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Spaceman Frank’s WrestleMania 33 Predictions

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by Frank Lucci

WrestleMania 33 is almost upon us, and it has to be better than last year’s WrestleMania…right?

The overall build has been very vanilla for the most part, with a few matches given stellar storylines while others feel like WWE just picked names out of a hat, announced a match, then moved on. Even more curious is that WWE has chosen to fill up much of the Raws and SmackDowns before the Ultimate Thrill Ride with mini rivalries that won’t even factor into the main show such as Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman, Luke Harper vs. Bray Wyatt, and Charlotte vs. Dana Brooke. Sure, there might be something to these throwaway matches on WrestleMania, but why cram all that into the preamble when you could just wait until after the Show of Shows and actually build up the main matches for the biggest show of the year?

However, it is WrestleMania after all, and there is always enough buzz in the air about the event to keep you excited enough to check it out. As I explained it to my manager at work, WrestleMania is like Christmas if it lasted for three days…so I guess that makes it a Mini-Hanukkwanzikkah. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my WrestleMania 33 predictions!

2017 Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

I wish this opened the show proper, as battle royals are always fun and wacky affairs and a good way to cart out all the mid and lower card wrestlers to give them some attention before the “real” (AKA part time) wrestlers take over the show. WWE initially seemed to be trying to build up this event by announcing a few guys early, but then did absolutely nothing with this match for weeks. Then they plugged in all the guys from SmackDown’s tag team division (sorry lads, better luck next year!) and here we go.

Really, this is the Braun Strowman show, and it seems stupidly obvious he is going to win here. I think it will come down to him and Sami Zayn, Zayn will struggle a bit, and then he will get tossed into the second row of the arena and crowd surfed away. Or maybe James Ellsworth will be last and sneak out a victory before being thrown into the second bowl of the stadium. Or, Beth Phoenix will enter and recreate her spot from the 2010 Royal Rumble and kiss Strowman so she can eliminate him. Just kidding, Strowman is hoofing people over the rope like it’s his favorite activity (which it is).

Neville (c) vs. Austin Aries (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)

Aries, being the pro that he is, sold me on this match when a fan asked him if he was upset that he was on the pre-show. He responded with “The pre-show just became must-watch, so no.” Classic.

I think this has potential to be a top three match of the evening, and both men have elevated the Cruiserweight division. The problem is while they are riding high they forgot to bring the rest of the division with them. I really wish they would have made this a multi man ladder match to get more people involved, but whatever. Neville needs to keep the belt here, but Austin is not a bad choice to prematurely end the reign of the king. Neville wins and this feud lasts for quite a bit as both men step up their game and keep the division hot.

Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Baron Corbin (Intercontinental Championship Match)

With the Smackdown women getting the bump back up to the main card of ‘Mania, I honestly think this will take it’s place on the pre-show. It’s not fair to the men involved because they have made the most of the limited minutes of TV time they have seemed to get over four weeks to build this.

Ambrose has done nothing since getting the belt, which is a shame considering Miz and Dolph Ziggler worked so hard to get people to actually care about the Intercontinental title again. Corbin does really well whenever the WWE give him something to sink into, and this feud has plenty of untapped potential. Also, if it were taking place at any other time it would be a marquee match. Instead, they’ll probably get the shaft and we get a condensed version of what could have been. Corbin wins because he needs the belt while Ambrose can bounce around wherever needed. Plus, Corbin has a better chance of elevating the belt to where it was before.

The Club (c) vs. Enzo and Big Cass vs. Sheamus and Cesaro (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Ladder Match)

This would have been my choice to get bumped to the preshow if it was not for the ladder stipulation that was tacked on after Sheamus had his head graphically split open. It seems like an odd stipulation given that there are plenty of huge men that I don’t see flying around and falling off ladders. I get the sinking feeling Enzo is going to bounce around like a pinball, and maybe Cesaro will fly around as well doing something inhumanly athletic (seriously, I’m pretty sure the guy is part of the X-Men. Is Cesaro secretly Cyclops? I’ve never seen them in the same room…). Anyway, I’d like The Club to retain now that they actually have the belts, but I think Enzo and Cass will get the win. They will have the feel good moment of the night, and since they are all over the Network’s build to the event it would make sense. They have deserved gold for some time, and it might as well be at WrestleMania.

Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Carmella vs. Becky Lynch vs Natalya vs. Mickie James vs. Naomi (Six Pack Challenge for WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship)

After some confusion with Naomi’s injury status we initially had this match advertised as SmackDown Women’s Champion Alexa Bliss competing against every available women wrestler on the blue brand going for the belt.

