by Frank Lucci
After a welcome month off from PPVs WWE is ready to come storming back with their Money in the Bank event. After a too long Wrestlemania, an curious but unimportant Greatest Royal Rumble, and the disastrous Backlash (WAY TO PUT YA WORST PPV ON MY BIRTHDAY YA JERKS!) the company took a much needed break, but are fans ready for more? The barrage of events left passions drained for the product, and the frustration with WWE may be at a all time high. New Japan threw their Dominion PPV featuring what many are already calling the greatest match of all time in Okada vs Omega IV (The Revenge), which just reinforced the lack of quality the WWE hit fans with lately. Throw in the upcoming G1 Special as well as All In and there is some alternatives to their product WWE cannot ignore anymore. There solution? Make PPV’s even longer and monopolize wrestling fan’s time. Sure we got NXT Takeover: Chicago 2 and the UK Tournament to look forward too, but this is WWE again just steamrolling fans with a massive content overload. It’s hard to care about any WWE event right now considering the hype is elsewhere, and even NXT may be crackling under the weight of this vicious cycle. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my Money in the Bank 2018 predictions!
The Bludgeon Brothers (C) vs. The Club
The B Boys vs the Good Brothers. A match that should be good, if only they gave us a reason to care. MY BOY Luke Harper and his big ginger friend could be key players on Smackdown, but for the life of me I cannot remember one single thing they have done since Backlash. At least WWE put out this amazing video about Harper that hit me right in the feels. Definitely put more of these out WWE. Meanwhile I have not cared about The Club since last year’s Wrestlemania, and I honestly forgot they were on Smackdown. WHy haven’t they reunited with AJ yet? They could at least tell him to wear a cup. At least Anderson got to show off his abs? The Buldgies win and continue to wait for a chance to get over properly.
Bobby Lashley vs. Sami Zayn
Real time footage of the Bobby Lashley right here. They have given him the personality of a overripe cantaloupe, and his ring work has come off as very generic. Zayn has hopped around and tried to bother him like a little brother in the middle of a pixie stick binge, but has that made me want to see these guys wrestle. Absolutely not. What happened to Sami and KO hinting towards a split for like the seventh time? Bob wins to continue to build towards whatever plan they have for him as Sami drinks to forget Lashley’s sisters.
Roman Reigns vs. Jinder Mahal
Who to cheer? Who to boo? Will the crowd chant CM Punk during this match despite his embarrassing UFC loss? Those are the questions to define this match. By putting the two controversial men together we potentially have a perfect storm of snark brewing, especially in Chicago. I just cannot see this being anything worth writing home about, but Botchamania will have some quality footage soon. One positive is that I do not think this will be the main event…probably. Reigns wins since we are allegedly getting another match versus Lesnar at Summerslam because we live in the darkest timeline.
Daniel Bryan vs. Big Cass
Apparently this is still going. DB has thoroughly trashed the big man repeatedly, but now they will up the ante by…having a standard match again. At least WWE has learned to avoid showing Big Cass when his massive cranium covers up the “C” in his name on the Titantron. I do not know why this is going to happen, but to be fair their feud has been watchable for the most part. Charitably I’d even say it has been a top five feud on Smackdown. But not top three. Definitely not top three. It feels nuts that Big Cass would do the job three times in a row, so I will go out on a limb and say that the big man will pick up a surprise/dirty win to give him some sort of rub from wrestling with Bryan.
Seth Rollins (C) vs. Elias (WWE Intercontinental Championship Match)
Two promising young talents clash in what should be a fun little match on what will be a long night. Elias is reaching Miz levels of punchable yet loveable heels, but for the life of me I cannot remember one match of his I have enjoyed. That makes me hope we can actually see what he is capable of facing the IC champ. Meanwhile Seth has been a fine champion, but I still feel like he can do more. He has proven his talent time and again, and I feel like his time to rejoin the main event scene is coming. But instead we will get Roman Reigns with Seth being his cooler younger brother until Evil Dean Ambrose comes back.
Carmella (C) vs. Asuka (WWE Smackdown’s Women’s Championship Match)
Another thing that I guess we shall experience sees Mella face someone who should murder her face. Instead, we may see the return of our lord and savior James Ellsworth help his lady keep her belt. Ellsworth has better merch than 90% of the WWE Roster (exhibit A), so any and all excuses for him to get that paper. Will his return be full time, or more like a Great Khali situation? We shall see. Anyway back to the two ladies in this match! Asuka is still Asuka and should be champion, but it seems like rumors are swirling Carmella is keeping the belt, so with all the gossip pointing to her returning Carmella manages to sneak in a victory. Followed by Asuka literally kicking someone so hard they explode.
