Chris and Spaceman Frank are joined by www.ProWrestlingOpinion.com‘s Nicholas Jason Lopez to review WrestleMania 33, it’s aftermath, and speculate on the “Superstar Shakeup” angle. Spaceman Frank cuts a promo on the JBL/Mauro Ranallo situation.
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by Jonathan Schorr
Jon and Matt review the “ultimate thrill ride” known as WrestleMania 33 and tackle the aftermath from Raw and SmackDown Live.
Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.
by Frank Lucci
WrestleMania 33 is almost upon us, and it has to be better than last year’s WrestleMania…right?
The overall build has been very vanilla for the most part, with a few matches given stellar storylines while others feel like WWE just picked names out of a hat, announced a match, then moved on. Even more curious is that WWE has chosen to fill up much of the Raws and SmackDowns before the Ultimate Thrill Ride with mini rivalries that won’t even factor into the main show such as Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman, Luke Harper vs. Bray Wyatt, and Charlotte vs. Dana Brooke. Sure, there might be something to these throwaway matches on WrestleMania, but why cram all that into the preamble when you could just wait until after the Show of Shows and actually build up the main matches for the biggest show of the year?
However, it is WrestleMania after all, and there is always enough buzz in the air about the event to keep you excited enough to check it out. As I explained it to my manager at work, WrestleMania is like Christmas if it lasted for three days…so I guess that makes it a Mini-Hanukkwanzikkah. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my WrestleMania 33 predictions!
2017 Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
I wish this opened the show proper, as battle royals are always fun and wacky affairs and a good way to cart out all the mid and lower card wrestlers to give them some attention before the “real” (AKA part time) wrestlers take over the show. WWE initially seemed to be trying to build up this event by announcing a few guys early, but then did absolutely nothing with this match for weeks. Then they plugged in all the guys from SmackDown’s tag team division (sorry lads, better luck next year!) and here we go.
Really, this is the Braun Strowman show, and it seems stupidly obvious he is going to win here. I think it will come down to him and Sami Zayn, Zayn will struggle a bit, and then he will get tossed into the second row of the arena and crowd surfed away. Or maybe James Ellsworth will be last and sneak out a victory before being thrown into the second bowl of the stadium. Or, Beth Phoenix will enter and recreate her spot from the 2010 Royal Rumble and kiss Strowman so she can eliminate him. Just kidding, Strowman is hoofing people over the rope like it’s his favorite activity (which it is).
Neville (c) vs. Austin Aries (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)
Aries, being the pro that he is, sold me on this match when a fan asked him if he was upset that he was on the pre-show. He responded with “The pre-show just became must-watch, so no.” Classic.
I think this has potential to be a top three match of the evening, and both men have elevated the Cruiserweight division. The problem is while they are riding high they forgot to bring the rest of the division with them. I really wish they would have made this a multi man ladder match to get more people involved, but whatever. Neville needs to keep the belt here, but Austin is not a bad choice to prematurely end the reign of the king. Neville wins and this feud lasts for quite a bit as both men step up their game and keep the division hot.
Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Baron Corbin (Intercontinental Championship Match)
With the Smackdown women getting the bump back up to the main card of ‘Mania, I honestly think this will take it’s place on the pre-show. It’s not fair to the men involved because they have made the most of the limited minutes of TV time they have seemed to get over four weeks to build this.
Ambrose has done nothing since getting the belt, which is a shame considering Miz and Dolph Ziggler worked so hard to get people to actually care about the Intercontinental title again. Corbin does really well whenever the WWE give him something to sink into, and this feud has plenty of untapped potential. Also, if it were taking place at any other time it would be a marquee match. Instead, they’ll probably get the shaft and we get a condensed version of what could have been. Corbin wins because he needs the belt while Ambrose can bounce around wherever needed. Plus, Corbin has a better chance of elevating the belt to where it was before.
