Come 2020, the Iron Sheik will be looking to make America humble again.
The WWE Hall of Famer shocked the world Wednesday when he announced via Twitter that he too will be joining his fellow sports entertainer turned megastar Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the next Presidential election.
“FUCK THE PRESIDENT TRUMP!” he tweeted. “BEFORE HE NICE GUY! NOW HE BIG DOUCHEBAG! I MAKE HIM HUMBLE!!! #SHEIK2020.”
To guarantee the internet’s implosion, Rocky responded to the Sheik’s promise.
“Much love/congrats 2 @the_ironsheik! Looking forward 2 tagging w/ #Sheikybaby in the #2020Election!”
When asked which party he would run with, Sheik has decided to go Independent, not just because he loves indy fans, but also because yellow is his favorite color. “It remind me of home and WWF World Heavyweight Championship belt,” he told The Bonesaw.
Shiek has also decided to make his party’s mascot a camel because of his intense pride for his Iranian culture (it’s also his favorite animal). “IRON SHEIK: NUMBER ONE! CAMEL: NUMBER ONE! ELEPHANT AND DONKEY? HUACK, PTOO” he yelled in delight. “ONLY THE ROCK THE REAL! ALL OTHER CANDIDATE JABRONI! FUCK THE KANYE, TOO!”
Other than serving the Shah of Iran in his youth, the Sheik has no political experience – possibly even less than President Trump. With that said, he knows exactly how he’s going to win the 2020 Presidency.
“I SUPLEX THEM, I PUT THEM IN THE CAMEL CLUTCH, I BREAK ALL THEIR FUCKING BACKS! I MAKE THEM HUMBLE!”
When asked if this is actually some kind of elaborate hoax in order to gain traction, the Sheik responded by suplexing our reporter and putting them in the Camel Clutch. Our reporter is now in critical condition at Mt. Kayfabe Memorial Hospital with a broken back and has since been terminated for upsetting a WWE legend and future Presidential candidate.
Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.
The Moment: The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan, WrestleMania XVIII
Whenever two of the all time greats come together and compete it’s always a spectacle that demands attention. Even if it ends up disappointing like Mayweather vs. Pacquiao huge amounts of people dissect every aspect of the contest right up until things actually kick off. What’s even rarer is when the best of different generations come together and have a contest worthy of all the hype, which is why Hulk Hogan vs The Rock at WrestleMania 18 is such a special moment in wrestling. While such contests are either improbable or even impossible, this not only happened but it was a pretty damn good match to boot.
The Rock was inching his way out the door in 2002, and while he would stick around for a little bit after this, it was clear he was moving on to bigger and better things. He guided the WWE through the dreaded Invasion angle and was looking for something to do to follow up his spectacular match at the previous WrestleMania with “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.
How do you follow up on the match that is widely considered the greatest main event in WrestleMania history and the end of the Attitude Era?
Enter Hulk Hogan. He collected on his guaranteed contract from the now dead WCW, missing the Invasion entirely. This probably helped himself and many other big names from tarnishing their legacies and made sure they were able to pop up in WWE with some actual fanfare and hoopla. When he showed up with the rest of the NWO in tow it was a big deal, and I can only imagine how much this match would have suffered if Hogan and his cronies were forced to plod through the Invasion and kiss up to Stone Cold.
Instead we get Hogan being quite the evil bastard. The video package highlights his cartoon villainy as he blames the fans for making him walk out of the WWE in the early 90’s and running into his ambulance with a freaking semi truck. This match is famous for the double turn during the match that the fans started by cheering Hogan over The Rock, but to be fair Rocky acts like a dick during this hype video. Despite the choral music that accompanies his first appearance in the video he does attack Hogan first, and I can excuse an old man for getting his buddies to help him face off against a man half his age.