However, WWE is now selling this as a Six Pack Challenge, so I’m not sure if any surprise entrants are coming. I’ll just take this match as is, but if any surprise entrants do show up I think it will be Tamina Snuka over somebody like Asuka (especially since she retained her NXT Women’s Championship at NXT TakeOver: Orlando). Despite the multitude of ladies in this match, this might as well be Bliss vs. Naomi since they are the only two with a real chance of winning. Naomi is the popular pick here to win in her hometown, but Bliss is just too good as champ to lose the belt this quick. I think Bliss will retain after we get the customary R1 chain of finishers spot and we can transition into continuing her feud with Naomi.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

After putting the company on his back for months and delivering stellar matches with everyone under the sun, Styles deserves a better ‘Mania match than Shane O’Mac. The Boy Wonder pretty much has just one move – and while it is a spectacular one, this match is just a standard one, so I doubt we will see him dropping elbows off of something tall.

Instead, Styles will spend the whole match making his onscreen boss look good, despite Shane’s history of rather dubious boxing (drop the punches and focus on either diving off things or learning some real moves). That being said, they did do a fine job of building this contest, and they could not really do anything else differently to make it better. Shane is the weak point in it all, and we don’t need a Shane O’Mania match every year to go with the Undertaker and Triple H matches every year.

AJ wins and moves on to something bigger and better once the part timers are gone.

Seth Rollins vs. Triple H (Non-Sanctioned Match)

I have a big problem with this match from a kayfabe perspective. If Rollins signed the Hold Harmless papers and agreed to an unsanctioned match, what is to stop Triple H from bringing Samoa Joe or even some NXT callups from just dogpiling on Rollins?

Issues with the logic aside, this will be a fun little match depending on how healthy Rollins really is. WWE keeps running video packages telling us how devastatingly hurt he is, yet for a guy coming to the ring in crutches he sure can hit a lot of leg/knee-based moves (RIP kayfabe). Triple H will work said knee and generally be an evil bastard for a while, send Rollins to Dad Bod City before Crossfit Jesus recovers and wins the match via Holy Crossfit Powers (it is a Sunday, after all).

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

The build to this has been absolutely golden, and it is easy to get people into this match based on the easily consumable YouTube videos that the skits and promo wars have produced.

Props to WWE for realizing that giving The Miz a chance to jab and poke the bear is the best. He is so good, and while people think this is a step down for Cena I think this is a makeup made in heaven. Plus, getting their respective female life partners involved also helps elevate their own division in the process. Sure, Maryse has not competed since coming back to WWE, but she is a former Divas champ and can go if need be. Having these two alongside a bonafide Superstar like Cena and the veteran Miz shows WWE has faith in their women to compete with the best of the men.

Cena has said that he is going to run through Miz with no problem, which makes me think Mr. and Mrs. Miz are going to get the win. Maryse gets the sneaky heel rollup because The Miz’s are just that good of bad guys. As for the rumored proposal of Cena to Nikki, I honestly don’t care, but if they do get engaged then congrats – but only if it’s for real and not happy ending storyline purposes (which would actually prove Miz right, turning Cena heel in real life).

Bayley (c) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax (Fatal 4-Way for WWE Raw Women’s Championship)

WWE shot their load early by giving the title to Bayley on Raw, which would have been the WrestleMania worthy moment. Instead, she ended Charlotte’s undefeated Pay-Per-View streak at Fastlane to further kill interest in this match and then said “screw it” and added Sasha Banks and then Nia Jax to this feud.

I think this was WWE’s only choice, and hopefully they mix things up soon because I am rapidly growing sick of seeing the same matches over and over again on Raw. Jax is my dark horse here, and I think she needs to eliminate Charlotte to establish how dominant she really is, then feud with her going forward. Sasha and Bayley should then team up to take Jax down before Sasha does a betrayal five to win the belt.

Chris Jericho (c) vs. Kevin Owens (United States Championship Match)

THE MEGA BEST FRIENDS EXPLODE!

The Festival of Friendship is the new standard of ending friendships in wrestling, and since then these two men have done…not a whole lot. Sure, Owens lost the Universal Championship when Y2J meandered out at Fastlane to distract him, but since then Owens has been regulated to one of Triple H’s lackeys – the other being Samoa Joe (who for reasons unknown is not on the card at all). Jericho will probably be done with his current run by May, and since he has done nothing with the US title, I see Owens grabbing it here.