The Club (c) vs. Enzo and Big Cass vs. Sheamus and Cesaro (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Ladder Match)
This would have been my choice to get bumped to the preshow if it was not for the ladder stipulation that was tacked on after Sheamus had his head graphically split open. It seems like an odd stipulation given that there are plenty of huge men that I don’t see flying around and falling off ladders. I get the sinking feeling Enzo is going to bounce around like a pinball, and maybe Cesaro will fly around as well doing something inhumanly athletic (seriously, I’m pretty sure the guy is part of the X-Men. Is Cesaro secretly Cyclops? I’ve never seen them in the same room…). Anyway, I’d like The Club to retain now that they actually have the belts, but I think Enzo and Cass will get the win. They will have the feel good moment of the night, and since they are all over the Network’s build to the event it would make sense. They have deserved gold for some time, and it might as well be at WrestleMania.
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Carmella vs. Becky Lynch vs Natalya vs. Mickie James vs. Naomi (Six Pack Challenge for WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship)
After some confusion with Naomi’s injury status we initially had this match advertised as SmackDown Women’s Champion Alexa Bliss competing against every available women wrestler on the blue brand going for the belt.
However, WWE is now selling this as a Six Pack Challenge, so I’m not sure if any surprise entrants are coming. I’ll just take this match as is, but if any surprise entrants do show up I think it will be Tamina Snuka over somebody like Asuka (especially since she retained her NXT Women’s Championship at NXT TakeOver: Orlando). Despite the multitude of ladies in this match, this might as well be Bliss vs. Naomi since they are the only two with a real chance of winning. Naomi is the popular pick here to win in her hometown, but Bliss is just too good as champ to lose the belt this quick. I think Bliss will retain after we get the customary R1 chain of finishers spot and we can transition into continuing her feud with Naomi.
Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles
After putting the company on his back for months and delivering stellar matches with everyone under the sun, Styles deserves a better ‘Mania match than Shane O’Mac. The Boy Wonder pretty much has just one move – and while it is a spectacular one, this match is just a standard one, so I doubt we will see him dropping elbows off of something tall.
Instead, Styles will spend the whole match making his onscreen boss look good, despite Shane’s history of rather dubious boxing (drop the punches and focus on either diving off things or learning some real moves). That being said, they did do a fine job of building this contest, and they could not really do anything else differently to make it better. Shane is the weak point in it all, and we don’t need a Shane O’Mania match every year to go with the Undertaker and Triple H matches every year.
AJ wins and moves on to something bigger and better once the part timers are gone.
Seth Rollins vs. Triple H (Non-Sanctioned Match)
I have a big problem with this match from a kayfabe perspective. If Rollins signed the Hold Harmless papers and agreed to an unsanctioned match, what is to stop Triple H from bringing Samoa Joe or even some NXT callups from just dogpiling on Rollins?
Issues with the logic aside, this will be a fun little match depending on how healthy Rollins really is. WWE keeps running video packages telling us how devastatingly hurt he is, yet for a guy coming to the ring in crutches he sure can hit a lot of leg/knee-based moves (RIP kayfabe). Triple H will work said knee and generally be an evil bastard for a while, send Rollins to Dad Bod City before Crossfit Jesus recovers and wins the match via Holy Crossfit Powers (it is a Sunday, after all).
John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse
The build to this has been absolutely golden, and it is easy to get people into this match based on the easily consumable YouTube videos that the skits and promo wars have produced.
Props to WWE for realizing that giving The Miz a chance to jab and poke the bear is the best. He is so good, and while people think this is a step down for Cena I think this is a makeup made in heaven. Plus, getting their respective female life partners involved also helps elevate their own division in the process. Sure, Maryse has not competed since coming back to WWE, but she is a former Divas champ and can go if need be. Having these two alongside a bonafide Superstar like Cena and the veteran Miz shows WWE has faith in their women to compete with the best of the men.
Cena has said that he is going to run through Miz with no problem, which makes me think Mr. and Mrs. Miz are going to get the win. Maryse gets the sneaky heel rollup because The Miz’s are just that good of bad guys. As for the rumored proposal of Cena to Nikki, I honestly don’t care, but if they do get engaged then congrats – but only if it’s for real and not happy ending storyline purposes (which would actually prove Miz right, turning Cena heel in real life).