Hogan is out first and he definitely gets some cheers, but nothing like he would receive later. At some point people are just happy you’re still around and conceded that yes, you are one of the best of all time. It happened to Hogan, it happened to Flair, and it’s even starting to happen to the greatest heel of all time, Tom Brady. Thankfully, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler do not try to ignore or cover up the fact that Hogan is getting cheered like today’s WWE announcers would (and if we had to listen to JBL yell “THESE CANUCKS JUST LOVE TO HAVE FUN MAGGLE!” during this match I would have shot my television). Poor Rocky again gets a pretty lame pop for the second ‘Mania in a row, and the dude just cannot seem to catch a break.
Then the magic happens. Toronto just goes nuts when both men stare at each other and they never really stop. The two stars know how to work a crowd, and being the pros that they are they milk the reaction for everything it’s got. Hulk has a reputation for not wanting to put people over, but props to him for agreeing to lay down for The Rock here. Hogan pushes Rocky down and crowd acts like Jesus Christ just came down from heaven wearing a Maple Leafs jersey and the sky was raining poutine down like manna. One shove was all it took to people to lose their minds.
I cannot help and have a flashback to Mayweather v.s Pacquiao at this point. I watched that fight expecting a slugfest between two of the greatest of all time, and instead we got a lame duck boxing match. That legitimate sporting event collapsed under the weight of it’s own hype. Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg fell into the same trap when they first wrestled at ‘Mania 20.
Wrestling is a much more forgiving form of entertainment, and due to it’s unique nature we can see the fantasy matches we want and they can be just as good as they were in our head. Hogan was never the best technical wrestler (and neither was The Rock, for that matter), but when you book dream matches for him they look exactly like this.
This match goes back and forth pretty evenly for the first part, and Hogan pulls out some excellent heel moves. He really knows how to cheat in that old-school way that makes the internet lionize people like Kevin Owens and the like. Hogan worked like a bad guy even when he was America’s favorite hot dog in the 80’s so it is no surprise when he pokes eyes, rakes backs, and literally starts choking The Rock. Like Flair’s retirement match, this is essentially a greatest hits montage for Hogan. Rocky being the future actor that he is, bounces around like a cruiserweight.
It is so engaging to see, even if Hogan’s reluctance to leave his feet is stupendously obvious. They work the crowd like the two bosses that they are, and it still feels surreal that this match actually happened. Hogan vs. Michaels and Cena vs. The Rock tried to mimic this match, but they just could not follow in this match’s footsteps. Blame ego, blame age, but this is damn near as perfect of a big time wrestling match as you get. This is the wrestling equivalent of a Mark Twain book. It may not have the pop of modern day writing, but you can appreciate the wisdom and wit on display.
The end is wrestling 101. The referee gets knocked out and misses Hogan tapping out to the Sharpshooter from the People’s Champion. Hulk regains control with a low blow/stolen finisher combo because WrestleMania is one of the few times a year wrestlers resort to stealing finishing moves. Hogan whips The Rock, but Rocky channels his future self playing Black Adam and returns the favor while looking like a menacing bastard. He hits a Rock Bottom but Hogan gets his seizure of strength and we get the moment that lives on in a million YouTube ‘Mania countdowns.
In this moment it does not matter what Hogan has said and done in his personal life, because brother he is coming for Rocky! Rocky sells this like he is having an out of body experience. He has realized that he is the villain in all this, and he is standing across the ring from his childhood hero much like Roddy Piper, Andre The Giant, and Randy Savage have done before him and is staring down at his doom. I cannot say this enough, but the crowd is unreal.
When people talk about suspension of disbelief, this is what they are talking about. There are no crazy athletics or extreme violence to sell you on the fact that these guys are tough. In a vacuum this scene is slightly ridiculous. An actor is staring in fear of an old balding man as he grimaces and shakes his fists, but to wrestling fans, this is like watching The Power Rangers form their Megazord right in front of their eyes.
In the end, Hogan’s comeback is cut short, and the legendary Leg Drop of Doom cannot put The Rock away and The People’s Champ must chain together two Rock Bottoms and The People’s Elbow to put down the old lion. Despite Hogan’s monstrous face pop this was the right call, and we get a sign of respect from both men as the torch is officially passed. This is how it should be, as one man gives his endorsement of the other in front of a stadium of people and millions around the world.
