new chord tuning for the DM48. Make sure to bust out your pencil and paper for this one!

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Valence – He Tried to Kill Me With A Forklift

Complex melodies combined with exceedingly rigorous fretwork manifest  into a track from New Rochelle progmasters Valence that features a title just as ridiculous as the music that follows it.

He Tried to Kill Me With a Forklift.”

The single, released August 18 will take its true form Friday when Decibel magazine premieres the music video.

“Forklift” features chuggy yet harmonious overtones coupled with superb shredding, a slight nod to Iron Maiden’s “Wasted Years,” and a thick rhythm section pulling it all together. While the track is a heavy six-minute instrumental, the constant changes and revolving door of time signatures keeps one embedded in its near-bloody purpose.

“This was actually one of the first songs we’ve written that’s not part of a larger piece of music (like a concept album), so the focus was definitely riffs and groove rather than any particular concept, unlike our previous releases,” says guitarist Michael Buonanno, who adds that that reason alone was why Valence felt “Forklift” was best served as a standalone.

Although a bunch of prog dudes never actually did get into a forklift fight in space as Valence’s Bandcamp page insinuates, the title actually references a running gag from the cult sci-fi meets Jim Henson-like verbal jousting show Mystery Science Theater 3000.

“It originally comes from the “Fugitive Alien” episode if you want to dig it up,” Buonanno said. “We wanted the title to fit the vibe of the song: kinda quirky and funny but also bad ass, and once that [Mystery Science Theater 3000] came up, we couldn’t name the song anything else.”

In addition to the mayhem and math-metal madness, Valence will also open for Scale the Summit and Angel Vivaldi on November 10 at the Kingsland in Brooklyn, NY. To help mitigate the buzz – and grow their fanbase, the four-piece is enlisting the help of Dewar PR.

“That show is going to be off the hook,” Buonanno said. “We were bugging out when we received the email.”

Ministry, Death Grips at the Electric Factory

Me, Jesse, Doug, Nick, and Andrew used a billing of both of these awesome bands as an excuse to make a road trip to Philly.  On the way there we did some random things such as eat cheese steaks at Gino’s and visited the famous Bomb Bomb bar.

At around 7:30, we got to the venue for the first band of the night.

Death Grips

I was very excited to see Death Grips finally after knowing them since Exmilitary came out. Doug and Jesse were both very excited being big fans as well (with them being Jesse’s favorite band). They did not speak a word during the entire set, knocking out over 20 songs in 45 minutes.

They didn’t run out of energy for a second and played so many great songs such a “Takyon,” “Guillitine,” “No Love,” “I’ve Seen Footage” and “Fever. ” They stole the show and even Andrew – who hates hip hop liked the set.

Ministry

Ministry’s set was decent but could have been better.

They played mostly stuff from the Last Sucker and onward – an era I’m not a fan of.  However, they did sound pretty awesome when playing later songs like “NWO,” “Just One Fix” and “Lies, Lies, Lies.”

We left an hour into their set due to being so far from home in addition to them not playing  a lot of their classic tracks (seriously no “Stigmata”????).

All and all, Ministry did fine but Death Grips owned the night!!

Seaman Frank’s TLC 2017 Predictions

by frank Lucci

Friday before WWE’s latest PPV I was preparing a very depressing intro where I talked about how many shots of black rum I would need to get through even writing the preview for TLC, let alone how much booze would be needed to watch the show. I was thoroughly in Seaman Frank mode, especially when Mayoral Candidate Kane burst through the ring on Raw. At that point I was so salty I was thinking about another gimmick change to Salt Man Frank, the worst Mega Man boss of all time. I was truly a broken and beaten man.

“BAH GAWD THAT’S VIRAL INFECTIONS MUSIC! WHAT’S HE DOING HERE ON RAW???!!!”

Yes, it is very tragic and sad that many WWE Superstars are sick enough to warrant keeping them home and isolated from the rest of the roster, but I do not think anyone can pretend for a second that this has made TLC about 1000% more watchable (Sure they are pretty much throwing many prominent storylines out the window, but c’mon would you rather have bad but logical storylines or Kurt Freakin’ Angle?). Plus throw in Asuka’s debut (which was going to be the sole highlight before all this) and this has a chance to make everyone forget, just for a little while, all the doom and gloom surrounding the WWE these past few weeks. And if things get boring, well, you can always watch Rusev play Madden.  I’m Seaman Frank and here are my TLC 2017 Predictions!

Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox (Honey BBQ KFC DLC Scrappy Doo Slugfest)

This match comes after Fox got her first t-shirt after almost a decade of employment in the WWE, and it is great if you are a furry and crap for everyone else. She is coming out of nowhere to take on Banks, who seems to be doing important things (winning, losing, and then challenging for the women’s belt since SummerSlam) and nothing at all (losing or disappearing from television frequently).

Really, there is no reason for this match to happen, but hey there are only six matches on the main show so maybe this will get bumped up and we will have three women’s matches on a PPV. If people are sick you might as well take advantage of the moment and give the ladies and cruiserweights a shot. Sasha wins and Foxy disappears again until she is needed to act crazy at someone.

Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher vs. Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann

This match promises to be pretty exciting, especially if they get a decent amount of ring time to tell a story. With Nevile most likely gone from the company and rumors swirling that many superstars are unhappy, some have put two and two together to say that this is WWE’s attempt to pacify the cruiserweights.

It remains to be seen if this is just people piggybacking on Neville’s departure or legit gripes talent has, but at least for this PPV the division has a chance to shine. All four men are unique talents and can potentially steal the show, though it remains to see seen if the audience cares about this battle. Side note: can Alexander and Swann be a proper team outside the cruiserweights? That would be awesome. Team Swaxander wins in a cool little bout.

Kalisto (C) vs. Enzo Amore (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)

I am not sure what the WWE is trying to do with the cruiserweight title, as they brought in Enzo and got people talking. Then Neville quit and Enzo lost the title to colder than Antarctica Kalisto who is about as boring of a choice for champ as asking for towels for Christmas. I mean we should be happy for Kalisto, but shoving him straight to the top was misguided at best. Enzo’s momentum is gone, and whatever they wanted to do creatively with him is out the window.

So where does the cruiserweights go from here? I am guessing they swap the title back to Enzo like they did with Tozawa and Neville and then thrust a random person into the title picture. Gentleman Jack, maybe?

Alexa Bliss (C) vs. Mickie James (WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match)

I am excited for this match, besides the fact the build centers around Bliss calling James old. Seriously, Mickie James is 38 and looks amazing. I do not know anyone who says differently (STOP THIS NONSENSE WWE).

Anyway, it is about time they do something with James. She is very talented and could definitely be a boon to the division that needs some fresher faces in it. Plus she has already faced the debuting Asuka before down in NXT, so it is a good time to build her up so they can have a killer rematch. I get the feeling that Bliss is in a holding pattern until Nia Jax comes back from her sabbatical, so I am guessing she retains here and we get that feud soon after. Hopefully that feud does not fall into the same trap and WWE has Bliss call Jax fat…unless they bring in Scott Steiner as Bliss’ manager.  

Asuka vs. Emma

Emma won the right to be murdered …err… face off against Asuka in the latter’s PPV debut.

This should be a doozy of a match, as before all the Shield hype this seemed to be the match getting the most hype. I truly hope WWE does not drop the ball here, and if Asuka loses her streak to a random person on Raw in three weeks I will drop kick my TV. These two had a superb match back in NXT, so I imagine this will be an exciting squash. The question will be when Asuka gets into the title picture and if mainstream audiences take to the Empress of Tomorrow. Asuka wins and continues the streak until ‘Mania where she squashes Goldberg and challenges Lesnar in the ultimate Kaiju Big Battle.

Finn Balor vs. AJ Styles

What was going to be the disaster between a pumpkin and a cross dresser has immediately been updated to The Demon vs. one of the best wrestlers in the world.

This has a ton of potential, and I think this could be the sneaky match of the night. Just let these guys work a Japanese-style match for thirty minutes and give the audience something to sink their teeth into (just don’t have Finn use the pumpkin facepaint. Just…no).

Also, I am praying that it does not turn out that Styles was Sister Abigail all along. I mean, that would be a hell of twist, but I would be terrified to hear AJ’s creepy lady voice. With Finn rumored to eventually face Lesnar and AJ facing the immediate opponent for The Beast I think Finn will go over here. AJ can survive the loss, and Finn needs some solid wins for people to care about his eventual push towards the Universal Championship.

Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Kurt Angle vs. Cesaro, Sheamus, Kane, The Miz, and Braun Strowman (5 on 3 Handicap TLC Match)

Getting rid of Roman Reigns and replacing him with Kurt Freaking Angle is a godsend.

While before this was all just a way to drag seven different men into a situation to get people to cheer Reigns now is the return of a legend and a buffet of talented men ready to throw themselves into the mouth of madness. Still, there is some lingering problems here, such as why this is still a handicap match? I hope Braun is just like “nah I’m good” and leaves and Mayoral Candidate Kane just disappears forever.

At this point the match has changed so much they might as well just be like “our bad here is a regular match” and have Kane put over Braun. Since it seemed like a lock The Shield would win here before I am tempted to say they will win here, but I am going a different route. I think the numbers game will catch up to Team Sh-Angle, especially with the No-DQ setting. Braun or Miz get the pin on old man Angle and team Five Bar Miz-assic wn.

 

Spaceman Frank’s WWE Hell in a Cell 2107 Predictions

by Frank Lucci

Hell in a Cell – It’s happening, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

Despite having a larger amount of time to build to this show than Raw the SmackDown Live, the creative team have done nothing to really make this interesting. Sure, Shane McMahon got beat up, but that happens before every Shane match. Other than that we have a bunch of rematches and and throwaway feuds that are meant to kill time until Survivor Series (I honestly got this event confused with TLC and I am amazed WWE has the balls to put two gimmick Pay-Per-Views in one month).

At least we got The New Day and the Usos, a match that everyone cares about…except for the creative team since their previous matches have all been on preshows and curtain jerkers. But hey, now it’s a big deal! I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my Hell in a Cell 2017 predictions.

Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin vs. The Hype Bros (Preshow Slapfest Spectacular)

Do we have name for the team of Gable and Benjamin yet? Is American Beta too obvious? What about Cha-jamin? Anyway they face The Hype Bros, that team that looked to be breaking up, may still do that, but nobody cares either way. Fun fact: in 2017 Mojo Rawley won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal and Zack Ryder was starring in comeback hype videos on YouTube. How the mighty have fallen.

Gable really had a chance to be a breakout star with his impressive singles matches, but instead he teams with a veteran to keep him hemmed into the tag team scene. Cha-jamin win here because they are the newer team and still have potential unlike the shambling remains of The Hype Bros.

Randy Orton vs. Rusev

Why? Just Why? Why throw this on PPV again instead of giving Sami Zayn a match? Or Tye Dillinger? Nope, gotta put Orton on PPV to continue his streak of ruining everything for everyone in 2017.

Poor, poor Rusev. Poor, poor WWE. Poor, poor humanity. Orton wins because of course he going to win he won in like 30 seconds at SummerSlam WHY DO WE NEED TO SEE THIS AGAIN??? WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS???

Bobby Roode vs. Dolph Ziggler

The battle between the guy with a cool entrance and his jealous coworker.

Ziggler is the guy that feuds with whoever showed up last, and while objectively I should care about this match, I just can’t find a reason why this needs to be a PPV match rather than a random match on SmackDown. Hopefully this match will surprise me and be really good, but I see this as being a way to kill about ten minutes with entrances and 15 minutes in the ring. Roode wins as the new guy who will probably move into the main event scene sooner rather than later.