Bayley (c) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax (Fatal 4-Way for WWE Raw Women’s Championship)
WWE shot their load early by giving the title to Bayley on Raw, which would have been the WrestleMania worthy moment. Instead, she ended Charlotte’s undefeated Pay-Per-View streak at Fastlane to further kill interest in this match and then said “screw it” and added Sasha Banks and then Nia Jax to this feud.
I think this was WWE’s only choice, and hopefully they mix things up soon because I am rapidly growing sick of seeing the same matches over and over again on Raw. Jax is my dark horse here, and I think she needs to eliminate Charlotte to establish how dominant she really is, then feud with her going forward. Sasha and Bayley should then team up to take Jax down before Sasha does a betrayal five to win the belt.
Chris Jericho (c) vs. Kevin Owens (United States Championship Match)
THE MEGA BEST FRIENDS EXPLODE!
The Festival of Friendship is the new standard of ending friendships in wrestling, and since then these two men have done…not a whole lot. Sure, Owens lost the Universal Championship when Y2J meandered out at Fastlane to distract him, but since then Owens has been regulated to one of Triple H’s lackeys – the other being Samoa Joe (who for reasons unknown is not on the card at all). Jericho will probably be done with his current run by May, and since he has done nothing with the US title, I see Owens grabbing it here.
They then can have an Extreme Rules match to settle things and have Owens destroy him to write Jericho off TV. Then we can pray for an Evolution 2.0 with Owens, Joe, Pete Dunne, and Triple H because that would be excellent.
Bray Wyatt (c) vs. Randy Orton (WWE Championship Match)
One of the best long term stories WWE has put on since Rock vs. Cena sees Bray finally getting his belt and defending it against WWE’s longest tenured crazy person.
Seeing Wyatt get his due was great, but the build to this match since has been hit and miss. Orton commits arson and nobody but AJ Styles seems to bat an eye, while Wyatt spreads ashes all over himself and gets some buddies to beat up Orton with him. This should be a Triple Threat with Luke Harper involved, but maybe next month he can get his chance at the main event. However, I see Harper making his presence felt before the returning Erick Rowan takes him out and helps Wyatt retain.
Side note: I really don’t want to see babyface Orton on top of SmackDown. He is a boring good guy and I just cannot handle it. Please don’t do this WWE.
Goldberg (c) vs. Brock Lesnar (WWE Universal Title Match)
You know you’ve got a barnburner of a match on your hands when the champ has wrestled five minutes in the past three months, has two moves in his arsenal, and has not defended the belt since winning it.
When your champion of a brand featuring some truly talented individuals threatens to hit a third move in interviews, you know your main event scene is messed up. Brock Lesnar has been severely damaged by all this, so I hope he destroys Goldberg to win the belt and we get The Beast returning to his unstoppable ways. With Goldberg’s run rumored to be finished after ‘Mania, he is probably going to lose.
The next night on the Raw after ‘Mania, Finn Balor comes out and challenges Brock to a match for the belt he never lost, kicks Lesnar’s head in, and I start caring about the Universal Championship again.
Side note: The Beast Incarnate vs. The Demon King is serious money. Please do this WWE.
The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns
This is rumored to go on last, and I think it should – especially if this is Undertaker’s last match (judging from his frankly rough look over the past few weeks, I believe this to be true).
Triple H has already stated in interviews that Reigns is the heel here, so I’m glad they’re smart enough to realize that nobody is cheering him over ‘Taker. ‘Taker does not seem very mobile, so this will be a plodding affair since Reigns is not good enough to elevate a match with a limited opponent. Expect a greatest hits package from Undertaker in a match that will be more memorable for the crowd giving Reigns the business rather than anything entertaining happening in the ring. Reigns wins due to ‘Taker being a pro and wanting to put people over, plus the rumored ‘Mania 34 main event of Reigns vs. Lesnar being more interesting if both men have beaten the Undertaker at WrestleMania.
For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!
by Jonathan Schorr
Jon and Matt go on the ultimate thrill ride with their WrestleMania 33 and NXT Takeover: Orlando predictions while watching WrestleMania 13 from 1997.