Oftentimes in wrestling, backstage drama and politics get in the way so that these dream moments either don’t happen or are not of this quality. Hogan himself is guilty of doing this many times over his career, and Rocky would leave before he could put his stamp of approval on many of the superstars of the new millennium. I think the decline of wrestling after the Attitude Era can be linked to the lack of these critical transitional matches, as many of the Superstars of old were either unwilling (Triple H, Hogan) or unable (Stone Cold, The Rock) to give their blessing in the ring to a replacement, but for one night the right move is done properly.
Looking back at other singles matches I singled out for this list, most have a No-Disqualification stipulation around them. This may be the biggest non-gimmick match in WrestleMania history, and it certainly is my favorite. These two colossus are bigger than gimmicks, and they did not need the shortcut of weapons or bloodshed to tell the story that they wanted. All that mattered was the two men in the ring, and everything else was just icing on the cake. For delivering a real Icon vs. Icon moment rarely seen in any entertainment medium, Rock vs. Hogan is my number two WrestleMania moment.
For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!
Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.
The Moment: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs. The Rock, WrestleMania X-7
WrestleMania X-7 (or 17 to those who the words “attitude” and “extreme” do not apply to) is regarded as the best WrestleMania of all time, and for good reason. It features several classic battles and marks the distinct end of the Monday Night Wars and showcased the deep WWE roster during their most successful period. No other WrestleMania looks and feels like this one, including the ones that came immediately before and after it. This is the singularity in the center of the WWE Universe, and more than any other event is the reason the company is still going strong today. This is modern wrestling distilled into its most basic form, and at its nucleus is the main event between Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock.
Even though these two faced off two years earlier at WrestleMania 15, circumstances had changed so much in the wrestling world that their previous encounter felt like ancient history. It would be like if the WWE decided to put John Cena vs. The Rock on at WrestleMania 34 after Cena becomes the new Superman in the Justice League movie and it grosses $3 billion worldwide. Both men had reached absurd levels of mainstream success since ‘Mania 15, and I would rate The Rock and Stone Cold as numbers one and three respectively of wrestlers normal people are likely to recognize (two is Hulk Hogan and Cena is a distance fourth due to the memes). If both men stuck around I could have seen a scenario where these guys constantly headline every other WrestleMania until…well today and fans would still be into it all.
It’s unimaginable that WWE would have one super hot megastar on their roster, let alone two, so this is already catapulted into the top ten. It also doesn’t hurt that the crowd for this match is on fire, the story leading into it is on point, and both men happen to be damn good wrestlers. This moment is proof that WWE had the most success when they gave the wrestlers a chance to adapt to what the crowd wanted and let the most talented people on the roster shine on their own merits instead of trying to lead audiences by the nose (makes coughing noises).
We start off with one of, if not the best video packages WWE has ever produced (the fact that I say that with Limp Bizkit playing over it is mind boggling). Stone Cold won the Royal Rumble, The Rock beat Kurt Angle at the next PPV, and here we are. The only two things I would really change is jamming Debra (Stone Cold’s then real wife) into the picture, and Stone Cold’s look. I know it’s an iconic look, but the dude’s knee braces/shorts combo makes him look like an old man with garters on. Every staredown, every line of their sitdown interview we see, every physical blow between the two is pure gold, and it all revolves around the WWE Championship, as it should be.