Nia Jax (C) vs. Ronda Rousey (WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match)
There is plenty of ways this match can go. Nia Jax has wasted a heel turn so soon after trying to be a role model, which is probably the biggest tragedy of this whole thing. Jax deserves a real run as a face, but instead she proved Alexa Bliss right by being a bully. Ronda meanwhile is not ready to carry the belt, but that does not mean she will lose her. My prediction: Ronda wins the belt followed by some shenanigans (more on that later).
AJ Styles (C) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (Last Man Standing Match for WWE Championship Match)
These two meet for (possibly) the last time and may actually be the match we have been waiting months to watch. This whole feud has been rather deflating, so these two better have a barn burner to make up for all the dick kicks. Shinsuke should have probably won the championship now after all the drama, and if he does not win here he never will. AJ Styles is still one of the top wrestlers in the world, but if this was their plan to have two workhorses draw this fued out i’ll eat a hat full of mustard. I feel like every time I think Shinsuke is going to win he ends up failing me, but now, truly, finally, it is the time to crown a new champ. Shinsuke wins probably…right? RIGHT?!
Ember Moon vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Lana vs. Naomi vs. Sasha Banks (Women’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match)
Time for some lists! Here are the rankings from least to most likely to win the Women’s Briefcase.
- Lana- HAHAHAHA NOPEEEEEEE
- Naomi- She won a trophy this year. Moving on.
- Sasha Banks-Member when she was champ? Member that she is a four time champ? Member her Iron Man Match with Bayley? I Member!
- Ember Moon- Recently revealed in an interview she is scared of heights. So I am guessing no Eclipse from a ladder for us.
- Becky Lynch- I could see her getting the briefcase and turning hell on someone, but then the WWE would have to actually care about Becky and I am pretty sure they no longer do.
- Charlotte Flair- She has the talent to pull off a win, but will more likely do something insane off a ladder that makes us gasp in wonder. Sadly this will probably put her out of the match, but she will probably get a title shot sooner rather than later.
- Alexa Bliss- Having the briefcase would fight her character very well, especially if Nia retains and she can stalk her former bestie. That being said I wonder how she will fight into this match considering her style does not scream for hardcore stunts. Only thing I can see is her hitting Twisted Bliss on someone who is on a ladder, only to get tossed out towards the end.
- Natalya- I would have not said that Nattie Ice would get the briefcase a month ago, but here we are. The way I see it is this match is first on the card, and she wins the belt after what should be a fun romp. Then, when Ronda beats Nia Jax she goes in and pretends to be chummy with her buddy, only for a classic betrayal five. Then Nattie wins the belt and we get the Canadian vs the Rowdy One for Summerslam. Nattie is the one to guide Ronda to another solid match like her Wrestlemania match and give her a proper crowning at the big show.
Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor vs. Bobby Roode vs. Kevin Owens vs. Rusev vs. A New Day Member (Ladder Match for Men’s Money in the Bank Briefcase)
Here comes another list!
- Bobby Roode- Poor Bob Roode. Poor, poor Bob Roode.
- Rusev- We can’t have nice things. Deal with it.
- Finn Balor- Going to jump off a ladder for a Coup de Grace and ruin his chance to be the winner here. We know it is coming.
- The New Day Member- I could see Kofi getting the briefcase leading to a whole bunch of fun and eventual title win as a big “you deserve it” moment. I would not cry foul, but that depends on many moving parts coming into place (such as him actually being in the match). Big E could also be a dark horse, and Xavier would be interesting but unlikely.
- Kevin Owens- Wouldn’t complain. Fits his character to a tee to have the sudden cash in. Sadly his stock has dropped considerably since he got jobbed out to Goldberg last year and I wonder if he ever will be a main eventer again or if he will be the guy who keeps the face busy while they avoid the title scene.
- Samoa Joe- See KO’s entry, but with a slightly better track record (besides getting hurt at inopportune times)
- Braun Strowman- Similar to Charlotte Flair, we all know the Monster Among Men’s time is coming soon. Like, before the year is done. Like, please, let it happen before the leaves start falling. I NEED THIS WWE DON’T YOU MAKE ME WAIT!! I see the typical parade of finishers (this time with ladders!) to put the big man down for the count. Leading to…
- The Miz- He’s just too good to ignore. The most punchable face in entertainment is going to milk the briefcase for all it’s worth, and I’ll watch every damn minute of it. Vegas has him as the favorite, the internet has him as the favorite, and WWE would be foolish to not give Main Event Miz a second chance. I even named my fantasy football team Team Miz’s Dad (I got sixth out of eight thank you very much). It’s time to see The Miz TV to hit primetime.