AJ Styles (C) vs. Baron Corbin (US Title Match)

Baron Corbin couldn’t beat Mahal, couldn’t beat Cena, and couldn’t beat Dillinger (somebody give that man a title shot!).

I get that WWE has to do something to rehab his character, but constantly losing and getting rewarded for it is not the answer. Shouldn’t this be Styles vs. Dillinger as a way to crown The Perfect 10 as the hot new babyface? Instead we get Baron’s weird belly and receding hairline that is disappearing faster than management’s faith in him.

Despite my gripes about Baron I think he will win here. Sure AJ is better in every conceivable way, but I think they need him in the main event picture now. The WWE Championship is in a weird place where it is clearly not the focus of the show and fans know the best wrestlers do not challenge for it, so having Styles chase the belt will help rebuild it and Mahal as well. So Corbin will become champ and try to get some momentum going again after a rocky summer.

Natalya (C) vs. Charlotte (WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship Match)

Nattie’s title reign has been..a thing that has happened, and she has been a massive afterthought despite SmackDown having very little going on. It is sad really as this will probably be a good match that is going to set several records.

According to the champ herself, she will break Trish Stratus’ record of most PPV matches by a women in WWE and her and Charlotte will be the first pair of women to fight for the NXT, Divas, Raw and SmackDown Women’s titles. So why isn’t that the main focus of their feud???

For all of WWE’s talk about focusing more on women and treating them as equal to the men they sure messed up this historic match. It looks like a slam dunk for Charlotte to win her sixth (Sixth??? Really??!!!) women’s championship and go on to be the face of SmackDown’s women’s division.

The New Day (C) vs. The Usos (Hell in a Cell Match for the WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship)

The Savior of this PPV sees these two white hot teams square off in Hell in a Cell.

While WWE has not done the best to keep this feud seem important enough to warrant a match in the demonic structure, the fans know these guys will deliver in the ring. I expect some exciting yet PG spots and some crazy bumps to take place, and with the added drama of everyone in the ring at once I see this being a hoot.

The big question is if Xavier Woods will be able to get into the cell as well, or if he will hold off getting involved. With the other Hell in a Cell match guaranteed to have some sort of big stunt it is good to have this here to be the excellent wrestling match to balance it out. The Usos could sneak away with the belts here, but I think The New Day retain since they are such huge ambassadors for the company.

Jinder Mahal (C) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (WWE Championship Match)

WWE has a tour of India in December, so guess who’s winning this match?

WWE has left it wide open for the Singh Brothers to interfere yet again, so that seems like the most obvious route to a finish here since we have seen that in literally every Mahal match. Nakamura is in a weird place where he is getting a huge push, but it seems like creative have no idea how to capitalize on the unique superstar. Meanwhile, WWE has flushed any nuance and subtly with Mahal’s character down the drain when they decided to have him tell racist jokes.

When the crowd chants “That’s Too Far,” it’s easy to see why attendance is hitting record lows. Mahal wins again and hopefully we get Styles in the title picture to see if Mahal can step up and have a decent match for once.

Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens (Hell in a Cell match)

This Hell in a Cell match will probably lead to some memorable moment WWE puts into video packages for years.

I’ve heard rumors that WWE is filming something with a stunt Shane so he does not hurt himself, which is good for protecting his health but lessens the excitement factor. This is the only match WWE has thought to put some effort in, because Shane is the coolest dad on the roster and it’s a big deal when he decides to let someone beat him up (sorry, Titus).

I hope Shane brings his kids to the match and Owens throws them off the cell one at a time. 

Owens wins and possibly moves into the title picture at some point, though he has appeared on advertisements for Raw brand live events. Because Raw definitely needs more wrestlers they can ignore.

Why Nuclear Hatred Broke Up

Earlier this week, guitarist Robert Orr and myself decided to disband our crossover/thrash metal band Nuclear Hatred (formerly Zamboni) of seven years.

For six of those seven we were known as Zamboni, a punk/thrash powerhouse that never took itself too seriously. In that time we released a demo, two EP’s, a live album, and our one and only album. Those were good days. Thanks to the good people at the Meatlocker and some other local bands that we consider to be dear friends of ours, we built up a small scene in the New Jersey area, pulling together some great shows such as Midian’s one and only reunion show, a Cancerslug show that is now known as “The Jersey Massacre” on their YouTube page, and our five “Thrash Bash BBQ” events. If we needed help, another band was there to fill in on drums or help set up and promote a show. Everyone was going to everyone’s shows. Everyone was buying everyone’s merch. All the bands were looking out for each other. It was clear: We weren’t just making music, we were cultivating a community.

Fast forward to 2016. A week after we finally released our debut album (which was heavily promoted through Clawhammer PR and even got the attention of Zero Tolerance magazine and a few South American compilations), the suits came calling. The Frank J. Zamboni Corporation sent us a cease and desist letter telling us we couldn’t use the name Zamboni as it was copyright. While that is probably not true as Zamboni is a very common Italian last name (therefore impossible to copyright, and if it just so happened to be MY last name it would have made even less sense), we didn’t have the money to take them to court (In addition, we had copywritten our demo years back and if there actually WAS a copywright under that name, it would have gotten pinged back and we would have known to change the name on the spot). After pleading with law firms to find a loophole without changing our name and killing our long-overdue momentum, it seems that these ridiculous cases are simply done just to waste money and ruin a person financially at the company’s expense. We had no choice but to change the name in haste to Nuclear Hatred- the first song we ever wrote as Zamboni.

While we liked the name for a song and possibly album title, we hated it as a band name. We also hated the fact that we couldn’t really get booked anywhere unless we rented a place and booked the show ourselves (with one exception as a really wonderful human booking shows out of her parent’s Staten Island basement). Everyone was suddenly playing a very generic form of thrash or another genre and getting the booking we felt we deserved as we had accomplished much more than any of them.

And as for our so-called “community?” After all the help, support, and attempts to really create something over the years, not once did they offer us a slot on a show or ask what they could do to help us regain our lost momentum in our time of need. It was clear to us that there was no unity any longer. Everyone was only in it for themselves at this point and we were “just another band/occasional promoter.” The only times we would ever get any booking-related questions would be if we were booking a show and someone asked to be on it. When it came to even going to shows, there was no longer any excitement. You never felt like anyone in the venue cared nor that anyone playing was really going to make it – especially with the horrid shape that the music industry is in. People only showed up to shows for the headliner, and they “couldn’t afford” a local band’s t-shirt but just so happened to have the money for several overpriced drinks. The NY/NJ scene had died and anyone clinging to the idea that there still is one is a complete denier.

When it came to our writing, even the musical styles were changing, straying further away from crossover and thrash metal in our songwriting. The lyrical content for album two was to be much darker and revenge driven against the machine. We were simply too bitter and burnt out to really focus on our craft. Even routine practices were becoming a chore, happening less and less. We had plans to do some splits and EP’s, but they never materialized and we were given the runaround from people involved.

In January, we played our last show, although we didn’t know it yet (it also was the last SI basement show, oddly enough). Throughout the year we couldn’t squeeze out many practices due to scheduling and sometimes just not really having a drive anymore. Plus, we were listening to lots of other genres of metal and music altogether. I started a love affair with doom metal, gangster rap, and psychadelic rock. I also fell head-over-heels for stand-up comedy, voice acting, painting, podcasting, and the occasional game of Magic: The Gathering. Thrash in a dead scene that could care less about what I was doing seemed like a moot point.

After months of this, Orr and I sat down and had a phone call roughly a week ago. After about 30 seconds into the call, we both had the same idea: stop beating the dead horse and bury it. We both didn’t want to be there anymore. The music wasn’t fun, and the scene and our community were gone. Seven years was a good run, and we were too heartbroken over all of our hard work repeatedly being stabbed in the back to allow any of it to continue. Plus our lives were pulling us in different directions.

While we plan on still being musical for the rest of our lives, we’re not sure where the roads will take us. Until then, thank you for being a part of this journey and I hope to see you in the coming years. Hopefully the scene will sort itself out and there will be a community once again, but for now, there is much work to be done.

 

Dark Tranquillity at the Chance

After being a fan since high school, I was excited to finally get the opportunity to see Dark Tranquillity when they were announced for the Chance Theater.

As the days got closer it became more of a debate with money being short at times and car trouble (which turned out to be nothing) in the weeks leading up to it but luckily, everything turned out fine when it got close. After school I headed to the venue to finally catch the Swedish melodeath legends.

Striker

First main band on was the traditional metal throwback Striker. These guys will awfully generic and weren’t very good at all. They just felt like a weaker version of the bands they were paying tribute to and made me long-await Warbringer.

Warbringer

Second on were retro thrash titans Warbringer. I had not seen these guys since they opened for Iced Earth in 2012, so it was refreshing to see them once again. They didn’t play for long, but they made the most out of their minutes.

Dark Tranquillity 

At around 10:30 p.m. it was time for the headliners. While I honestly wasn’t a big fan of their latest album Atoma, I didn’t mind anything they played live from it due to their good performance. I was also glad I got to hear a good amount of classics such as “Wonders at Your Feet,” “Mundane and the Magic,” “Misery’s Crown,” and my favorite track, “Terminus.” Not a dull moment went by at that show and it was one of the best I’ve been to at that Chance in awhile.

 

 

 

 

 

Spaceman Frank’s No Mercy 2017 Predictions

by Frank Lucci

The wrestling world has No Mercy for fans, as in the several weeks since Summerslam The WWE and others seem to create a major news story every day. The Mae Young Classic Concludes! The Four Horsewomen of MMA may be invading! Paige may be coming back! Shelton Benjamin is back! Lio Rush made his debut at NXT tapings! Global Force Wrestling may become Impact again due to their usual incompetence! Flo and WWN are starting a legal battle over streaming data! Nikki Bella is on Dancing With the Stars! Konnor from The Ascension is a new dad! Daniel Bryan may head to Ring of Honor! VInce bleeds on television! And Jesus Christ the worked shoots! Every week with the worked shoots! No Mercy should be an interesting show, but will it stand out among all the news that has come down the pipeline? My gut says maybe. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my No Mercy 2017 predictions!

Elias Sampson vs. Apollo Crews (Preshow Time Filler Spectacular)

Somebody (Vince Mcmahon) demanded this happen, so here we go. Titus Worldwide is dominating the preshow lately, and hopefully Akira Tozawa shows up here to remind everyone that he walked into the last PPV as Cruiserweight Champion. Is there a reason Titus cannot wrestle himself? Why is just being a manager? With the thin roster of tag teams on Raw Titus and Crews (with Tozawa doing a freebird gimmick?) could be a positive. Instead they face Elias, who hopefully will sing one of his strange songs to make sure we get less commentary on the preshow. Anything that prevents the preshow panel from talking more I am all for. Anyway Sampson wins because The Titus Brand loses every time. Maybe they should recruit Curt Hawkins…

Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt

I guess this is happening again, because reasons. I like the idea that Bray is calling out Finn the man instead of The Demon, and that could have been an interesting way to built this match up…if that was the built to their original match and not the sequel. Wyatt couldn’t beat him before, so Finn agrees to depower himself like Thanatos in the original Infinity Gauntlet storyline. Sure, you do that Finn. Grab that idiot ball with both hands. I did not care before and I do not care this time around. With all the worked shoots going around this story sticks out like a sore thumb. Balor wins despite the lack of demon powers because Wyatt cannot win anything and will be joining Titus Worldwide with Curt Hawkins.

Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins vs. Sheamus and Cesaro (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship match)

These four men put on a hell of a show at SummerSlam, and I have high hopes for this match. This is a good way to keep these guys relevent and be in a title picture while keeping them all out of sneakily crowded Universal title picture. I hope Seth and Dean taunt Cesaro with two beach balls, causing him to hulk out, rip both at once, then flip the ring over. I am roughly 65% certain Cesaro could pull it off. While I am hyped for this match I am concerned what comes after? Do The Club get involved after essentially jobbing out in the built to this match? Do we get more thrown together teams? Do you elevate The Miztourage or the dream team of Bray Wyatt and Curt Hawkins? We shall see. Dean and Seth win so we have a strong babyface team on Raw people can get behind.

Alexa Bliss (C) vs. Emma vs. Nia Jax vs Sasha Banks vs. Bayley (Fatal Five Way for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship)

Bliss vs. Banks rematch? Cool Beans. Teasing adding Jax? Even better. Adding Jax and then also Emma for some reason? Ummmmm. Throwing Bayley in their the Raw before because it was in her hometown and people would actually cheer her? Sigh. We got a big old multi person match, so here are my rankings, from least to most likely, to win the match.

Emma- LOL NOPE PULLING A HAWKINS HERE

Bayley-She was just put in this match for reasons unknown, and it would be a strange to just give her the belt. Although WWE is hot potatoing the belt around anyway, so I at least see it being possible.

Sasha Banks- Considering this started off being about her seeking revenge for her loss was immediately pivoted to focus on others, I do not see her having much chance here. If they tease a heel turn for her by having her wrestle Bayley or take advantage of the no DQ setting that would be cool.

Nia Jax- If anyone has a chance to unseat the champ it is Jax. Usually in situations like this she gets ganged up on and taken out quick, and I would love for her to be a proper monster and wreck everybody here. But I see everyone hitting a parade of finishers on her towards the end of the match so she can roll out of the ring and not take the pin.

Alexa Bliss- I see the champ sneaking in and grabbing a pin to keep her belt. Bliss is super talented but they keep pulling the rug out from underneath her by having her drop the belt so I would like her to be a bit more dominate and have a lengthy run.

The Miz (C) vs. Jason Jordan (Intercontinental Title Match)

I almost care about this match. Almost. On one side Jordan has proven he can work a singles match with the best workers in the company, but the spectre of Baby Daddy Kurt Angle haunts him wherever he goes. The Miz is losing his wife Maryse from her television role due to her pregnancy, but he will recover so long as he just work shoots on everyone in the company. Meanwhile Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas are just hanging out in the background, and they really need to step up to fill the role Maryse will leave behind. I think The Miz will retain, continue to burn people with hot fire on the mic, adopt Curt Hawkins (thus inheriting Bray Wyatt and Titus Worldwide), and get that number one spot for longest combined reigns for the IC title.

Neville (C) vs. Enzo Amore (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)

WWE for the first time built a feud involving the Cruiserweights that actually has the main WWE audience invested. Neville has always been super consistent and oftentimes is the best champion WWE has, and adding the uber popular Enzo has people talking. And, despite the rumors of Zo’s backstage heat, the challenger has been booked in very interesting ways. Sure they have the main roster stomp on him every chance he gets, but he uses shortcuts to compete with the 205 Live regulars and thus hang with the best pure wrestlers in WWE. Will the same tactics work against Nevill, who is known for using nasty tricks himself? Special props for both men for their promo on the go home 205 Live that added a huge spike of interest for this match. I could one day see Enzo win the belt, but he needs the chase more than he needs the belt. Neville wins by getting shady on Amore who becomes the more popular version of Curt Hawkins.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

Oh boy. During their first promo battle Cena slayed Reigns like he was Curt Hawkins and pretty much won over most of the smart crowd to his side. Not that I thought they would need much to side with Cena, but whatever. Meanwhile Reigns needed several weeks to recover and deliver anything close to what Cena pulled off, and I find it telling that his best promo of their feud was when he was alone without John there to offer rebuttals. Hell, even Reign’s match with Jason Jordan was not as good as Cena’s match with the same opponent the week before. Roman has been exposed as the lame corporate Cena clone he is, and while some fans seem on his side I just do not see how this helped him at all besides to try to shame him into getting better. Sadly all signs point to Reigns winning, so he is my pick here.

Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Braun Stroman (WWE Universal Championship Match)

For once, Vince’s wet dream is the same as the IWC’s wet dream. The WWE has allowed these two just enough physical contact to make this match feel like the Wrestlemania worthy match it is. My only complaint was the go home segment where they had the talking head interviews. This did not work well with Samoa Joe, and having two massive hosses just sit and talk is really lame. Just have the traditional pull apart brawl that allows them to look terrifying while decimating the roster and maybe ripping Curt Hawkin’s spine out. I really, really, reallyyyyyyyy want my boy Braun to win…and I am going out on a limb and say he will. For one, he is one of the hottest things in WWE right now, and he is one of the very few people on the roster that is must see. Having a more consistent champion presence would benefit Raw as well. Then you can save Brock for the Royal Rumble or Survivor Series when he is freaking out and terrifying trying to get his title back. Lastly, if WWE is willing to experiment with Jinder Mahal as champ, why not pull the trigger on Braun? The reign of Stroman begins at No Mercy.

 

F*ck Mondays! Episode 43: It Review

Chris and Jon review “It” and address other issues in the movie world. Chris reveals the final moments of his voiceover perils!

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

F*ck Mondays! Episode 42: Defenders Review and the Joker Too

Chris and Jon review Marvel’s The Defenders and discuss the Joker spinoff movies rumbling around Hollywood. Chris also goes off on a bad voiceover experience.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Manopera! Episode 47: SummerSlam 2017 Review

Chris, Frank, and Pro Wrestling Opinion’s Nicholas Jason Lopez review WWE’s biggest party of the summer, SummerSlam 2017.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

 

SSEP: Episode 23: Mayweather and McGregor are Best Friends/Reigns Burned by Cena/Elliot Suspended?

Jon and Matt review Mayweather/McGregor, Reigns’ and Cena’s verbal spat and discuss if the final word on NFLs Ezekiel Elliot’s suspension will be coming soon.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

10 Underrated Tobe Hooper and George. A. Romero Films

 

by Anthony Carioscia

2017 is a sad year in the horror world as we lost George Romero and Tobe Hooper, arguably two of the genre’s best directors .

When your average person thinks of Romero, his legendary Living Dead Trilogy is what normally comes to mind and for Hooper, The first two Texas Chainsaw Massacres and Poltergeist. While these are all amazing films, let’s not forget that both directors had plenty of other movies that helped them earn their titles of masters of horror. Here in no particular order are those films, with five underrated films from each director.

Tobe Hooper:

Invaders from Mars

The 1980’s had several great remakes of classic 50’s sci-fi horror genre such as The Thing and The Fly. One that gets forgotten is Hooper’s version of Invaders From Mars, which is a shame since this film is a fun 80’s cheese fest joy ride with awesome special effects.

Body Bags

This made for TV anthology film was a giant lot between Hooper, John Carpenter and Larry Sulkis. Hooper directed the third and final segment “Eye.”

This film is about a baseball player who gets a replacement right eye after he looses it. He then starts getting disturbing visions and soon learns of the eye’s secret origin as he plummets into madness. This segment is the best in the film, but the other two are also well worth your time.

Funhouse

This slasher classic is set in an amusement park where a small group of teens get stuck in the fun house ride and are attacked by a killer with severe physical deformities. The film stars Elizabeth Berridge, who would later become known for being in the huge hit film Amadeus about the legendary composer Mozart.

Lifeforce 

Written by horror and sci-fi master Dan O’Bannon (Dead and Buried, Alien) and based on the novel Space Vampires, Lifeforce is a must see for horror and sci-fi fans. In this film, vampires from space arrive in London and start infecting everyone. This picture’s style fuses primitive shlock with traditional Hammer style horror to make an experience that’s out of this world. It also has Patrick Stewart, which is always a plus!

Eaten Alive 

A spiritual follow up to Texas Chainsaw, Eaten Alive is a 70’s grindhouse classic. Like TCM, this film is about a sadistic killer redneck who feeds his victims to his pet crocodile.

Romero 

The Dark Half 

Based on the novel by Stephen King, this film tells the story of an author who creates a fake pen name sort of like what King did with Richard Bachman. This fake person now wants to take over the author’s life by any means neccessary.

Two Evil Eyes 

This overlooked gem is an anthology film involving both Romero and Italian, legend Dario Argento. It features two stories, both based on the works of Edgar Allen Poe with Argento directing The Black Cat and Romero directing The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar. While Romero’s skit isn’t as good as Argento’s, it’s still excellent, well crafted gothic horror.

The Crazies 

Romero is most known for making films about the living dead. In The Crazies, he gives us a similar concept but with a virus causing people to become rabid and zombie like. The social commentary and military themes commonly found in Romero’s works are all here as it feels like a side film in the Living Dead franchise.

Martin 

George A. Romero is mostly know for his zombie films, but has several others well worth checking out – including the vampire classic Martin.

The film is about a young man who thinks he’s a vampire who goes to live with his insane elderly cousin who believes he’s a product of a family curse.

The film plays on the old-world hysteria that created vampires, but sets them in modern day. It also showcases Romero’s love for social commentary.

Creepshow

When master director George Romero teams up with Stephen King for a film, you know you have a masterpiece on your hands.

Creepshow is a horror anthology film that acts as a love letter to vintage horror comics such as Tales from the Crypt and Vault of Horror. The film consists of five shorts with two of the shorts, Weeds and The Crate being based on King stories. The rest were written by King specifically for the movie. From start to finish, Creepshow is a fun, gory, creepy and hilarious joy ride.

SSEP: Episode 22: Major NBA Trade / NXT TakeOver and SummerSlam Review / Mayweather McGregor Preview

Your boy Jon and the Jewharaja break down the Kyrie Irving trade to the Celtics, review both WWE NXT TakeOver: Brooklyn III and SummerSlam, and preview Mayweather vs. McGregor.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

 

Spaceman Frank’s SummerSlam 2017 Predictions

by Frank Lucci

SummerSlam 2017 promises to be a similar event to WrestleMania 33, meaning that while there will be plenty to like in this PPV, everyone will agree that the card would be better if they cut several of the 13 matches announced.

That many matches is just too damn many. At least throw in a Miz segment instead of the throwaway six man tag to break things up and act as a palate cleanser during the show.

I just hope the bad matches or potentially dead crowd during the show do not detract from the quality matches on the show, since there is a really solid three hour show in this marathon. I’m Spaceman Frank and these are my SummerSlam 2017 predictions.

Akira Tozawa (c) vs. Neville (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)

This match was looking to be a dud until Tozawa won the title on the Raw before the show. While the decision to switch the title unto the challenger so close to the main show baffled many it did serve it’s purpose to get people to care about this feud.

Tozawa can be a great champ (especially flanked by his boys in the Titus Brand), but it is hard to see him topping Neville’s run. One big advantage for the champ is, despite getting little reaction coming out he always gets the crowd into his matches. However I do not think it will be enough for Akira to retain. The King gets back his title in a good opener.

The New Day (c) vs. The Usos (WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match)

Why this is on the preshow instead of Big Show vs. Big Cass is a complete mystery to me (cursed shark cages).