Howard Finkel is here to announce this is a No-Disqualification match, and WWE should have him announce the main event of every WrestleMania since he named the damn thing. Stone Cold comes out to the best song Disturbed every recorded (again, licensed music makes wrestlers seem so much more legit) and a massive pop. Rocky gets a mild pop and his classic movie sounds like call holding music to me. Commentator Paul Heyman reminds us that Stone Cold is a man of integrity which is why Texas loves its native son (not because of the swearing, beer drinking, and ass kicking). Speaking of ass kicking, things immediately break down as the two trade blows. This is how to start a WrestleMania main event, and if Brock Lesnar and Goldberg just stand there after all that has happened between them (as I assume they will headline) I will be pissed. We get brawling around the floor and flurries of punches and kicks with the occasional big move through in. Heyman and JR sell everything so well, and I do not think there has ever been a better commentary team despite their brief tenure together.
Rocky ends up bleeding due to a shot to the head via ring bell and then flops on a table that breaks under his weight. One of the funniest accidental moments in WrestleMania history, and The Rock almost got away with it not being on camera. These guys are such master craftsmen that simple things such as mounted punches makes the crowd go crazy. This is why WWE needs to let their product breathe a bit more. Many “big time” matches these days usually consist of one person hitting a move as the other stands there with a “OMG I can’t believe they hit that move!” look on their face (for an example of this, see Sting vs. Triple H from WrestleMania 31). Here both men work a normal pace, but they exaggerate every move so that it feels like a move that is championship caliber. Just look at the way The Rock flies through the air when taking a simple hip toss and the way Austin flops around when hitting the exposed turnbuckle. When people mention how selling is important to wrestling, this is an essential match that shows why. The only other people I can think of that goes to such lengths to make their opponent look like a million dollars these days is AJ Styles and Sami Zayn.
Steve Austin, perhaps to show Rocky how a real Texas SOB blades, soon has his entire head turn red under the crimson mask. Both men get a turn to grimace under sharpshooters and look like maniacs as they scream and writhe in pain. There are no finishing moves done in the first few minutes, so once we actually get one it actually means something – and in a twist it’s Rocky hitting the Stunner on Austin! It’s one of my favorite moments of the match that for some reason never really gets mentioned.
Fresh off getting beat up by his son and formerly comatose wife (did that come up during Linda McMahon’s congressional confirmation hearing?), Vinny Mac is here to creep on the match. The crowd has gone from booing The Rock to cheering his People’s Elbow, but Vince breaks it all up. Heyman has been hinting that Stone Cold may be up to something dastardly all night, and this is clue number two to what’s going to happen next. Vince hits Rocky with a chair while Austin holds him up. Honestly, I think they could have done the turn better. For example, have the turn come at the very end with a sudden Austin heel turn rather than having him cheat (in a No-DQ match by the way) and selling out to his boss and mortal enemy. The Rock sells a stunner as only he can (acting 101 ladies and germs), but when it does not get the three count Austin just goes berzerk and beats him with a chair until he wins. What should be the biggest betrayal in wrestling history falls slightly flat when the crowd still cheers.
This is like watching Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, and Judas Priest touring in 1978 with Motörhead as the opening act. This is undefeated 1972 Dolphins vs. undefeated 2007 Patriots in the Super Bowl. This is a blockbuster movie with Humphrey Bogart, Clint Eastwood, Denzel Washington, and Meryl Streep as the main cast. Nothing else comes close to wrestling fans as the holy grail of an event, and this match solidified the evening as one of the greatest. From here we transitioned to The Invasion and the gradual decline in wrestling’s importance, but the match between Stone Cold and The Rock will be the lasting image of the sport for decades to come. The Rock’s career has soared since leaving WWE full time, and Austin has enjoyed plenty of his own success after retiring two years after this (in poetic justice, his last match would also be against The People’s Champion at WrestleMania XIX). Neither man truly passed the baton to a successor who could match them, but their gift to modern WWE wrestlers is a standard that they should all strive for. With the talent WWE has in their wheelhouse I can see a revival eventually happening, and when it does happen I see this match being the one people pointing to as the bar. It replaced Steamboat/Savage at WrestleMania 3 as the showcase match example, and for good reason. For ending an era the right way and giving causal fans, smart fans, and wrestlers themselves a masterpiece on ‘Mania main events this match is my number three pick for WrestleMania moments.
For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!