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by Frank Lucci
Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.
The Moment: Seth Rollins Cashes in his Money in the Bank Briefcase, WrestleMania XXXI
Going into WrestleMania 31 doubt hung in the air. Roman Reigns had infamously won the Royal Rumble in such a way that even his cool cousin The Rock couldn’t shield him from the chorus of boos. At the same time WWE Champion Brock Lesnar’s contract was running down, and the WWE Universe was in full-blown panic mode. Nobody besides women, children, and Vince McMahon seemed to like Reigns, but the company felt it was forced to give The Big Dog the push due to Brock potentially leaving. Rumors swirled around the main event, and it appeared nobody knew what the hell was going to happen when the event actually took place on March 29th, 2015.
In retrospect, everything appeared much more dire than it actually ended up being. Sure the Royal Rumble match itself was a colossal failure, but Lesnar was coming off the best match of his most recent run (a triple threat between himself, John Cena, and Seth Rollins) that firmly established that, while Lesnar may not show up all that frequently, when he was wrestling it was always a spectacle and could also be legitimately stellar. Brock also helped calm the nerves of fans everywhere when he appeared on ESPN days before the event and announced he was officially retiring from the UFC (lol!) and had re-signed with the WWE. Fans could breathe, but would Vinny Mac punish the Beast for leaving him dangling? Would WWE really put the belt on the undercooked Reigns despite the amount of backlash he had received mere weeks into his main event push?
This atmosphere made ‘Mania 31 one of the most exciting versions of the event that I had the pleasure to watch live. Granted, the only ones I have seen live were 28 and then 30 on forward, but this one was the one I was the most invested in emotionally, and I was curious if WWE would be able to pull it off or if it would turn into a dumpster fire.
Thankfully the WWE pulled it off. This is easily the most re-watchable ‘Mania of the WWE Network Era, and there is very little fat to trim here. The highlight of the evening was big Brock Lesnar getting his hands on Roman Reigns.
To clarify my stance on Reigns: I’ll admit he is a good wrestler. Sometimes he can be great in the ring, but the man is a black hole of charisma and I cannot imagine buying a watch from the guy from a mall kiosk, let alone wanting to buy a PPV he’s headlining. WWE has done the man no favors in helping him get over, so while the video package played my buddies and I grabbed some beers and got ready for Reigns to Superman Punch our hopes and dreams away. Despite everything that can go wrong, WWE makes my number five WrestleMania moment here, and Lesnar vs. Reigns delivers so much on every level. From the atmosphere to the video package and entrances to the match itself and its epic ending, this is modern WWE storytelling done right.
The video package tries so hard to make Roman seem legit. Hilariously they chose to not feature any audio involving the fans, as this supposedly triumphant montage would sound quite different with two straight minutes of boos behind it. Meanwhile, Brock looks like a killer. Reigns is just trying to get you not to boo him, while Brock is here to suplex people so hard there souls leave their bodies. Of course, Paul Heyman slays Reigns with the immortal line, “When you lose, how will you handle disappointing your family?” Grab the shovel, this package just makes me love Lesnar and Heyman all the more.
Reigns enters first and the crowd is…curiously silent – almost as if WWE has gone back and turned down the crowd audio (here’s looking at you, Kevin Dunn). The Big Dog is seen shoving away fans as he enters from the crowd. We all get the infamous “We listen to our fans LOL” and “Roman is a Wank Pheasant” signs that belong in the WWE Hall of Fame. Even Reigns’ pyro is really lame as he initially gets giant roman candles going off around the stadium for him (Roman Reigns…Roman candles? I just got it!). Anyway, Brock gets the hero’s welcome from the tens of thousands of fans who traveled hundreds or thousands of miles and paid thousands of dollars to watch a man I believe can deadlift several cows beat up a guy who looks like someone who tries to flirt with your wife on your honeymoon. Lesnar’s pyro seems to blow up much of the stadium and we are off to the races.