Anyway, this match has plenty of goodwill from fans based on the popularity of the teams involved, and I think this could be a showstealer. It will be early enough so the crowd will not be burned out, and if there rad match at Battleground is any indication this should be epic. The New Day continue to be super hot fire no matter what they do, and considering they are all over the promotion for the show I think they retain the belts here.

The Hardy Boyz and Jason Jordan vs. The Miztourage

I would be behind Jason Jordan as Kurt Angle’s son if he changed his name to Jason Angle-Jordan and just tried to recreate Kurt’s biggest moments. Or if he wrestled Brock Lesnar and broke his neck just like his poppa.

Jordan’s new direction appears to already be dead in the water, and just about everyone else in this match is drifting along as well. I’m glad Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel have something to do at least. Miz vs. either Hardy Boy (can you still be considered a boy in your early 40’s?) would be a pretty fun feud for the IC belt, and WWE could keep teasing the Broken/Woken Hardys with the singles feud.

Miz needs the traction since his IC title run has been nothing on his epic Smackdown run and adding a bit of weirdness from Matt and Jeff would be fun. However here Hardyz and Jordan win because it is the preshow and any team with Dallas and Axel is doomed.

Big Show vs. Big Cass (Enzo Amore in a Shark Cage Match)

Starting off the main card we see WWE needing to remind kids about their shark cage playset. The only reason I see this match being watchable is if Enzo gets a mike in the cage so he can provide running commentary during the match. Big Show allegedly has a broken hand for this match, but I do not see Big Cass being able to hang with the giant.

Some people seem to think Enzo is going to turn heel and rejoin Cass, but I cannot see that working at all. Enzo is to entertaining to throw away, backstage heat or no. Enzo provides a distraction and costs Cass the win, thus getting the closest thing he can get to a win against Cass.

Naomi (c) vs. Natalya (WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship Match)

I really hope WWE does not continue to use the SmackDown Women’s championship as the bathroom break before main events. Naomi is a fine champ when the WWE actually has her defend the belt, but hindering her with infrequent title defenses and lousy segments do not help her. Plus, that whole Lana situation was misguided at best.

On the other hand I am glad Nattie Ice is getting a shot for the belt, and I would not mind if she got a crack as the top lady of SmackDown. I just wish she could cut a promo without sounding like she was reading off cue cards. With a good amount of time I see this match being decent but unmemorable, and I think Naomi retains.

Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt

I could see this match starting off the show, as Finn’s demon entrance would be a great way to pop the crowd to start things off. Both these men have lost so much momentum that it is crazy to think they were even champions since the previous SummerSlam. Both these guys need to enter the main event picture again ASAP or they will continue their freefall.

Out of the two I see Bray taking the loss here, unless he has a spectacular entrance planned as well. Go with the man with the paint when the chips are down. Now if only WWE could get me to care about this match beyond the entrances…

Randy Orton vs. Rusev

I hate everything about this match. From the lazy booking to the fact that it is going to suck the momentum right out of the show just like every Orton match this year has. I just cannot muster up anything but pity for Rusev.

I don’t mean to be a downer, but considering recent events in America can we get one foreigner character who does not play on xenophobia?

I think Rusev will lose here, and I wish he would come out on SmackDown, say he realized he simply does not have the hate for America he once did and that conflict in his soul caused his career to hit the skids. Now he is fully embracing his new country and can be the big goof he is on Total Divas and at Nashville Predator games. That would be much better than being just an ornery Bulgarian feuding with charisma vacuum Orton.

Cesaro and Sheamus (c) vs. Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match)

For all the talk of the tag team scene in WWE being lackluster, WWE does have three former world champs in this match. This has been the sneakily best built match on the card, and having Dean and Seth act like real people instead of the babyface caricatures they were before is very much appreciated.

Rumors and fantasy booking are flying concerning a Shield reunion, and I think WWE may be moving in that direction. Seth and Dean as tag team champs and Roman being Universal Champ as part of a heel Shield is a hell of a way to end the show, although I doubt people would boo Reigns if he finally turned. Seth and Dean win in a potential barn burner of a match.

John Cena vs. Baron Corbin

This match between Cena and his favorite dumpster fire has people talking to say the least.

Corbin’s epic fail on the go home SmackDown has people talking about WWE losing faith in the big man, but I am choosing to see the cash in attempt in a different light. There are only so many ways to tell a Money in the Bank cash in story, and Corbin failing and then going on a rampage on SmackDown before organically earning a title shot may be better in the long term than just randomly handing him the belt. Here, I see Corbin attacking Cena before the match starts and just beating him down instead of having a proper match. Or, if the match gets underway, Corbin DQ’s himself to give Cena the technical victory. Either would be much better than Corbin storming to the ring and…having a regular match with the man that cost him his big break.

AJ Styles (c) vs. Kevin Owens (WWE United States Championship Match With Shane Mcmahon as Special Referee)

I keep waiting for these two to have a match of the year candidate, but so far this feud has been built on disappointment and potential botches.

I guess their snafu at Battleground served as the excuse to get Shane involved, but so far he has proven unable to prevent these men from attacking each other. With all signs pointing towards a Shane and Kevin match down the line I am thinking AJ keeps the belt here. We do not need more hot potatoing of the belt and AJ Styles can serve to elevate the belt while playing a proud country boy for the company.

Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Sasha Banks (WWE Raw Women’s Championship)

It may be a good thing Bayley got hurt when she did, as she was tanking hard beforehand.

Bliss and Banks had a damn good match before, and the rematch feels much more natural than Bayley getting the shot again after the kendo stick on a poll debacle. Both these women have proven to be worthy of the top spot, but it is hard t take Sasha’s chances seriously when she is second choice for this match. Sure, it worked out better in the end, but I have to think Bliss will retain here over the Boss.

Jinder Mahal (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (WWE Championship Match)

Jinder Mahal: heel in the ring, face in the gym.

With the possibility of Corbin cashing in out of the picture we can now focus on this very intriguing match. This may be one of the first, if not the first match for a main WWE title between two people of Asian descent, and both men deserve credit for making it so far in the company.

Both men’s standing and characters also depend individual crowd reactions. Jinder can either be a complex villain or a foreigner cartoon character, and Shinsuke can ether be The King of Strong Style or the goofy loose limbed guy. I imagine Brooklyn will have a stellar reaction for both, and I can see these guys working well together.

Jinder’s style is pretty snug, which will compliment Nakamura and the story they want to tell. Plus I am curious to see Mahal work against anyone other than Orton. I can see this going either way, but I’ll give the champ a slight edge here.

Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns (Fatal Four Way for WWE Universal Championship)

I am looking forward to this match the most out of any in the card, and honestly I will most likely be satisfied with whoever walks away with the belt.

With Reigns I would be happy if we get an evil Shield reunion, but if he just wins and keeps being the Big Dog in the Yard I will be peeved. Samoa Joe could sneak in and win the belt like when he one the number one contendership a few months ago, and considering how amazing he has been since I would love to see him be the top guy on Raw. Braun continues to impress, and he seems to make giant strides the more WWE leans on him to be a future cornerstone of the company. Plus, he seems like a lovely guy in real life who is not above stuff like this. And then we have the champ, whose resume speaks for itself.

While I can see each man having a significant shot to win the belt, I give Braun and Joe the least chance of victory, as Strowman may not quite be ready for a title run and Joe being the indy darling of the match. That leaves Brock and Reigns, with the champ threatening to leave if he loses. With that kind of statement I think Brock will win to keep him front and center in case he really does fight Jon Jones in UFC.

Spaceman Frank’s NXT TakeOver: Brooklyn III Predictions

It is time… for bringing The Defenders to Netflix (oh, and  about a dozen hours of wrestling in between).

NXT Brooklyn 3 is like many threequels: the franchise may have lost some luster, but you still hope for a worthy chapter that can stand on it’s own. This could be a very good show that is more pleasing than big brother Summerslam (since it won’t be a punishing five plus hours), but there has been weirdness to the build that has left Brooklyn 3 feeling somewhat flat.

Granted, Takeovers have yet to disappoint, but considering what could have been I feel like this is a missed chance for a Return of the King level threequel rather than Saw 3. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my NXT Takeover: Brooklyn 3 predictions.

Johnny Gargano vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas (with Zelina Vega)

The build to this match (much like SummerSlam match Rusev vs. Orton contest) consisted of Gargano wishing for an opponent, seeing Almas, and muttering “you’ll do” like a sad drunk at a dive bar looking for a date. Despite the minimalist build I am excited for this match.

For one thing, I do not think these two will have a bad match, and each are properly motivated to deliver. Gargano needs to prove he can be a singles star, and Andrade needs to show his new pairing with Zelina has legs. But what really interests me is the possibilities after this match.

I see Andrade getting a much needed win, most likely with help from Vega. This leads to Gargano looking for someone to even the odds against the pair, aka real life Mrs. Johnny Wrestling herself Candice Lerae. This leads to a mixed tag match down the road and a perfect filler match while Tommaso Ciampa recovers from knee surgery. Then Tommaso can fued by proxy with Johnny until he is ready to return.

Aleister Black vs. Hideo Itami

Heads are going to roll during this match, and I am pretty sure these two are just going to batter each other until the crowd legitimately worries someone is going to die.

Black is the hot new community in NXT, and I think he is going to earn a title shot before the year is out. Hideo already had his big comeback match for the championship, and I really think if he stays with WWE he will be on the main roster soon. There is no point in keeping him in developmental at this point, and he could be a valuable addition to 205 Live or Raw.

Since Hideo seems on his way out either way, I think Black will be winning in an epic match.

Authors of Pain (c) vs. Sanity (NXT Tag Team Championship Match)

With very little competition to be had for the Authors of Pain, NXT is throwing half of Sanity at the big boys with the gold.

The build to this match has been fine, but my most memorable moment was Nikki Cross taunting and calling out AOP rather than anything either of these tag teams have done.

There is plenty of potential in the ring, and I am waiting for a star making match for these four guys. The Authors had the best match of their career at NXT Chicago, but that was against the over as hell Team DIY who carried them immensely and made them look like monsters.

In a hoss vs. hoss match with a much less experienced team I think this may be a dud. Authors of Pain retain until Steaks and Weights themselves Heavy Machinery get another crack at the titles.

Asuka (c) vs. Ember Moon (NXT Women’s Championship Match)

I am very conflicted about this match.

When these two first  had their match at Takeover: Orlando I was all for Moon beating Asuka for the belt and ending her undefeated streak. Now, I would rather Moon lose. She has been derailed, partially due to injury and partially due to the fact that she just not have the chops to hang with Asuka, let alone beat her.

When the highlight of their build is the Full Sail crowd chanting for Asuka while recreating the Goldberg theme, you know that the challenger is done.

Am I saying Moon is bad? No, and I think in an NXT sans Asuka there is no question she could be a stellar champ. But not now.

What I predict is Asuka retaining, then the next TakeOver sees her defend against whoever wins the Mae Young classic. Have that women top Asuka, while at the same time calling Asuka up to Raw/SmackDown after SummerSlam. Asuka has done everything she can in NXT, and at this point she should be a main roster ambassador for the brand while the rest of the women get themselves sorted out.

Bobby Roode (c) vs. Drew McIntyre (NXT Championship Match)

It is a bad sign for NXT’s main event scene when I have to remind people I know who McIntyre is ever time he appears onscreen. I get he is a former champion and really salvaged his career in the indies/TNA, but I just do not have much invested in his journey to Brooklyn 3.