They then can have an Extreme Rules match to settle things and have Owens destroy him to write Jericho off TV. Then we can pray for an Evolution 2.0 with Owens, Joe, Pete Dunne, and Triple H because that would be excellent.

Bray Wyatt (c) vs. Randy Orton (WWE Championship Match)

One of the best long term stories WWE has put on since Rock vs. Cena sees Bray finally getting his belt and defending it against WWE’s longest tenured crazy person.

Seeing Wyatt get his due was great, but the build to this match since has been hit and miss. Orton commits arson and nobody but AJ Styles seems to bat an eye, while Wyatt spreads ashes all over himself and gets some buddies to beat up Orton with him. This should be a Triple Threat with Luke Harper involved, but maybe next month he can get his chance at the main event. However, I see Harper making his presence felt before the returning Erick Rowan takes him out and helps Wyatt retain.

Side note: I really don’t want to see babyface Orton on top of SmackDown. He is a boring good guy and I just cannot handle it. Please don’t do this WWE.

Goldberg (c) vs. Brock Lesnar (WWE Universal Title Match)

You know you’ve got a barnburner of a match on your hands when the champ has wrestled five minutes in the past three months, has two moves in his arsenal, and has not defended the belt since winning it.

When your champion of a brand featuring some truly talented individuals threatens to hit a third move in interviews, you know your main event scene is messed up. Brock Lesnar has been severely damaged by all this, so I hope he destroys Goldberg to win the belt and we get The Beast returning to his unstoppable ways. With Goldberg’s run rumored to be finished after ‘Mania, he is probably going to lose.

The next night on the Raw after ‘Mania, Finn Balor comes out and challenges Brock to a match for the belt he never lost, kicks Lesnar’s head in, and I start caring about the Universal Championship again.

Side note: The Beast Incarnate vs. The Demon King is serious money. Please do this WWE.

The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

This is rumored to go on last, and I think it should – especially if this is Undertaker’s last match (judging from his frankly rough look over the past few weeks, I believe this to be true).

Triple H has already stated in interviews that Reigns is the heel here, so I’m glad they’re smart enough to realize that nobody is cheering him over ‘Taker. ‘Taker does not seem very mobile, so this will be a plodding affair since Reigns is not good enough to elevate a match with a limited opponent. Expect a greatest hits package from Undertaker in a match that will be more memorable for the crowd giving Reigns the business rather than anything entertaining happening in the ring. Reigns wins due to ‘Taker being a pro and wanting to put people over, plus the rumored ‘Mania 34 main event of Reigns vs. Lesnar being more interesting if both men have beaten the Undertaker at WrestleMania.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

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Manopera! Episode 34: ‘Member The Rumble?

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In honor of Bonesaw Entertainment’s two-year anniversary, Chris and Spaceman Frank talk the ‘member berry madness of Royal Rumble 2017.

Donate to our Patreon at www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Royal Rumble 2017 Predictions

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by Frank Lucci

Let’s get mildly prepared to rumble! The Royal Rumble always has the bonus of being one of the few Pay-Per-View’s guaranteed to offer a surprise or two, and despite some stinkers in recent years, last year’s Rumble was my favorite PPV of the 2016. This year is actually very similar to last year’s. There is a possibility that Reigns could walk out as champ, people assume Brock will lose the rumble match due to his probable WrestleMania opponent knocking him out. People are ready to fantasy book New Japan (Kenny Omega, though that looks pretty unlikely) and NXT stars (Samoa Joe) into significant roles into ‘Mania. Getting some major deja vu from the PPV, but can WWE pull off the same magic for a second time? One big factor is the eight (!!!) matches for the Rumble, through three déjà vu are pre-show matches so they do not really count. This could seriously drain the crowd before the Rumble match begins, but the possibility of surprise entrants and the hype surrounding the match should help. And for the first time in ages the winner of the match is in doubt, with many different people in the running to win. I’m Spaceman Frank, and I am here to predict the Royal Rumble 2017.

Cesaro and Sheamus (C) vs. The Club (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match with Two Referees)

Oh boy, talk about an exciting stipulation! Totally do not expect a screwy finish here! The Club keep hovering around and losing to everyone, so why are they getting this shot again? If they are just going to fart around and not win the bets, then can they just go to SmackDown and be AJ’s henchmen again? Cesaro and Sheamus are a much better tag team then they have any right to be, but I still have zero reason to care or cheer for their future success. I predict that The Club will actually win, so that Sheamus and Cesaro can brawl while in the Rumble and we can get the Best of Seven Series: Twice in a Lifetime.