What did Chris and “Spaceman” Frank think of ‘Mania 32 and the aftermath on Raw? Find out in the second and final part of this leviathan podcast as they are joined by Nicholas Jason Lopez of ProWrestlingOpinion.com.
Spring is here and the WWE is gearing up for their biggest event of the year, WrestleMania.
While ‘Mania 32 has had many setbacks, from injuries to….more injuries, the McMahons are soldiering on with who they have available. Despite many fans and critics ready to write the Pay-Per-View off, over 84,000 tickets have been sold for the event at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, TX. This means that the WWE universe will at least make WrestleMania 32 a big financial win for the company and a memorable spectacle to behold regardless as to whether the event itself is a hit or miss. Here is Spaceman Frank’s ‘Mania 32 predictions.
Kalisto (C) vs. Ryback (United States Championship match)
It’s funny how without John Cena the U.S. championship has gone from respected belt to jerking the curtain on the pre-show. Kalisto is a great wrestler and fine champion who deserves a properly built match at ‘Mania. Instead he gets a newly turned heel in Ryback and nonexistent booking heading into the event. This could have been a promising feud, with Ryback really hammering home his “I hate small people” gimmick by taking out Kalisto’s tag partner Sin Cara and El Torito so the masked luchador has a personal stake in beating Ryback. At the end of the day, it’s better than nothing. Kalisto wins to pop the crowd early.
The Total Divas (Brie Bella, Paige, Natalya, Alicia Fox and Eva Marie) vs. B.A.D. & Blonde (Lana, Summer Rae,Naomi, Emma and Tamina)
It’s the cast of Total Divas versus the female wrestlers not good enough to have a title match. With three good wrestlers out of ten (four if you merge Naomi and Alicia Fox into one person), this will not be a five star classic. Throw in Lana having her first match ever and the always controversial Eva Marie making the card and this could be a Botchamania highlight reel. Hopefully things will be kept short and fast paced so the women have a chance to put on a good match. Total Divas win because they have a show and the others don’t.
The Usos vs The Dudley Boyz
Last Summer the Dudley Boyz came back to the WWE and proceed to do fuck-all for several months. Last Fall the Usos also came back from injury and proceed to do fuck-all for several months as well (TIME FOR A ‘MANIA FEUD BROTHER!). Having the Dudleys turn heel and renounce using tables is a good idea, but this feud means very little with nothing at stake. This contest should have been for a title shot or at least a tables match to give fans something to look forward to. At least the match itself should be fun to watch. The Dudleys win because they are the veteran team and The Usos can take the loss and still be cheered by the kids who miss Cena.
Kevin Owens (C) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Sin Cara vs. The Miz vs. Stardust (Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match)
Why the WWE decided this match needed to be a seven man ladder match and not the U.S. Championship match I have no idea. The WWE have an obvious money feud with Owens vs. Zayn, but apparently last year’s ladder match warranted a repeat. It also speaks volumes about the current roster depth that Zack Ryder and Sin Cara are rounding out the participants of this match. That being said, this could be a show stealer as there is loads of talent in the match who will be willing to put their bodies on the line for the belt. Owens has been a great heel and deserves to keep his title, so I see him taking advantage of his main rival Sami Zayn having wrestled Shinsuke Nakamura at NXT Takeover: Dallas two days earlier to win the match and retain his championship.
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
On paper this match is nothing special. However, the rumors for the last few spots in the match make the third annual battle royal intriguing. The Wyatts are not booked for WrestleMania, leaving many to expect Bray or Braun Strowman to win the match and comically oversized trophy. However, none other than Cesaro has been spotted in Dallas without an arm sling, leading many to assume he will be making an appearance after several months on the shelf with a shoulder injury. Bray, Braun and Cesaro are all potential winners as long as they actually get in the match, but if not i’m going with Heath Slater since the Social Outcasts were among the first participants announced and the surprise alone would spark a great reaction.
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho
It would be much more important if this was not the fourth match between the two grapplers.