This match really breaks out from a decent WrestleMania moment to something truly memorable. Brock dismantled everyone he came across, including Reigns predecessor John Cena. Would WWE try to play this off like Reigns is equal to Lesnar, and how much would the crowd rebel against this? Will WWE have Brock just steamroll Roman in the squash matches we’d come to expect? I waited on baited breath with my friends as we prayed to the Wrestling Gods that a miracle would happen and we would not get a stinker in the main event.
Then it happens. One minute in and Brock Lesnar hits an F-5 and you can hear the tension in the stadium and across the WWE Universe melt away. I have never seen or experienced such an electric feeling from a live WWE PPV. As much as I loved Daniel Bryan winning the title at the previous ‘Mania, we all knew it was going to happen. This was as shocking and violent as a shark attack, and in that moment my suspension of disbelief was in full force. I truly believed that Brock Lesnar was that unbeatable, and the pretender Reigns was going to be carted off the field at Levi’s Stadium and we would never have to deal with him in the main event of any PPV again (sigh…).
What really sells this opening minute is Brock’s acting. Lesnar will never be known for promos, but when he needs to he is great at conveying emotions non-verbally. He realizes that Reigns had opened up his cheekbone, so instead of getting the pin like JBL is screaming at him to do he decides to punish Roman. The Beast is bleeding, and The Beast is mad. He will use the WrestleMania Main Event to punish those who defy him and send a message that nobody on God’s Green Earth dares to try to humanize him. Reigns attempts to fire back and Brock tosses him around like a German Shepard who is tired of the new kitten clawing at it’s face.
Here we see things truly shift into Lesnar’s corner, both in ring and in the eyes of fans. While Roman was at a mild level of annoyance before, here he makes the curious decision to try and hulk up by either doing a classic “seizure of strength” gesture or laughing after being hit. Whoever told him to try and laugh off hits from a former UFC champion deserves to be fired on the spot. It makes him completely insufferable during this match and draws the bloodlust of Lesnar out even more, and the crowd, God bless them, are right there seeing red with him.
The match devolves into a brutal beating, as Lesnar hits Reigns with several legitimately brutal punches and suplexes. He utters the most famous line of his career as he indeed sends Reigns to “Suplex City, Bitch.” While many WrestleMania matches (especially main events) try to go for that methodical, epic beat fight feel, this match is all one giant beatdown cut with shots of Paul Heyman smiling like the zealot he is. Every time Reigns tries anything Brock just does it bigger, better, and more devastating than Roman could ever do. Even a slap from Lesnar looks like it registers on the Richter Scale.
At this point the crowd is riding high, and despite some small rallies from Roman is met with a resounding piece of thunder from the champ, but then, suddenly, things turn. Lesnar goes into a ring post and starts gushing blood from his fourth head wound of the match. The crowd, previously punch drunk, starts booing in earnest protest of what looks to be happening. I was apocalyptic as soon as I saw Lesnar truly bleeding, as I thought in my heart of hearts that this was when The Roman Empire was going to begin. Reigns hits his two moves of doom repeatedly as I worry commentator Michael Cole is going to need a new pair of pants. Sadly, despite Brock’s epic ass kicking, all our worst fears are coming true, and Roman truly is the future of the WWE. It does not matter how much we rally behind our Daniel Bryan’s, the most vocal of fans (and, if I give my own two cents, the most important given that they refuse to abandon WWE while demographics and sponsors come and go) must concede that Vince is going to get his way. We will have a Ken doll as champ, and if we’re lucky we get to see Brock Lesnar throw people around and see our internet darlings put on some good matches beforehand.
This dreary mindset lasted a whole three or four minutes. Heyman is pleading with Brock to stay down, or put up his hands, or do anything to prevent this doomsday scenario (I’m right there with you, Paul). Thankfully, it’s Christmas Day, and on this day our lord and savior Crossfit Jesus was born. Seth Freaking Rollin’s music hits and upon the first notes hitting my WWE Network crashes and my entire party panics like a Xenomorph just burst through the wall. Thankfully, we got it back just in time to see Rollins become the first WWE Superstar to not only cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase at WrestleMania but win the title and make this a legitimately legendary main event as well. The crowd was invested from the beginning to end, and WWE decided to be bolder than they ever have been before by having the unproven Rollins sneak into the last five minutes of the show and win it all.