Becky Lynch, Nikki Bella, and Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss, Mickie James, and Natalya

What to do with the SmackDown women when they got a PPV in around two weeks? Why, throw them into a six women tag match of course! If the ladies actually get an Elimination Chamber match at Elimination Chamber I expect it to be this match but every person for themselves. Really hard to care about this match, but it is better than listening to the pre-show panel spout nonsense. Heel team wins because they have the newcomer in Mickie James and the Champ in Alexa Bliss.

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

The only pre-show match I actually am invested in. It is time for Nia Jax to have a real opponent, and having shown up in NXT after the Four Horsewomen (minus Bayley) guarantees she has some interesting matchups. She needs to get more involved in the division to freshen things up, so hopefully she takes advantage here and shows she is worth a push sooner rather than later. My only hangup is Banks’ bumping. If she flies around and gets banged up by Charlotte, imagine what will happen when the much larger Jax starts tossing her around. Jax crushes Banks in dominating fashion.

Rich Swann (C) vs. Neville (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)

This match should be plenty exciting, but Swann has fallen into one of the biggest pitfalls for babyfaces in the WWE: he does not talk like a human. He went from giving heartfelt sitdown interviews about his past to making fun of Neville’s ears. He, Reigns, and Rollins need to form Shield 2.0 where they act like Kiefer Sutherland in Stand By Me and expect people to cheer for them. Anyway, both these guys are magic in the ring regardless of the actual built for this match, so this should be a highlight for the division. It seems as though Neville is destined to win the belt, but four champions so soon into the division’s run is too many. Swann retains to stop the hot potatoing between the belt and so WWE can stall until they inevitably just throw eight or ten guys into the ring at WrestleMania to fight for the belt.

Charlotte Flair (C) vs. Bayley

Will Bayley beat Charlotte and hand her the first PPV loss of her career?? No, no she will not. If WWE was going to go all in on Bayley getting the belt, they would have done a better job at hyping the match. As it stands now, all the WWE did was have people make fun of her and then for Bayley to be like “eh whatever.” I really do not see Charlotte losing the belt before WrestleMania to add extra emphasis to her first big PPV loss, and they can draw this out much like they did for Charlotte vs. Banks until the big show. Maybe have Charlotte get the DQ win to taint the streak?  Dana Brooke saves her friend/ boss/ abusive girlfriend and Charlotte keeps the belt.

Kevin Owens (C) vs. Roman Reigns (No DQ match with Chris Jericho suspended in a shark cage above the ring for the WWE Universal Championship)

I just felt dumber after writing the above sentence. We get it WWE. You have a toy with a cage suspended above the WWE ring. Kids are the only people who love Reigns. Why not have Reigns beat up that dastardly Owens as kids imitate it with their playsets? I just do not have words for how stupid I feel this is. This match was effectively ruined the moment Jericho, for reasons completely unknown to me or sanity in general, Loony Tunes-style stepped into the cage when it was first revealed so he could be locked in and suspended above the ring. At least have Reigns push him into the cage rather than him just wander in. WWE has made it clear that they think Owens is nowhere near the level of Reigns, and this match is to get the belt off him so he can feud with Jericho finally. Reigns wins, hopefully after Owens beats the piss out of him so I can at least laugh at Reign’s pain.

AJ Styles (C) vs. John Cena (WWE Championship Match)

My third match between these two promises to be as epic as their previous encounters, with the added bonus of the championship on the line. AJ Styles has knocked it out of the park for his entire run, even when he was dealing with Ellsworth. Cena has come right back to SmackDown and has not lost a step. The promos between the two are the highlights of the week for me, and credit to the two men for making me fine with Cena picking up the belt again. For indeed, I believe Cena will finally get his win and the belt at the Rumble. It is WrestleMania season after all, and WWE is going with the strongest hand that they can. With the constant rumors that Styles and Owens are being pushed aside for Cena and Reigns, it makes sense for Cena to grab the belt here. I am not completely certain that Cena wins here considering there seems to be a new rumored opponent for him every day, but I cannot see the WWE having Styles go into ‘Mania as champ. Big John gets the win and we establish his challenger at Elimination Chamber as Styles hopefully gets a better match at Mania than him versus Shane McMahon.