Jericho is best as a heel and Styles is a perfect foil for him, but the two should have been kept apart more before ‘Mania. Considering that pretty much every Styles match with a popular WWE wrestler has dream match potential it would be better if the former “Mr. TNA” had a big name rival to take on instead of WWE’s most frequent part timer. This feud has not been bad, but at this point I expect Styles to win and move on asap.
The New Day vs. The League of Nations (3 on 4 handicap match)
Another curious booking decision by the WWE is to have the tag team championship not defended at WrestleMania. Even weirder is the fact that I feel like The New Day have beaten every member of the League repeatedly for the past few months. The New Day are one of the best things going in the WWE, but they need some real rivals stat or they could quickly fade into the background. This will be remembered more for whatever entrance and promo The New Day has beforehand than what happens in the ring, and there is no reason to believe the tag champs lose here.
Charlotte (C) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch (Triple Threat match for WWE Divas Championship)
This feud has quietly been one of the better put together matches heading into WrestleMania. Charlotte has been great as the heel champ, Becky is the scorned friend and challenger with a score to settle and Sasha is the wildcard who can swing either way if push comes to shove. Throw in Ric Flair, Snoop Dogg and a potential return to the Women’s Championship the following night on Raw and this easily could top the men’s matches on the card. While Charlotte has been a worthy champ, Banks will beat Becky to win the belt, setting up Charlotte vs. Banks for a later date.
Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell match: If Shane wins he controls Raw and Undertaker cannot compete at ‘Mania again if he loses)
Shane O’Mac coming back was great…until he started talking…and trying to throw punches…and they threw in too many stipulations into the match. Shane coming back should be great, but in 2016 there’s no reason he should be facing The Undertaker in one of his final matches. Blaming injuries is too easy, the WWE should’ve had someone available for one of their most legendary performers then the boss’ 46-year-old son. The WWE has been desperately trying to show Shane as a threat to Taker but I’d believe my dog is the queen of Neptune before I’d believe “The Money” beats The Phenom. Taker wins, everyone cheers and Shane probably bleeds a bunch.
Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose (Street Fight)
The street fight to end all street fights. Ambrose may have found a perfect opponent in Lesnar as he can go all out against The Beast while getting thrown around like a ragdoll. I can see the two going at it in the crowd as tens of thousands of people swarm the two men. Having WWE legends Terry Funk and Mick Foley giving Ambrose pep talks and lethal weapons (that couldn’t possibly be used in the match) is a nice touch. The only downside is that Ambrose is most likely taking the loss here, even though he’s been overdue for a big win for some time. This match will be physical and most likely the best worked match of all the big main events at ‘Mania and I see Lesnar taking home the victory after suplexing everything and everyone in sight.
Triple H (C) vs. Roman Reigns (WWE World Heavyweight Championship match)
The WWE has backed themselves into a corner here.
With crowds refusing to cheer Reigns and slyly behind Triple H, this could end very, very poorly for WWE. While the crowd at last year’s ‘Mania were treated to a surprise Money in the Bank cash in, this appears to be Reign’s time to take home the gold. Reigns has done himself no favors in interviews, with condescending remarks towards adult fans who boo him. It’s no wonder that Triple H has the crowd behind him considering shite comments like that. The hottest mess in what is a hot mess of a card, Reigns wins the belt after the crowd loses their voices from booing so the WWE has an easier time piping in cheers on replays of the event.
It’s the one year podcast anniversary for Bonesaw and we couldn’t be more excited. Chris and Frank are once again joined by Nick Lopez of Prowrestlingopinion.com to mull over the 2016 WWE Royal Rumble and the puzzling aftermath on Raw. Enjoy countless thrills, spills, chills and of course, Manopera!
Chris and Frank make their bold predictions for the 2016 Royal Rumble winner and possible WrestleMania storylines that could (and should) follow as well as discussing their top five favorite (and least favorite) Rumble matches of all time.