We do not get the chorus of boos, we do not get the predictable outcome, we get something that actively makes fans happy and want to tune it the next night on Raw. That is sorely lacking in today’s WWE, and it just goes to show why this match is so critical and important. Looking ahead to the current ‘Mania main event of Goldberg vs. Lesnar, we potentially have three of the last four Mania’s end in the most predictable fashion. WrestleMania 30 tried to do this with the streak ending and D-Bry’s epic win, but that has been tarnished by Taker’s subpar post-event wrestling output and Bryan’s early retirement.
This now stands out much more to me as a wild and unpredictable WrestleMania main event that, more than any other modern ‘Mania, convinced people to stick around and invest in the product (and the Network). For playing into and subverting fan expectations repeatedly over the course of an exhausting twenty minutes and giving every spectrum of fans a reason to be excited and invested in the WWE going forward, WrestleMania 31’s main event of Lesnar vs. Reigns (vs. Rollins) is number five on my list.
For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!
Chris and Frank give their picks and previews for WrestleMania 33 as well as their take on the controversial Twitter hack surrounding Paige, Xavier Woods, and others. Spaceman Frank cuts a promo on the hacker.
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by Jonathan Schorr
This week Jon hits on the state of the NBA and the Ball issues, also speaks of the MLB and the world baseball classic and reviews this week in WWE. Our host also teases next weeks SSEP and gives us a big WrestleMania preview.
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by Jonathan Schorr
Jon and Matt discuss the crazy beginning to the NFL Free agency and review this week in WWE including the Review of arguably the worst WWE Pay-Per-View in awhile, Fastlane.
Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.
Chris and Spaceman Frank review WWE Fastlane 2017 and its aftermath on Raw, speculate on the Hardy’s returning to WWE, and more. Spaceman Frank cuts a promo on the infamous “Cash me outside” girl, Danielle Bregoli.
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by Frank Lucci
It is Fastlane time in WWE land, which means we’ve got one last pitstop before WrestleMania.
Smackdown Live had the advantage of having Elimination Chamber two weeks after the Royal Rumble, allowing them to put on a nice bow on Rumble storylines while giving people a reason to watch the blue brand build its ‘Mania storylines for two uninterrupted months.
Meanwhile, WWE has tried their darndest to get people to care about Fastlane in combination with hyping and setting up matches for the show of shows. With two title matches almost guaranteed to end a certain way and most of the rest of the card meaning very little, fans can at least look forward to incessant ‘Mania commercials and people pointing at the big WrestleMania sign at random times. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my predictions for Fastlane 2017.
Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa vs. Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar (Kickoff)
We start the night (after about 30-40 minutes of useless banter) with four Cruiserweights trying their best to make some sort of impression on the Raw crowds. I think we’ll get some sort of crazy Cruiserweight scramble for the championship at ‘Mania (perhaps taking over the Intercontinental Championship Ladder match that has opened the show recently). Tozawa seems to be making some headway with live crowds, and Rich Swann and Brian Kendrick have history on their side. Sadly, Noam Dar has been adrift despite being crazy talented, possibly due to a lack of direction after being paired with Alicia Fox. The faces win because Tozawa’s Snap German Suplex is the best.
Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax
A preshow match at the Rumble becomes a real match here, and Banks looks to take down the monster Jax with her fully recovered knee. I’m curious to see if Banks get a respectable amount of offense in, or if she continues to ragdoll around Jax to make her look dominant. In the end, however, I see Jax pulling out the win to make Banks go back to her Boss ways and betray Bayley because it’s about time she turns heel.