Royal Rumble Match

I’m going to do something a little different here and rank, from least likely to most likely, the chances of each announced competitor of winning the Royal Rumble match. There are 22 announced entrants for the match, so I predict the match will be rounded out by Samoa Joe (because c’mon, he has to be in this match after missing Takeover), James Ellsworth (to get destroyed by a much larger man), Breezeango (for extra bodies), Kane (because he is a legacy character), AJ Styles (needs more SmackDown stars), TJ Perkins (needs more Cruiserweights), and Nia Jax (because why not?).

22. Big Cass- Tag team people never win.

21. Rusev- Always is out first despite being the best human being on the planet (as seen in Total Divas).

20. Sheamus- Already has one match on the PPV and it’s on the pre-show.

19. Xavier Woods- Here for faction warfare.

18. Kofi Kingston- Here for faction warfare/agility.

17. Big E- Here for faction warfare/sexy dancing.

16. Sami Zayn- Going to last for minimum 45 minutes, only to be thrown out by the real stars.

15. Baron Corbin- Most likely going to throw out a fan favorite to get some heat/acquire new rival.

14. Cesaro- Going to last longer than Sheamus, but still following the rule of people with a previous match having no chance in the Rumble.

13. Mojo Rawley- my roommate Kim loves him, so I give him a slight chance to do something significant here at the Rumble. Plus, he has to do something while Zack Ryder is out with injury.

12. Big Show- Gonna get tossed by someone (Mojo?) to show how strong said person is.

11. Luke Harper- Despite being my boy, he is going to get tossed by the rest of the Wyatts. Perhaps he will turn face here after his treatment, or they will have Randy turn and Luke forgives Bray instantly. Personally, I’d rather see all three get into it and we get a Mani triple threat out of this.

10. Dean Ambrose- Already Intercontinental champ, so he will find a way to lose here. Perhaps he will find a new rival here, or they will have him enter the Elimination Chamber and find his ‘Mania opponent there (or we get the ladder match. Either way he is not winning).

9. Dolph Ziggler- Ziggler is one of those guys that will last until the final five or six people, but get tossed when it is time to clear out the pool. Evil Ziggler is best Ziggler but I see WWE waiting to establish where his ceiling will be for the future.

8. The Miz- Momma Mizanin’s baby boy had a hell of a 2016, but he is not ready to get into the main event just before the biggest show of the year. In the doldrums after SummerSlam? Sure. Springtime quickie run to shake things up? Maybe. But not right now.

7. Randy Orton- This is where the serious contenders start showing up. I can see him throwing out Bray when they are the final two, and I can see Bray doing the same to Orton. I do not think he really needs the win though, and his future feud with Wyatt does not need a belt thrown into the mix too.

6. Bray Wyatt- See the previous entry, with the added bonus of being a creepy cult leader who has henchmen to help him win.

5. Braun Strowman- The massive mountain of a man could pull a 2001 Kane and eliminate a record number of people. Then be the second to last person left and get booted out, again just like 2001 Kane. There are plenty of rumors surrounding the big guy winning, but with so many big stars in the match I do not think he is going to walk out the winner.

4. Chris Jericho- I can see Jericho being a dark horse to win the match, but only if Owens retains the belt. Since I already said Reigns is going to lose, this drops him down a  few pegs in my book.

3. Goldberg- Already has a big feud for ‘Mania almost certainly happening, and with a contract that has even less dates than Lesnar I do not see him challenging for the belt.

2. Brock Lesnar- I wanna say he will not win the Rumble, due to the whole Goldberg deal. But it is still very hard to discount him. I can see WWE having him win, then giving Goldberg a quick reign with the belt so he can drop it to Lesnar. Since Lesnar has dropped off significantly in 2016 a good title reign would boost him (and his value) back up.

1. Undertaker- This seems like the sure bet. Having ‘Taker be the only free agent in the match adds extra intrigue and plot to the build to WrestleMania, as he can go to either show. Throw in retirement rumors and this is the best way to make WrestleMania 33’s main event superior to last year’s.

 

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Re-Booking WrestleMania 32 With Injured Superstars

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by Frank Lucci

Injuries have been the biggest story of WWE this past year, with the company suffering so many setbacks they might have inducted the Godfather into the Hall of Fame in hopes he turns back into Papa Shango and reverses whatever curse the company has over them.

It’s no doubt that with the exception of last-minute star power from yesteryear, WrestleMania 32 lost some luster. Considering the state of the active roster, many fans wonder what the biggest show of the year would have looked like with the WWE at full strength.

Spaceman Frank is here to do one better and fantasy book ‘Mania 32 with only injured WWE and NXT wrestlers.