I know he is good, with his match against Roderick Strong the show before Takeover being a highlight, but his NXT Cheerleader/redemption arc is pretty weak. Hideo’s redemption arc last Takeover was much more believable, and there are plenty of opponents I would rather see here.

Roddy Strong got the shaft in his feud with Roode (who despite barely wrestling manages make up for it with his interview segments), and would be a much more logical fit here. Hideo could have also gotten the shot here with a stipulation after snapping in a tweener role. Aleister Black would be a fun opponent for Roode, as would poor Kassius Ohno who is left off the card. Hell, Johnny Wrestling getting his big break would have been better watching than Drew.

I am not saying that I expect this to be bad, I just think, like the Asuka match that things could have been done differently. As for the outcome I think Roode has proven he can carry a program with anyone and wrestle a nice safe style for the main roster so he will lose here. I could see McIntyre losing then jumping back to the main roster, but I think he is more suited to gauging newer talent in NXT while Roode could tag team with The Miz and make Raw 150% more watchable. Roode loses and puts over Strong at the next taping before moving on up.

SSEP: Episode 21: SummerSlam 2017 Preview

by Jon and Matt Schorr

Jon and Matt “the Jewharaja” preview WWE SummerSlam 2017.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

SSEP Episode 20: NFL Getting Suspend Happy / Is The Public Already Over McGregor vs. Mayweather?

by Jon and Matt Schorr

Jon and the one and only Jewharaja are back for their 20th episode arguing the NFL suspension of Ezekiel Elliot and also talk some fantasy football. They also touch on the MLB and speculate if the world of sports is already over McGregor vs. Mayweather.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

F*ck Mondays! Episode 41: Comic Con 2017 Trailerthon

by Chris Butera and Jonathan Schorr

Back from a hiatus due to life getting in the way, Chris and Jon discuss all the news and trailers from Comic Con 2017.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Manopera! Episode 45: Great Balls of Battleground

by Chris Butera and Frank Lucci

After a month of adulting, Chris and Spaceman Frank are back to talk WWE Great Balls of Fire, WWE Battleground, and all the madness in between.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

 

 

Spaceman Frank’s WWE Battleground Predictions

by Frank Lucci

It’s almost time for SummerSlam, which means WWE is preparing for the second biggest show of the year, B-PPV’s be damned!

After Great Balls of Fire shone brightly upon the WWE Universe like an actual great ball of fire, WWE has seemingly put about three minutes of effort in per show. Immediately after one of the best PPV’s of the year, WWE has decided to have three foreigner heels on one show, John Cena brought up 9/11 to hype a Flag Match, and decided to run a bastard son angle.

As a reminder to readers, it is 2017. We have not traveled backwards in time, Vince McMahon is just having one of his senior moments. With not a whole lot to look forward to in Battleground, we can at least take comfort in the fact that NXT has been consistently excellent and 205 Live is the second most watchable show WWE puts on during the week. I’m Spaceman Frank and here is my Battleground 2017 predictions.

Tye Dillinger vs. Aiden English

I feel like they began this feud roughly seven weeks ago with a single segment on SmackDown and now we get this match on the preshow. I suppose I should be happy that both men are doing something that vaguely seems important, but really I think they only reason they got this match is because somebody felt sorry for them.

English can be a good heel and Tye can be a good babyface, but WWE seems to think they can just coast on their NXT highlights until they get the random shot to the moon push WWE loves to dole out. Tye wins because he is so unpopular, Google Drive wants to change his name to “Toe.”

Sami Zayn vs. Mike Kanellis

I wish Mike went by his original name Bennett because it is a lot easier to spell. This came about because Zayn kept accidentally interrupting the Kanellis’, before Mike beat Zayn on the SmackDown before Battleground. Both men can probably do better, but in the current state of SmackDown this is about as good as it gets (at least they are not on the preshow). Miracle Mike is the…well not hot but lukewarm newbie and Zayn can make anyone look good so I think Mike gets the win here.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin

Shinsuke continues to go through all the low tier main event types on SmackDown, setting his sights on the man that almost took him out of the Money in the Bank match. We all know that WWE is gearing up for a match between Nakamura and AJ Styles, which makes me wonder why they decided to throw this match in here. Corbin needs some decent wins to justify his Money in the Bank winner status, but Nakamura also needs some high profile wins if people are going to care about his match with Styles. Perhaps a non finish will happen here, but just for the sake of picking a winner I see Corbin DQ’s himself beating up Shinsuke, giving the King of Strong Style the disqualification win.

The Usos (c) vs. The New Day (WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match)

After the excellent rap battle between these two groups a few weeks ago, WWE decided “eh, that will do” and given absolutely nothing for these guys to work with after. I want to be excited for this, but after the lame finish at Money in the Bank all I want is for somebody to pin somebody else this time. With no other obvious contenders for the belts besides maybe Breezeango I don’t think this will be the end of this feud. Maybe we get a best of seven rap battle series with the epic conclusion at SummerSlam (beats these guys filling time on the SummerSlam preshow). Usos retain because laziness.

AJ Styles (c) vs. Kevin Owens (US Championship Match)

I remember being super excited for the first encounter between these two men, before a meh match and a long delay in a rematch made me forget this was even happening.

Styles won the belt at a Madison Square Garden house show, so whatever payoff I expected to see here has gone up in smoke (maybe WWE is fast tracking the title change to wrap up this feud and have Nakamura challenge for the belt at SummerSlam?).

Anyway, with zero drama to play off of I still got some hope these men deliver a fine match, but until they get in the ring and start wowing me I simply do not have much to go on. AJ Styles wins because babyface champs in WWE are rare these days and WWE needs somebody fans can rally behind.

John Cena vs. Rusev (Flag Match)

Both Rusev and Cena return to restart their “classic” feud from 2015 which saw Rusev lose almost every single match in increasingly sad ways. This cuts right to the stupid gimmick portion of the feud, meaning we do not get Rusev hiring two smaller Bulgarian dudes to act as his Singh Brothers (I wonder what a popular Bulgarian last name is….(looks on Google).

With no Ivanov Brothers to help him, I do not expect Rusev to win here, especially because there are FLAGS and AMERICA and EAGLES AT STAKE, MAGGLE. Cena smashes Rusev and moves on to face another evil heel in Jinder Mahal before the Bulgarian’s body’s even cold, just in time for SummerSlam (mild shock there).

Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch vs. Lana vs. Natalya vs. Tamina (Fatal Five Way for the WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship Number One Contendership)

Is there a rule that says Naomi cannot defend her belt on consecutive PPV’s?

For the second SmackDown PPV in a row WWE has all the women on the show (minus one or two) all get in the ring and butt heads to see how is getting the next “big” push for the next several weeks. While I think the booking for the ladies is pretty weak, this will probably be the best match on the card if done right. Everyone has a defined role going in, and if not for the fact that we have seen every single one of these women fight every single other women in the division for what seems like a decade I might actually be excited. If anyone has the best chance of winning I would have to say Charlotte, and her vs Naomi would be a good match for the belt in the future.

Please send Asuka to SmackDown ASAP.

Jinder Mahal (c) vs Randy Orton (Punjabi Prison Match for the WWE Championship)

The feud nobody wants yet continues to be sees these two face of in a stupid gimmick match that makes other stupid gimmick matches feel better about themselves. At least the Kennel from Hell match can say to itself “hey, at least people could see what was happening inside me.”

While I do not have the time nor the patience to properly purge myself of the vile I have for this match, I will say this: Mahal looks like a moron for taking away his biggest advantage (interference from the Singh Brothers) by making this a Punjabi Prison match, and Randy looks stupid period.

My best case scenario is that this becomes a comedy of errors.

First House of Horrors, and now a Punjabi Prison. You seem determined to ruin people’s first WWE Championship runs, Mr. Orton.

Jinder wins because I genuinely feel bad for how crappy his title run has been.

 

Harp House: Episode 19 – Sam Friedman: The Harmonica and Other Instruments

by Connor Frontera

An Injury forced Sam Friedman to explore other instruments, and he found his new love in the harmonica. In this episode, Friedman talks about his harmonica beginnings, and the two trade ideas about incorporating the harmonica and other instruments into your playing to create enjoyable music.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

My Experience at MDF 2017 – Part 4: Sunday

by Anthony Carioscia

As always, Sunday was the last day of Maryland Deathfest like and the line up was killer. We walked down after getting food and I got there for the first band I wanted to see: Angelcorpse.

Angelcorpse

I had seen Angelcorpse last year at this fest and they were again heavy and intense. Vile and unrelenting with their aural assault, a great act to start the day.

Behexen 

I went to get some dinner and then came back for Finnish greats Behexen. I watched them from a high-up area with my friends Nick and Cheyenne. The atmosphere they invoked was like none other and were one of the bands that owned the day with their blistering intensity.

Oranzzi Pazuzu

Next up was experimental black metal group Oranzzi Pazuzu. The three of us watched them set up and we knew we were in for a different kind of band. We were all fans since around 2014 and what we got was a very good and jazz-like jam set, which really shook up the day in a good way.

P.L.F

I then went over to Soundstage to catch the Texas grind masters, P.L.F. They put on a great energetic punk show, making for a great warmup for the next act.

Iron Lung 

Next up were one of my favorite powerviolence bands, Iron Lung. They played a crushing set, although I didn’t see all of it because I wanted to catch some Akercocke at Rams Head.

Akercocke

Akercocke were one of the bands I wanted to see the most and when they started with my favorite song, “Horns of Baphomet,” I knew I was in for a great set. The sound was spot-on and the atmosphere was intense.

Terrorizer 

I caught a decent amount  of Terrorizer’s set, which was mostly their classic album World Downfall due to them not setting up on time. Their energy was unbeatable and they put on one of the best performances at the fest.

Candlemass

After Terrorizer I went to Ramshead for the rest of Candlemass’s set. Due to them also setting up late, they were playing “At the Gallows End,” my favorite song off of Nightfall, which they were doing in full.

I had seen them in 2014 and they were one of the best at the set’s at that fest. Here was no different. After they finished, the Nightfall set they played the two classics, ¨Mirror Mirror¨ and ¨Solitude¨ – a perfect way to end the night and the fest.

SSEP: Episode 19 – Judge’s HR Greatness/ Mayweather McGregor have Great Balls of Fire!

by Jon and Matt Schorr

Jon and Matt talk Judge’s HR greatness, Nunez’s runny nose, Mayweather/McGregor Hype and Review WWE Great Balls of Fire!

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

F*ck Mondays! Episode 40: Spider Man Homecoming Review

fmondays spiderman

Joined by high school pal Danny Chi, Chris and Jon review Spider Man Homercoming and a bunch of trailers.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Spaceman Frank’s Great Balls of Fire Predictions

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by Frank Lucci

It’s happening. It’s actually happening. WWE has named a Pay Per View Great Balls of Fire.

Despite the terribly lame name, WWE has built themselves a heck of a card for this Raw exclusive show, with the main focus being the much hyped Brock Lesnar vs. Samoa Joe match. Sure, there are some duds that look to be on the horizon, but WWE has actually made many of these feuds compelling, even if some of these matches we did not even want initially.

Furthermore, it has been a wild few weeks in the world of wrestling what with New Japan putting on their first US shows, Austin Aries being released, and AJ Styles winning the United States Championship at a Madison Square Garden house show, yet at the end of the day, deep in my heart of hearts, Brock vs Joe is all the comfort and joy I could possibly want. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my predictions for (sigh) Great Balls of Fire.