The Club (c) (Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson) vs. Big Cass and Enzo Amore (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match)
The Club are finally champions, much too late for anyone to care and facing the perennial challengers who never win anything. Enzo and Cass may be the Buffalo Bills of the WWE, and that is coming from a Bills fan (I never expect either of them to get the championships, but I can dream right?). If WWE pulls the trigger with Enzo and Cass it will be at WrestleMania for the big feelgood moment of the card, but honestly I think WWE will hedge their bets and have the Raw and SmackDown tag champs face off on the preshow to get everyone a payday. The Club win and the crowd halfheartedly make a vaguely disappointed sound.
Bayley (c) vs. Charlotte (WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match)
This one is obvious. We have seen this storyline beaten into the ground, and despite Bayley having more pure babyface potential than Sasha Banks, that will not save her from the streak of Charlotte. If WWE was smart, they would have Charlotte keep the belt for a bit and stop having the title hot potato between people (if Charlotte wins she will have become a five time champion before the title’s one year anniversary) and make her Pay Per View streak more compelling. Then call up Asuka post-Mania and have a streak vs. streak (Asuka is currently threatening Goldberg’s WCW undefeated streak legitiamtely) match between the two at some point. Until then, Charlotte should just stop defending the belt on Mondays and just cut insane promos like her dad.
Neville (c) vs. Jack Gallagher (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)
This is one of the more intriguing championship matches that WWE has put on for the Cruiserweights since the finals of the CWC. Neville is the heel champion the division needs, easily blowing Kendrick out of the water in that regard. Meanwhile, Gallagher is one of the few true breakout stars the division has had, getting reactions Swann and TJP could only achieve by meeting Jiminy Cricket and wishing upon a star. The fact that Jackie Boy was the only Cruiserweight in the Royal Rumble match speaks volumes on how much WWE values him. And yet, he will lose here. After so many different champions, the division needs a rock to build a foundation on. Neville is that rock, and he will walk out as champ by doing something dastardly and ungentlemanly.
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
Finally, WWE has found a Reigns match I am actually intrigued by. While the Reigns hype train is a little beat up at this point, he always threatens to run over the internet’s favorite wrestlers…until now. Strowman is Vince’s shiny new toy, and his push thus far is similar to Reigns early push in The Shield, minus the extra teammates to lean upon. I think Strowman is the one guy WWE management may have usurp Reigns as their guy, but being so close to ‘Mania I do not see this match happening, or at least having a proper finish. Instead, I see these two brawling all over the arena much like they have in the past, leading to a Falls Count Anywhere match at ‘Mania between the two. If I have to pick a winner, I would go with Strowman just in case they want to have Reigns seek a vengeful rematch at the biggest show of the year.
Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn
The other big grudge match on the card sees Joe staying on his warpath to destroy all the top babyfaces on Raw. Rollins’ injury is unfortunate, but may be a blessing in disguise for himself (he essentially gets a second chance at his big babyface turn) and Zayn, who gets something important to do and another chance to steal the show. Rewatching their epic 2 out of 3 falls match from NXT makes me salivate at what these guys can do, plus the WWE universe has been too long for Samoa Joe to debut on the main roster. In what will be the match of the night, Zayn will go down swinging as only he can and make Joe look like a boss from Dark Souls 3.
Kevin Owens (c) vs. Goldberg (WWE Universal Championship Match)
There are so many possibilities that I have chosen to list all of them as a series of cliffhanger questions.
Is there any way Owens walks out as champ? Can he beat Dad-Berg, or at least carry him to a decent match that is longer than three minutes? Will Chris Jericho cost Owens the Universal Championship? Will Brock come in to even the odds in Owens’ favor? Will the son of Goldberg pop his shirt off and defend his father against the team of monstrous evil dads? Will the son of Kevin Owens take down Junior-Berg leading to a father and son inter-generational tag team match at WrestleMania? Will Jericho emerge from the ashes and end up challenging Brock Lesnar for the title after winning it on Raw the day after this PPV? Will the universe eventually stop expanding, collapse, and thus claim the Universal Championship before becoming a singularity and becoming the Universal Champion in the past, present, and future simultaneously? Find out on WWE Fastlane!
In all seriousness, Goldberg will probably win in five minutes or less because it’s just that time on the WWE’s calendar for stuff like this.
The Bonesaw 