Here are the rules:

  1. Only wrestlers who are confirmed or rumored to be injured at the time of this writing (March 31, 2016) will be included in the card with two exceptions: The Undertaker (because it would not be WrestleMania without him) and Titus O’Neil (because he is suspended through WrestleMania for bullshit reasons).
  2. No Daniel Bryan because his injury forced him into retirement, however Sting is still eligible due to the fact that he had refused to say he is calling it a career at the time of this writing.
  3. Champions will be the same as WrestleMania 31 (because they are all on the inactive list) with the obvious exception of Daniel Bryan as Intercontinental Champion. To recap: that means Seth Rollins is WWE World Heavyweight Champion, John Cena is United States Champion, Cesaro and Tyson Kidd are Tag Team Champions, and Nikki Bella is Divas Champion.

Kickoff Pre-show Match: Hideo Itami vs. Neville

After his showing at the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal at WrestleMania 31, Itami jumps to the main roster and finds a niche among NXT fans and those who appreciate his hard-hitting style. Neville follows suit after a series of vignettes (instead of just one roughly 45 minutes before his debut).

The two smaller yet talented superstars manage to avoid a clash for some time, until the two begin a friendly rivalry after a confrontation during the Royal Rumble. They warm up the crowd with their fast-paced styles until Neville hits the Red Arrow to pick up the victory. Itami then attacks Neville and begins an epic post-Mania rivalry.

Titus O’Neil vs. Randy Orton

Orton bounces around in his generic babyface role until he snaps and becomes his slightly less generic heel role. Meanwhile, “Big Deal” Titus O’Neil has gradually won over the WWE Universe due to being an all around nice guy, legit athlete, 2015 Celebrity Dad of the Year and having a fiery comeback that rivals Hulk Hogan (I may be a big Titus fan).

O’neil finally gets a big singles push against The Viper when he eliminates him from the Royal Rumble. This causes Orton to snap, injuring O’neil’s tag team partner Darren Young and several attempts to make Titus look like a terrible family man.

With his status as Celebrity Dad of the Year hanging in the balance, O’neil brings it to Orton until the voices in Orton’s head tell him to DQ himself by hitting the mega-dad with a steel chair; setting up a hardcore rematch between the two at Payback and finally the first-ever “Celebrity Dad of the Year Award on a Pole” match at Extreme Rules.

Cesaro and Tyson Kidd (C) vs. Alberto Del Rio and William Regal (Tag Team Championship Match)

The “Brass Ring Club” (as dubbed by fans of Kidd and Cesaro) are the highly talented tag team with a bone to pick with The Authority. Cesaro is still resentful over Vince Mcmahon’s harsh assessment of him on Stone Cold’s podcast while Kidd is angry he had to claw his way back to the main roster from NXT.

They wage war with WWE management until Triple H brings in some ringers to stop the duo. Those ringers turn out to be Del Rio (who may or may not be hurt, but since he is not working live shows I’m including him here) and NXT commissioner William Regal (who recently had neck surgery and for storyline purposes comes back for one last shot at glory). The League of Nations cannot beat the Swiss-Canadian connection, who eventually convince the League to join them as the much more diplomatically efficient United Nations.

Nikki Bella (C) vs. Dana Brooke (Divas Championship Match)

Nikki Bella, the longest reigning Divas champ of all time runs through the roster searching for a worthy adversary. Eventually one of her rivals, Emma, brings in her protege’ Dana Brooke to try and take on Nikki.

Brooke claims to be a younger, fitter and most importantly prettier Diva, but falls victim to twin magic at Fastlane. Brooke demands a rematch between the two with a special stipulation: to avoid the Bellas potentially cheating again, the two Total Divas meet inside a steel cage. To further the drama and cross pollination with the Total Divas reality show, Rosa Mendes (who is out with maternity leave) is the special guest referee.

Brooke uses her strength to throw Nikki around, but Brie climbs the cage to dive on Dana. This being Brie, she accidentally takes down Mendes and Nikki instead. Brooke sprints out the cage door to win the belt, giving Nikki an excuse for a rematch (due to Brooke winning the title via the lamest way possible).

John Cena (C) vs. Luke Harper (United States Championship match)

Cena dominates everyone during his reign as US champ because America.

After weeks of seeing every up and coming Superstar lose the US Open Challenge, fans are ready for something new. Harper steps up to the plate with Bray Wyatt giving his blessing for his disciple to take on his former rival.

The two have an epic match, with Harper showing why Cena himself calls him the most underutilized wrestler on the roster. While Harper doesn’t walk away with gold, he does turn face through a hearty American-sized handshake from Cena. This leads to a feud with Wyatt for Harper and more open challenges for Cena.