Neville (C) vs. Akira Tozawa (With Titus O’Neil) (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)

The latest challenger in a long line of “Hey, what has this guy been doing on 205 Live?” to the King of the Cruiserweights sees Tozawa trying to make a splash.

I really love Tozawa and having him be part of the goofy Titus Brand is pretty fun, but he has the skill set to be a damn good vicious killer in the ring. I would love to see WWE treat this match with some importance, but I see it as the typical cruiserweight preshow match on the card. Neville wins this and every title defense ever until WWE throws all the cruiserweights in the ring and have a hodge podge flipathon where Ho Ho Lun sneaks in and wins because his name is a tasty treat and Vince McMahon loves that kind of branding!!

The Miz (C) (With Curtis Axel, Bo Dallas, and Maryse) vs. Dean Ambrose (Intercontinental Championship Match)

When the biggest news from this feud coming from Lavar “The Sum Total of All of Our Instagram Sins” Bell, you can be sure that WWE is out of ideas to make this feud interesting.

Sure, these two had a pretty solid match before, but after a screwy finish that made little sense it is hard to get pumped for a straight up rematch. These guys used to be exciting, then they went to Raw (strike one), then Axel and Dallas got involved (all the rest of the strikes needed to finish a baseball game). When WWE thinks to add those two to the mix, you know you´re having some trouble. Even The Miz can´t help you. Miz wins because he has three people in his corner how do you screw up and lose?

Alexa Bliss (C) vs. Sasha Banks (WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match)

What should be a dream match has fallen on deaf or apathetic ears as The Boss takes on Five Feet of Fury for the Women’s Championship.

Now, I think this match will be a killer encounter featuring two of the best females on the roster, so I will be hyped for this contest. I am not sure why it´s being treated like an afterthought, even though Banks won her right to challenge for the belt on the main event of an episode of Raw.

Perhaps it has been the way WWE has treated Bayley lately that has turned off people to the division, but until I see a stinker from these two I will be expecting magic. Or at least somebody to take a scary bump and leave me petrified.

I could make a argument that Banks takes the belt back here, but I think Bliss falls into the same category as Neville as the champ who is too good to randomly lose the belt. Perhaps we shall get some real storylines for the women and cruiserweights leading to SummerSlam, but for now, the champs are not going anywhere.

Cesaro and Sheamus (C) vs. The Hardy Boyz (30 Minute Iron Man Match for WWE Raw Tag Team Championship)

The feud that will not die goes to the next level when both teams face off in an Iron Man match because….reasons. With very little else to do besides milk their nostalgia, the Hardys seek to regain the championships they won at WrestleMania. I trust Cesaro and Sheamus to work for 30 minutes, but the Hardys? No thank you.

That being said, these four men have managed to put on fine matches with the occasionally clunky finish, so this will be fine. I think the champs will retain so they can finally move on.  Because the length of this match, I expect some other matches to be severely cut for time (gee, I wonder which match will get the shaft…)

Enzo vs. Big Cass

Big Cass boot to Medium Enzo for a three count.

I don’t see this match lasting any sort of time, and honestly, I can see Cass interrupting Fun Sized Enzo’s regular promo for some heat and just wrecking him. While I think it’s pretty dumb that the tag team broke up with the lack of depth currently in the tag scene, both men have cut some great promos that helped get me invested in this feud. I don’t think it will see another PPV bout as this has SummerSlam preshow written all over it. At least we can get more fire promos from Regular Person Enzo before Vince throws him in 205 jail and goes back to messaging Big Cass’ leg muscles while making disturbing sounds.

Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt

Another match people seem to have dismissed because of the lack of build (besides Bray’s nonsense promos) sees two great in ring workers facing off in what should be a killer match.

Both dudes needs a barnburner to regain momentum with fans, and I think since they both know they are treading water, I believe they will go all out.

Is this a filler feud for both men? Yes. Are they pro enough to tell a great story and make you care about the match anyway? Yes. As for a winner, I think this could go either way but I am leaning towards Seth Rollins since he has a win against Samoa Joe in his back pocket and would be a good foil for the Miz down the road.

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman (Ambulance Match)

Confession Time: I’m actually excited for a Roman Reigns match.

Braun throwing The Big Dog around like a gassy beagle has provided me with Gif after Gif of gold, and knowing there will be more live has me salivating.

Besides the sin of booking Braun like a stupid person on the go home show (because we gotta make Reigns look strong by acting like there is a gas leak directly under his opponent) this has been an entertaining feud. Big moves, big men, Big Dog, and big beards. This feuds feels the most “pro wrestling” out of any so far this year, as how else can two rampaging monsters settle their beef besides comically dragging each other to a waiting ambulance? Vegas is banking hard on Strowman being the winner, and since they predicted Joe becoming number one contender, I am going to trust them.

Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Samoa Joe (WWE Universal Championship Match)

This match…oh boy, this match….(takes a cold shower).

Anyway, the Spaceman’s dream match is happening and I can’t wait to see these two square off like Godzilla and Voltron.

Joe looks like he is on par with The Beast, and he proved deserving of this shot when he put on must see segments that showed why WWE should give him a chance to be champion. He killed it on the mic, he kills it when brutalizing Brock, and he would be fantastic as the right hand of The Authority.

Brock to his credit has sold for Joe well when being physical, but his side by side interview on the go home show where he adopted a “too cool for school” attitude was a bad look (He choked out Heyman and you and you wanna act like  you are trying to impress the head cheerleader by making fun of the fat kid? Shame).

This small gripe aside, I almost contemplated taking the day after off of work so I could stay up late and fully immerse myself in the experience of Brock vs. Joe, that’s how freaking excited I am.

The obvious winner seems to be Brock, and as much as I want to believe Joe could walk out as champ, I think Brock will move forward to SummerSlam as champ for a big headlining match. What that match is I don’t know, but in the meantime, I plan to spend Sunday chanting “FIGHT FOREVER” at everything and everyone.

 

Harp House – Episode 18: The Short Guide to Purchasing Harmonicas at SPAH (and Everywhere Else)

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by Connor Frontera

With SPAH just around the corner, Connor breaks down the most common types of harmonicas and gives his tops picks from what’s available on the market today. Links to several of the models mentioned will be listed below!

Hohner Crossover: us.playhohner.com/instruments/harm…-band-crossover/

Hohner Rocket: us.playhohner.com/instruments/harm…ries/the-rocket/

Seydel 1847: www.seydel1847.de/epages/Seydel184…bProducts/16201C

Suzuki Manji: www.suzukimusic.com/harmonicas/m20/

Hohner Chromonica 270 / 280: us.playhohner.com/instruments/harm…uper-chromonica/

Seydel Saxony: www.seydel1847.de/epages/Seydel184…bProducts/52480C

Hohner Chord 48: us.playhohner.com/instruments/harm…hestra/chord-48/

Easttop Pocket Chord: www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R…top+chord&_sacat=0

Suzuki Chord: www.suzukimusic.com/harmonicas/sch24-48/

Hohner Bass 58: us.playhohner.com/instruments/harm…/hohner-bass-58/

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw

Manopera! Episode 44: Whose Briefcase is it Anyway?

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by Chris Butera and Frank Lucci

Chris and Frank talk WWE Money in the Bank 2017 – and they’ve got a lot to get off their chests about both MITB matches, the pay-per-view and what to expect from Great Balls of Fire next Sunday.

Spaceman Frank cuts a promo on the now former Uber CEO Travis Kalanick.

For more awesome content, check out www.bonesawzine.com.
Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

SSEP – Episode 18: 2017 NBA Draft / The Cyborg Situation / Mauro’s Big Break / MITB Review

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by Jon and Matt Schorr

It’s a slobberknocker of a podcast as Jon and “the Jewharaja” Matt Schorr break down the top picks in the NBA Draft, proclaim their love the UFC’s decision to strip Germaine De Randamie of the title and anticipate Mauro Ranallo calling WWE NXT as well as the Mega fight with Floyd Mayweather and Connor McGregor. All this, and they review WWE Money In The Bank.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

SSEP – Episode 17: McGregor vs. Mayweather is Happening / WWE Money in the Bank Preview

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by Jon and Matt Schorr

Jon and Matt get excited about Mayweather vs. McGregor’s official announcement, review the worst NBA season ever, commend the greatness of the New York Yankees and preview WWE Money in the Bank Pay-Per-View this Sunday.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Harp House Episode 17: Top 10 Issues Harmonica Players Face: A Response to Ronnie Shellist’s Video!

by Connor Frontera

Ronnie Shellist recently posted a video to his YouTube Channel (above) discussing the top 10 issues harmonica players face and how to solve them. Connor goes through all 10 issues Shellist highlights and adds some of his own thoughts to offer as much positive advice he could.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

My Experience at MDF 2017 – Part 3: Saturday

by Anthony Carioscia

Saturday was the most interesting day at this year’s Maryland Deathfest, not just because of the lineup, but because of the day leading up to it as well.

Matt’s friend Dave came into our room as well as his friends Chris and Ricky.  We went for dinner at a place called Dick’s Last Resort. It was a cool place where the staff would  – in addition to insult the customers – yell at them, throw stuff, give them all hats with insults on them. The waiter asked who was here for the DeathFest, then blasted Venom on his phone while headbanging and thrusting (not making this up). After we laughed and ate their great food, we headed to the venue and ran into Dave from Nucleus.

Uada

The first band I wanted to see for the day was Portland black metallers, Uada. The band is normally criticized for sounding too much like MGLA, but I think they are a fun little band and their performance was top-notch.

Goolagoon

I was very curious to see this Spongebob-themed punk band. Once you get past the gimmick, they are actually a pretty decent punk band and live they were loaded with energy.

Exhumed 

This was my fourth time seeing Exhumed, but they are never boring live. This was no different as they had a great set list and their over the top horror stage show was great like always.

Exumer

I am a fan of the band’s debut Possessed by Fire but nothing  after that. However, I was still curious to see Exumer. They played some songs of the first album but just seemed boring live.

Root

Along with Insect Warfare, Root were the band I was most excited to see. I had requested for Root to play since 2014, so it was nice to see them finally get added. They played a nice mix of their early black metal stuff and their later heavy metal stuff and sounded great. Big Boss’s voice was spot on and their stage setup was fun. They ended their set with the iconic “Pisen Pro Satana.”

Grave 

Next up were Swe-death masters Grave. I didn’t watch too much of their set due to not wanting to miss a second of Insect Warfare but they played a nice old-school set from what I saw and sounded great.

Insect Warfare

I went over to the Soundstage for the band that made me buy my ticket. Insect Warfare is one of my favorite grindcore bands and I was glad I finally got to see them. Their energy was unbeatable with an insane pit full of people crowd surfing, slipping on beer, and someone even threw a trash can into the pit. The singer had tons of over the top banter such as threatening those who bootleg his shirts. This was without a doubt the best set and best day of the fest. After them, we called it a night and headed back to the hotel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spaceman Frank’s Money in the Bank 2017 Predictions

by Frank Lucci

The world is focused on “Money” Mayweather announcing that his fight with Conor Mcgregor, but wrestling fans have Money in the Bank to look forward to instead.

Overall the card will be better than anything those two can put on, but WWE has been pushing fan’s patience with some terrible TV. It is like the closer the company gets to a live special the more they fall apart creatively. Throw in the massive hype for Brock Lesnar vs Samoa Joe and fans are looking past this PPV hard. Despite everything though WWE PPV’s are better watches than Raw or Smackdown Live, and there is going to be some (JBL three beers in voice) “HISTORY MADE HERE TONIGHT, TOM” as we get our first women’s Money in the Bank match. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my Money in the Bank 2017 predictions!