For the first episode of 2016, Chris and Jon sound off on thrashers Municipal Waste’s Donald Trump themed T-shirt, UFC 197, Kevin Smith directing an upcoming episode of “The Flash,” the New York Lottery Powerball and much more – all while watching WWE Unforgiven 2001.
Tonight from WWE Headquarters in Stamford, CT; Booker T and Michael Cole agreed last night’s Royal Rumble was a night to remember.
While the above statement is true, the annual event in question will be remembered – but for the wrong reasons.
Wrestlemania season is supposed to start with a bang. New stars receive fresh starts with memorable moments and old ones get to bask in their nostalgic glory if only for a moment.
Instead for the second year in a row, the WWE Universe was not happy with their order both figuratively and literally.
While the Royal Rumble match itself did have its moments (such as Buh Buh Ray Dudley and Diamond Dallas Page making returns that popped the crowd), the contest was booked very predictably with very little direction other than to highlight its winner Roman Reigns.
The contest started out well with surprise appearances, some nice feud teasing and immense potential. The Wyatts brawled with each other, Bray dominated the match and DDP dropped the Diamond Cutter like a man on fire. Daniel Bryan, the obvious fan favorite made his way to the ring at number 10 and immediately started hanging and banging with the best of them.
For about 10 minutes before he was unceremoniously eliminated.
That took the air out of the building faster than the New England Patriots.
Shortly after Reigns entered and the rest of the match was booed worse than last year.
WWE pulled all the stops to reverse the fans polarity, even having The Rock do a run-in to aid his real-life cousin Reigns, but even that was rejected.
For the love of God the fans were chanting for Rusev, a man whose character is a Russian sympathizer on American programming.
The saving grace of Royal Rumble was the Triple Threat World Heavyweight Championship between Seth Rollins, John Cena, and Brock Lesnar – who defended his championship in one of the best matches of each combatants careers.
Rollins’ ability is incredible as he demonstrated why he is the future, utilizing the psychology and dimensions of the match to his advantage.
Lesnar also played the odd man out to a “t,” double teaming his opponents and watching his back while laying waste to them at opportune times.
Cena also hit every aspect of the hero, but not in the force-fed way he usually is portrayed. This time around, it was believable and told a great story. Hats off to the three of them with hopes of this angle continuing in the near future.
The New Day vs. Cesaro and Tyson Kidd with Adam Rose was a decent warm up with a lot of very high spots. The finish was exciting as Cesaro and Kidd got the surprise win with great old-school heel tactics. Please give these men a shot at the titles.
Speaking of titles, The Usos worked another exciting match against The Miz and Mizdow for the Tag Team Championships. A lot of fun, but we’ve seen this already. The Usos need a new team to feud with.
Speaking of new teams, The Ascension defeated the New Age Outlaws in a quick match that unfortunately did nothing for either team. While it’s always nice to see The Outlaws, The Ascension were treated like toys on the previous Raw when the Outlaws and a slew of non-active wrestlers manhandled them in addition to their horrendous debut last month and childish promos. Hopefully these guys can be salvaged.
Speaking of things that can be salvaged (this is the last time, scout’s honor), The Divas tag match was much better than expected. The Bellas looked strong, but Paige and Natalya didn’t look like pushovers either. Paige was mostly left out of the match minus some quick action and a non-PG cover on Brie Bella, but this could be the seed for Paige vs. Nikki Bella for the Divas Championship.
Despite a major hiccup in the Rumble itself, the 2015 Royal Rumble event was OK; but just OK and that is a problem.
While we did have a few good matches, fun moments, and a show-stopping Championship bout, we got a lackluster main event that flopped on all cylinders. The issue with the Rumble was not who won, but how he won. When Big Show and Kane began literally dumping key players like Ziggler, Ambrose and Wyatt over the top rope without said key players even trying to fight back, there was no drama, and therefore no reason to continue watching. No drama equals no entertainment, and when your audience is not entertained, they don’t care about the product.
The Bonesaw 