Bray Wyatt (C) vs. Sting (Intercontinental Championship Match)

Wyatt wins the Intercontinental Championship at Elimination Chamber after Daniel Bryan is forced to give it up in a match rather than the depressing way things happened in real life. Bray uses the Wyatt Family to help him keep the title as he cuts promos promising to hold the belt indefinitely to deprive the WWE Universe of one of it’s most sacred prizes.

The vicious gang attacks draw the ire of Sting, who goes old-school on the family by descending from the rafters to beat them down with a baseball bat. This leads to weeks of spooky guy videos from the two with no actual encounters between Sting and Wyatt.hisAt WrestleMania Bray and Sting fight for the gold and also to avoid being known as the guy who always loses his feuds. Sting looks to have everything locked up, but Wyatt reverses a Stinger Splash into a Ura-Nage slam and gets the win. Sting decides to hang up with boots as an active competitor and instead becomes Commissioner of the WWE to continue to fight injustice.

Seth Rollins (C) vs. The Undertaker (WWE World Heavyweight Championship match – if The Undertaker loses he must retire)

Rollins is the slimy champ you can’t help but respect in the ring.

With The Authority backing him he beats each and every challenger one way or another. He feels invincible until Undertaker wins the Royal Rumble. Rollins’ usual tricks to injure his opponents fail due to Taker’s veteran instincts (and, you know, magic). However, at Fastlane Rollins wins a match that lets him choose the stipulation for his WrestleMania dance with the Deadman. He decides that the main event of WrestleMania will be Title vs. Career, with ‘Taker being forced to retire if he loses.

In front of tens of thousands of fellow Texans Undertaker pushes Rollins to his crossfit limits, but Rollins wins in the end with a ridiculous Pedigree/Curbstomp combo. WrestleMania ends with the massive crowd cheering Taker and the roster lining the entrance ramp to show their respect to the Deadman. The last shot is Vince Mcmahon  holding up Undertaker’s arm as pyro goes off behind them.

 

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 15: ‘Mania Week Part 2 – WrestleMania 32 SuperShow

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What did Chris and “Spaceman” Frank think of ‘Mania 32 and the aftermath on Raw? Find out in the second and final part of this leviathan podcast as they are joined by Nicholas Jason Lopez of ProWrestlingOpinion.com.

 

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 13: Pre-‘Mania Meltdown

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Chris and Frank are praying Wrestlemania 32 is anything but mediocre and you need to know why. Sit back and listen to their pre and post-‘Mania theories, Lucha Underground, the possibility of the “brand split” return and more.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 12: Roadblock and a Half Shell

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After a brief hiatus, Manopera is back with a vengeance. Chris and the Spaceman talk WWE Roadblock, WrestleMania and more in a podcast sure to knock you’re New Day socks off (we know you bought them).

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WWE 24 – WrestleMania: Silicon Valley

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by Frank Lucci

WWE 24 is a great concept for original programming on the WWE Network, but so far only a few episodes have been produced. Immediately following the Royal Rumble however, the WWE released a new episode following several superstars in the immediate lead up to WrestleMania 31.

How does it stack up to previous entries that chronicled WrestleMania 30 and NXT Takeover: Brooklyn? Spaceman Frank has the answers.

Authors note: Don’ t know why they subtitled this Silicon Valley. Is Santa Clara copyrighted? Why not just call it WWE 24: WrestleMania 31?

Sting is first, and as he arrives at his hotel there are dozens of fans waiting for him. Good guy Sting signs autographs and takes photos. Sting runs into Ricky Steamboat and they share some dad humor. Sting looks like a CEO of a tech conglomerate that always shows up to the office late because his morning workout went long.

We then see various WWE personnel doing press for a wide variety of outlets until we settle on Roman Reigns. Reigns talks about how he feels it is fate to headline WrestleMania in his favorite football teams (49’ers) stadium. One of the many production members Jason Robinson talks about the several week setup for the WrestleMania set. This is a huge production which is cool to see. In addition, we see how having a WrestleMania in the daylight affected the design of the stage.

Cue the Axxess montage. Several wrestlers are interviewed, but the highlight is Zack Ryder confronting a fan for buying Seth Rollins merch instead of his. The Ultimate Warrior statue is unveiled as we see the late legend’s ex-wife and daughters tear up.

Don’t blink because here comes the Hall of Fame montage. Although nothing too exciting initially as it is all footage from the ceremony with small bits of candid backstage talk. The highlight again being Ultimate Warrior’s and Connor the Crusher’s family being honored with a hard shift in emotion from the previous fun and excitement vibe from before.