The Hype Bros vs. The Colons (Preshow Box Social Funtime Hoopla Tag Team Doritios Pizza Rolls Match)

Zack Ryder is back in the most Zack Ryder way possible: coming back one week before the PPV for a preshow tag team match.

While he seemed to have some sort of push planned with his comeback videos on Youtube, instead he gets a nothing match with his buddy Mojo “ All Gojo” (feel free to send me a check for that one WWE) Rawley who can be seen taking sad selfies with his Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal trophy on Instagram (Hey kids remember when he beat our current champ Jinder Mahal with the help of Gronk?! WWE doesn’t!).

The Colons have somehow even less momentum, so I predict a whole bunch of nothing. Hype Bros win because somebody has to win and it might as well be those spunky lads.

The Usos (C) vs. The New Day (WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship)

Everything on the main card is for a title or a Money in the Bank briefcase, which helps make every match feel important. However, it has been awhile since The New Day have had a major PPV match that mattered, as they seem to fart along in promo segments when the chips are truly down (IE Wrestlemania). Meanwhile The Usos are doing fine as champs, but have been overshadowed by Breezango’s (where are they anyway?) pretaped segments. I think WWE will give The New Day a run with the belt eventually, but that feels more like a match for a bigger show like Summerslam. Plus, the Usos should get the initial win via shenanigans to preserve their heel status and look more credible against all the jokey tag teams that dominate Smackdown.

Naomi (C) vs. Lana (WWE Smackdown Women’s Championship)

The only active women on Smackdown not in the Money in the Bank match (where are you Nikki Bella?) sees Naomi being challenged versus longtime manager/ master of maybe one move Lana. I think the time for Lana to transition into a wrestler has come and gone, and to immediately give her a title show sends off red flags for me. Rumor is this came about due to WWE wanting to have the Eva Marie push sans the (probably) gone redhead, so Lana gets the spot. She is not the one to pull it off, since she is way more popular than Eva Marie ever was, while at the same time Naomi is not the person to face off against her. If you want the Eva Marie stuff to work you need somebody the snarkier fans will rally behind like Bayley rather than the middle of the road Namoi. Namoi really has not done much since winning the belt back, but there is no way WWE has Lana take her out in her first match unless she secretly is a fantastic wrestler. Naomi wins in a five minute nothing match.

Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Natalya vs. Tamina vs. Carmella (Money in the Bank Ladder Match)

Fan booking for this match has been more interesting than the build for this, along with many of the other recent news coming out of the women’s division. Between the first official (and rumored) entrants into the Mae Young Classic, plus the potential new Smackdown signings and NXT matches happening  and this has been overshadowed quickly despite the history being made. Here are my rankings for who will win the briefcase on Sunday, from least likely to most likely.

Tamina- Has very little momentum, and while I think heels have more of a shot in these things she barely qualifies as a heel with the poor reaction she garners. I think she has a role to play on Smackdown, but she needs to get some wins to look like any sort of threat.

Becky Lynch- While she somehow has retained most of her popularity despite being booked like she has been hit in the head with an air conditioner unit moments before wrestling, it does not fit her character to cash in on someone. Thankfully Bayley has firmly taken the idiot ball from Lynch since Extreme Rules. Becky could be a good heel, but with a thin roster of women WWE needs a babyface they can depend on. She will do some cool spots, but if she does a disarmer on top of the ladder I will give out on her on Manopera. Submissions on ladders is one of my major kayfabe breaking spots in wrestling.

Carmella- The Princess of Staten Island has been gaining some steam online from those who think WWE will give her the briefcase, so that they can begin building her up as a major player in the division. While I do not mind if she wins the briefcase, paints it with leopard spots, and makes Ellsworth carry it around for her, I still think she is not ready to be anywhere near the title.

Charlotte-While being a decorated champion and probably better than 3/5ths of the women in this match combined, WWE seems determined to make her a face. It would not make sense for her to be able to cash in anytime, especially since we all know she could just declare herself number one contender and Shane Mcmahon would agree. Plus, the chances of Flair hitting a crazy moonsault off the ladder and crashing through the table to take herself out of the match is roughly at 90%.

Natalya- While there is no chatter about Nattie Ice winning, I think it makes the most sense here. Nattie has been away from the title scene for ages despite carrying the division through some dark times, and it is time for her to get a push. She still cannot cut a promo without sounding like an extra from a church production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat she can put on a good match. Bitter Natalya getting the briefcase and cashing in to remind the WWE who is the best there is would be a good move.

Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (Money in the Bank Ladder Match)

Not much to say about the build to this match, other than WWE has tried to get the crowds to have equal amounts of apathy towards everyone involved. Here is the power rankings for winners of this match, from least to most likely.

Dolph Ziggler-Ziggler is here because it would be weird if he was not, but I would believe I was winning Money in the Bank over Dolph.

AJ Styles- Similar to Charlotte Flair, I think AJ is going to get title opportunities regardless if he wins here or not. He already is very established and the crowd is quite taken with him, so he does not need the briefcase to add to his appeal. He also has a feud with Owens on the backburner that he can go back to once this PPV is over. I will laugh if he continues to get his foot stuck in things just when he is starting to get close to winning.

Shinsuke Nakamura- Not sure what WWE is trying to do with Shinsuke on Smackdown. He is still wildly over with crowds, but portraying him as just some weird Japanese man who struggled to put away Ziggler last PPV is not what anybody expected. He could win the briefcase to add some actual mystery to “The Artist,” but I cannot see WWE pulling the trigger on him so soon when he has not had any sort of big moment since his debut. Dream match with Cena at Summerslam please.

Sami Zayn- People seem to think that Zayn may win the belt, be a goody two shoes and announce he will cash in well in advance. I do not buy it. A Sami push would be lots of fun, but I see him having to climb the ranks and grab the US title well before WWE considers putting him into the main event. Plus I can 100% seen Owens reminding us of their fight forever feud and destroying Zayn just for the lulz

Baron Corbin- It seems as though everyone is banking on Corbin to win here, and it would be a fine way to show that WWE has faith in the Lone Wolf. It would fit his character, and WWE has given him enough big moments that fans will buy him invading the main event scene at some point. I do not think he is quite a main eventer yet, but he could be very soon. I just wish he would cut his rapidly retreating hair and go for a more skinhead look.

Kevin Owens- Take everything I said about Corbin cashing in Money in the Bank and double it for Owens. Sure, he has already been champ, but just imagine Owens with the briefcase stalking the champ and being on commentary every time the champ has a match. He would be a perfect Mr. Money in the Bank, and WWE knows they can rely on him if a main eventer gets hurt or if Jinder starts to struggle.

Jinder Mahal (C) vs. Randy Orton (WWE Championship Match)

The rematch you did not know you wanted but WWE is giving to you anyway!

While I think Rusev should have gotten in this match back when he called for a shot at the belt at Money in the Bank, Jinder is doing far better as champ than anyone predicted. WWE somehow is pulling off booking him well, as the individual fans can easily decide if they want to cheer or boo him depending on their own thoughts.

This nuance has been missing in WWE for so long, and his popularity in social media and Youtube definitely helps him out. Meanwhile Orton continues to act like he is on horse tranquilizers, and I think his lack of effort has given Mahal some fans. I think Mahal will win, and I think he has put in enough work to warrant it (something I would have never predicted I would say).

My big fear is Cena returns (on July 4th no less), declares himself number one contender because something something AMERICA and Jinder turns into a caticure. Then he beats Jinder and ruins him forever while become a record breaking 17 time champ because “BALD EAGLES AND PURPLE MOUNTAINS MAJESTY, MAGGLE!”

Iron Maiden, Ghost at the Prudential Center

When the Iron Maiden tickets at the Prudential Center went on sale, I was given a pre-sale code from a friend. I instantly bought one as ‘Maiden is one of my all-time favorite bands.

The day came and I went with Birdman of Roargh to Newark, NJ to see these amazing Brits play with none other than Ghost opening (this would be my third time seeing Ghost and my second time seeing ‘Maiden, Birdman’s first time for each band). We got inside then met up with two of Birdman’s Jersey area friends. At around 7:45 the show started.

Ghost

Ghost seems to get mixed reactions in the metal world and I’m one who has been a decent-sized fan since I first heard their demo. I had caught them once at MDF 2011 and then again three years later at The Chance. Both times they put on a great show and this time wasn’t any different. They played a set of great tracks including “Year Zero,” “Cirice,” “Ritual,” and “Monstrance Clock.”

Iron Maiden 

I had not seen Iron Maiden since 2012 at Jones Beach with Alice Cooper and I was overdue for another.

The band played a set that was mostly for their latest album,The Book of Souls – which is great. In addition to the new tunes, they also played many classics such as “The Trooper(which sounded beyond amazing),” “Wrathchild, “Iron Maiden,” and “Children of the Damned.”

They encored with “The Number of the Beast,” “Blood Brothers,” and “Wasted Years.” Their sound was phenomenal, proving that they’ll never lose their touch. After the show, Birdman and I got the hell out of Newark and were glad we got to go to this amazing show.

 

My Experience at Maryland DeathFest 2017: Part 1 – Thursday

When Memorial Day Weekend reared its ugly head, it was time for yet another Maryland DeathFest (MDF).

While this year the Edison Lot was sadly gone, it still had a very good line up and the convenience of the two remaining venues being right next to each other. The day came and I got on a bus to New York City, met up with my friend Matt and we then both left to Baltimore. When we got to our hotel we dropped off our luggage, then headed to the venue. On the way to the fest we met up with some cool people, including this girl who came all the way from Chile. When I got there some sludge band called North was playing.

North

I had never heard of these guys until I got in the venue and from watching them, I was kind of glad I hadn’t. This band played boring cut and paste sludge – not the best way to start the fest.

SubRosa 

Next up were SubRosa, who I was excited to see. I always loved their sludge meets violin sound.  Their set wiped the bland taste North left out of my mouth. SubRosa had great atmosphere and really took advantage of the Ram’s Head stage’s awesome sound.

Conan 

I had seen Conan play two years ago on the same day and stage and it was pretty damn good.  Like before, they were great, heavy and crushing live.

Acid King

The stoner legends Acid King were up next and while they aren’t my favorite in that subgenre, there was no denying they put on an awesome performance.

Cryptopsy 

After Acid King finished up I ran over to Soundstage, where Decrepit Birth was finishing up their set. After watching them do an awesome cover of Death’s “Crystal Mountain,” Cryptopsy got on stage. Here I ran into my friends Nick and Cheyenne as we were ready to watch them play all of their 1996 album None So Vile.

They started their set with three really bad, newer songs which caused Nick and Chey to leave. Once they left the band started playing None So Vile in order. This improved the set greatly even if the Matt McGachy was no Lord Worm. The pit was also as insane as it was fun to watch that carnage unfold. After Cryptopsy the two of us headed back to the hotel to get ready for day two.

 

 

 

 

F*ck Mondays! Episode 39: Wonder Woman Refuses to Fly Delta

fmondays wonder woman

The boys review the glorious Wonder Woman movie (with spoilers). Jon recounts his recent plane ride from hell, courtesy of Delta Airlines.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Spaceman Frank’s WWE Extreme Rules 2017 Predictions

x_njg6by Frank Lucci

Extreme Rules feels like the first proper Pay-Per-View for Raw after WrestleMania, as the previous Raw exclusive PPV, Payback, featured no mention of the Universal title nor did it have an Intercontinental title match. This PPV rectifies this somewhat, and it also has the advantage of not having a House of Horrors match thrown in as well (hopefully). Extreme Rules also does not have an NXT: TakeOver to compete with as well, or more specifically, WWE UK wrestlers to compete with.