We get to the big day and (shocker) everyone is nervous, particularly Seth Rollins (working his first singles match at ‘Mania) and Paige (wrestling in front of her mom). Cool guy Reigns drops an F bomb before we cut to the crew trying to get everything together hours before the event. My biggest question is how they got the tank for Rusev into the stadium, where the biggest disappointment of the show is that it ignores this completely. Good guy Sting continues to be super grateful to be there and Paige refers to Kid Ink and Travis Barker as “superstars” (right….).

Paige tries to knock out an interview only for Scott Hall, X-Pac, Kevin Nash (wearing a gold helmet of all things) and Shawn Michaels to drive into the shot on a golf cart.

Can we get a show featuring these guys just causing shenanigans?

We spend a long time seeing how the Triple H/Terminator entrance came together. This tidbit is fairly cool, but I thought his entrance was just OK when I saw it live (It ain’t no tank!).  Several NXT guys are interviewed being super stoked that they get to wear masks and stand in the middle of the fog during the entrance.

Showtime! Paige continues to be nervous as we see the participants of the opening ladder match warming up (I guess pre-show match people didn’t warrant being shown). Luke Harper is briefly seen before they actually go into the match (Another missed opportunity: seeing how Stardust’s ridiculous outfit and bedazzled ladder came into being). We then get more focus on Paige being nervous, so much so you forget that three other women are in her match.

Next are some quick highlights of Rollins vs. Orton before we see Sting preparing for his WWE debut. Easily the highlight of the show, Sting is getting pumped for his match while trying to come to grips with the scale of it all. Vince McMahon gives him a hug and some words of encouragement as good guy Sting is just happy for the opportunity to be there. This is great stuff and really makes you fall in love with Sting as a person and not just a character. It’s also nice to see Stephanie McMahon yell “Get ’em, Sting” as the NXT guys cheer him on before his entrance to get him psyched ( The poor guy probably needed that based on his blank expression as the ‘Mania crowd is easily his biggest audience in a long time if not ever).  Triple H enters and the match goes well. Wrestlers watch backstage looking like excited kids, especially John Cena with a big grin on his face (cue Hulk Hogan alert!).

Montage of random moments from the show are then dragged down by having to hear the lackluster live performance of the WrestleMania 31 theme song. We skip over  Cena and Rusev’s US Championship match (why all the tank hate, guys?) and The Rock’s segment to get to Paige’s match. Paige is so nervous that she has to be told by the cameraman to keep moving down the ramp (dawwwww). Afterward the match she has a touching moment with her mom as A Day to Remember guitarist and boyfriend Kevin Skaff just stands there awkwardly.

Undertaker is here.

This is followed by some quick footage of him backstage with Brock Lesnar exchanging words of advice. It’s funny to see ‘Taker being human before he gets in the zone. Footage of his match with Wyatt plays as Rollins talks about how Reigns is “like, such a cool dude” (really sick of WWE getting Reign’s much more talented friends to try and convince us of how great he is).

Reigns is awkwardly trying to get pumped up for his entrance in front of a bunch of fans as Lesnar looks like he is ready to murder someone. More montage of in-ring action where the best part is seeing Reign’s laugh followed by a fan yelling “Stop laughing Roman, it’s not funny.” Rollins cashes in his Money in the Bank briefcase and we get a cool shot of him sprinting out from backstage. Rollins wins and he is understandably blown away. Cue the montage of people hugging Rollins even though he looks pretty gross (how much do wrestlers spend on dry cleaning?) followed by the ending montage and we are out.

Overall, this is a decent way to kill 40 minutes. Sting steals the show as the dude is just so humble and comes off really well. While not as good as the Takeover: Brooklyn show, WrestleMania 31: Silicon Valley still shows some pretty candid moments behind the scenes. There are a little too many montages of footage we’ve seen before but this is the WWE and we know how much they like recapping things.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 8: WWE 2015 Review & The People vs. Roman Reigns

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Chris and “Spaceman” Frank review WWE in 2015 and tackle the topic of whether or not the Roman Reigns experiment will pan out or if the WWE is just simply trying too hard to make him a John Cena clone.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 6: Everyone is Gob Bluth at Survivor Series

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Not only do Chris and Frank review Survivor Series 2015, but they do so with guests Marques “Box” Younger and Nicholas Jason Lopez of prowrestlingopinion.com for this heated and rambunctious debate.