Despite all these positives, there is most definitely an air of doubt surrounding this event, as Raw has continued to punish those brave enough to watch all three hours (I wonder what the crossover demographic numbers is for Raw fans and snuff films is). There is some decent action that could and should take place on this card, but if the matches are as painful as the buildup to them, the Spaceman may not be able to fight his allergy pill and watch Extreme Rules in segments. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my Extreme Rules 2017 predictions.

Rich Swann and Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox and Noam Dar

This match is a positive in my book because it takes three people (plus Alicia Fox) and gives them something to do and a spotlight to showcase why they deserve to be on a higher level. Banks has lost all momentum since WrestleMania, and it seems like a distant fever dream when Swann was Cruiserweight champion. They will make a good team, and if this is what they need to do to get TV time and get over I am all for it.

Fox is a steady but unspectacular hand in the ring, but Dar deserves more of a spotlight. He is very young but one of my boys from before the CWC, so I am praying to the Cruiserweight Gods he gets more than this. Throw him in with Neville and TJP and form a power stable on 205 Live since there’s precious little room for heels on the show not affiliated with the King of the Cruiserweights. Based on popularity alone, I think Banks wins it for her team.

Neville (c) vs. Austin Aries (Submission Match for WWE Cruiserweight Championship)

These two have held down Raw PPV’s since ‘Mania, and once again I think this may be a bright spot on a lackluster card. The stipulation works well for both these men, but having Neville tap to Aries the week before this match was flat out stupid (WWE knows when this happens people expect the winner to lose on the PPV, right?).

I get the feeling the live crowds are starting to catch on that Cruiserweight matches are usually much more exciting than much of the filler on Raw, but again with the show so hard to watch that is like being proud that you hopped over a puddle on the sidewalk.

Aries deserves a run with the belt with all the excellent work he has done to make me forget what a natural heel he is, but Neville is just too good at being bad to drop it. Also again, he tapped out once already (WWE we get it, you have one play in the go-home show playbook. It does not work. We all know what a loss before the PPV means).

Alexa Bliss (c) v.s Bayley (Kendo Stick on a Pole Match for WWE Raw’s Women’s Championship)

Women climbing a pole to get at another pole, did Vince Russo write this?

What the heck has happened to two of my favorite women’s wrestlers??? Bliss was an all-star on SmackDown, and Bayley went from NXT’s John Cena (Joan Cena?) in NXT to a supreme doofus on Raw.

The only positive thing about this feud thus far is Bliss really whacking the hell out of her opponents with the kendo stick, but really it is time to retire the “on a pole” stipulation. Seeing people fart around one corner of the ring for a random object is dull, and it is time to think of something to replace it (I vote for a “Find the Kendo Stick in a Box Under the Ring Match” or a “Kendo Stick Tied to a Greased Pig Match.”). Anyway, Bliss wins because Bayley would not go nuts whacking her opponent with a foreign object due to her pure-hearted nature.

Dean Ambrose (c) vs. The Miz (Intercontinental Championship Match – Ambrose can lose the belt via disqualification )

Hey, kids! Do you know what’s more extreme than tables, ladders, and chairs? Rules!

No clue why of all PPVs, WWE pulls this type of match out at Extreme Rules. It fits the character of The Miz, but do we really expect Ambrose to be so stupid that he loses the belt this way? If anything, WWE should have had this be a no-DQ match where Dean clobbers the Miz, Miz complains that he would win in a regular match and makes this match happen at (sigh) Great Balls of Fire. I think Dean walks away with the belt because he is still a solid number two option as the champion to make up for the lack of a Universal champion on TV, plus both men need somebody new to set their sights on.

The Hardy Boyz (c) vs. Sheamus and Cesaro (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Cage match)

Sheamus and Cesaro have a new fire under them now that they are heels, and their brutal dissection of the Hardys during and after their previous match has me invested in seeing what happens.

Will Jeff dive off the cage? Yes. Will he lose another tooth? Maybe. Will Cesaro swing the entire cage structure in a fit of dizzy rage? Probably. But the biggest question of all: Will Matt get broken? That question will haunt every Hardy feud until they actually pull the trigger (and they will), so while I will watch his PPV matches looking for any and all clues towards him going berserk, overall it does detract from the story being told in the ring.

I am curious what a heel Ces-mus (Sheamaro???) title run would look like, but I think the Hardys still can run up and down the country getting that nostalgia money for a few months more. Jeff throws himself off the cage to get the win.

Roman Reigns vs. Samoa Joe vs. Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Seth Rollins (Fatal Five-Way Extreme Rules Match for the Universal Championship Number One Contendership)

WWE has finally figured out that, if the Universal Champion cannot be bothered to show up at every PPV, then they should build around who gets the next crack at him. I like this match on paper, and seeing who gets their hands of Borkin’ Heck Lesnar next is far more exciting than anything else, especially with the five men selected. The big downside I have for this match is the rumors that whoever gets a shot at Brock at (sigh) Great Balls of Fire will be one and done since Braun Stroman will be back before SummerSlam. Here is my breakdown of who I think is going to win, from least likely to most likely:

5. Finn Balor – He has had the most hype, even having Paul Heyman put him over. WWE obviously sees money in this matchup, so to have him taken out by Brock and then passed over with little hype is in bad taste. I think this match will set up the Finn-Wyatt feud hinted at before rather than wasting a money matchup on (sigh) Great Balls of Fire.

4. Samoa Joe – Again, Joe vs. Brock is a money matchup and something not to be wasted as a holdover for Braun. These two behemoths squaring off is my biggest dream match of the current roster, and when Jim Cornette on Table for 3 suggested Joe vs. Brock in a submission match at the next WrestleMania, I flipped out. Make Joe look strong here and keep him there for when it is time for the monsters to be unleashed.

3. Bray Wyatt – The feud that almost happened could very well happen here, as Wyatt is WWE’s answer to every top star who needs a throwaway feud. But Jesus man, there is no way WWE can keep kicking Wyatt when he is down. He was WWE Champion earlier in the year before the Orton feud and House of Horrors debacle undid everything his big win did for him. He and Finn take each other out to set up their feud which will probably see Wyatt lose in the end.

2. Seth Rollins – One of two men to have a match with The Beast before saw their previous encounter act as a sideshow to Undertaker’s return. A plucky babyface Rollins vs. Brock is interesting, especially if he shows more fight than when he was the cowardly champ. I can see Rollins taking an absolute beating but refusing to die, rehabbing his image in the process. Yet, he has too much history with too many men in the ring to win. Therefore…

1. Roman Reigns – WWE will have their cake and eat it too. WWE wants Reigns to be a top guy, so they will drum Reigns in here to setup the WrestleMania 31 rematch we have not gotten yet. This will fulfill WWE management’s desire to give Roman a big push, while letting Brock have an opponent he can demolish before Braun takes over. WWE wins, the people win due to Reigns immediately being out of the spotlight after (sigh) Great Balls of Fire, and the other men in the match win by avoiding the big job to Brockjack Horsner. Then Strowman vs. Lesnar for the Universal championship can headline SummerSlam…unless Braun costs Brock the belt and they fight each other while Reigns carries the belt into SummerSlam…OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE???

 

 

Iron Sheik Declares 2020 Bid

shiek 2020
Come 2020, the Iron Sheik will be looking to make America humble again.

The WWE Hall of Famer shocked the world Wednesday when he announced via Twitter that he too will be joining his fellow sports entertainer turned megastar Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the next Presidential election.

“FUCK THE PRESIDENT TRUMP!” he tweeted. “BEFORE HE NICE GUY! NOW HE BIG DOUCHEBAG! I MAKE HIM HUMBLE!!! #SHEIK2020.”

To guarantee the internet’s implosion, Rocky responded to the Sheik’s promise.

“Much love/congrats 2 @the_ironsheik! Looking forward 2 tagging w/ #Sheikybaby in the #2020Election!”

When asked which party he would run with, Sheik has decided to go Independent, not just because he loves indy fans, but also because yellow is his favorite color. “It remind me of home and WWF World Heavyweight Championship belt,” he told The Bonesaw.

Shiek has also decided to make his party’s mascot a camel because of his intense pride for his Iranian culture (it’s also his favorite animal). “IRON SHEIK: NUMBER ONE! CAMEL: NUMBER ONE! ELEPHANT AND DONKEY? HUACK, PTOO” he yelled in delight. “ONLY THE ROCK THE REAL! ALL OTHER CANDIDATE JABRONI! FUCK THE KANYE, TOO!”

Other than serving the Shah of Iran in his youth, the Sheik has no political experience – possibly even less than President Trump. With that said, he knows exactly how he’s going to win the 2020 Presidency.

“I SUPLEX THEM, I PUT THEM IN THE CAMEL CLUTCH, I BREAK ALL THEIR FUCKING BACKS! I MAKE THEM HUMBLE!”

When asked if this is actually some kind of elaborate hoax in order to gain traction, the Sheik responded by suplexing our reporter and putting them in the Camel Clutch. Our reporter is now in critical condition at Mt. Kayfabe Memorial Hospital with a broken back and has since been terminated for upsetting a WWE legend and future Presidential candidate.

My Experience at Hudson Horror Show XV

Another May meant another set of dates to look forward to.

That set of May dates in question being Memorial Day Weekend’s Maryland Deathfest and the Hudson Horror Show’s 15th outing a week prior.

This year had an awesome line up of Frankenhooker, Slaughterhouse, the traditional mystery film, Nightmare on Elm Street 3, The Hidden, and Piranha.

Although I had seen every film on this bill before (and highly recommend them to anyone who hasn’t), I wanted to see them on a big screen. Unfortunately, I only wound up staying for the first four.

While I didn’t buy much merch this time around, I did win a copy of the film Hardware, which despite it being a pretty terrible movie it was pretty cool to win it.

Frankenhooker 

First up was the classic from the man behind Brain Damage and Basket Case. I had not seen this great horror comedy since high school but I remembered loving it.

Frankenhooker tells the story of a weird nerd name Jeffery who’s girlfriend dies in a freak accident. Jeffery then looks for ways to put her back together using the body parts of dead hookers. This is one flick that needs to be seen to be believed. It’s fun from front to back with its offensive humor, gross-out scenes, and of all things, exploding hookers.

Slaughterhouse 

The second film was the 80’s slasher Slaughterhouse which, ironically, I bought at the last Hudson Horror.

The film is a mix of 80’s teen slashers, redneck Texas Chainsaw Massacre type films, and dark humor. Slaughterhouse is about the owner of a slaughterhouse and his mentally challenged son who talks in pig sounds. When the town decides to shut them down, the two start capturing the town’s officals and making them into meat along with teenagers who try to joke about the place. Slaughterhouse is lots of fun and one to check out if you like slashers.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

Between Dream Warriors and Slaughterhouse was the mystery film. While I can’t say what it was I will say it’s a violent non-horror movie based on an old Manga and it was awesome.

Dream Warriors is my favorite Freddy sequel as the film takes the series into a more comedic/fantasy direction. In the third Nightmare installment, a band of teenagers discover they have special powers in their dreams which they use to battle Freddy Krueger. This film is 80’s cheese at it’s finest and a perfect finale to end the fest.

 

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