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DNC Unable to Watch ‘Mania, Blames Russia

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The DNC was rather upset Sunday evening, but not for the reasons you may think.

The entire committee gathered at the Clinton estate to watch WrestleMania 33, but things went awry after the one hour WWE Kickoff special on the USA Network aired.

“Due to large amounts of delays, we were unable to watch WrestleMania,” said Hillary Clinton, an avid John Cena fan. “We believe the Russians hacked into our Xbox One console, sabotaging The Ultimate Thrill Ride for the Democratic Party.”

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin could not be reached for comment, but sources say he was very upset Rusev was unable to compete due to his shoulder injury and hopes he receives a proper main event push upon return.

“This is preposterous,” said Senator Bernie Sanders, who had no issues watching the event on his 80-inch Smart TV from his Vermont home. “Everyone knows the WWE Network lags on the Xbox One, plus when you account for the amount of new subscribers and people watching this event, it’s very clear that Russia has nothing to do with this.”

Over in the White House, the Trump Administration thoroughly enjoyed The Show of Shows on their Playstation 4. However, Vice-President Mike Pence was reportedly unable to watch any matches involving women as his wife Karen was out running errands all day.

“Mother and I love Bayley,” said the Vice-President.

It was also reported that President Trump and his wife Melania were having marital issues over the main event as Melania is a huge fan of Roman Reigns – a Superstar her husband despises.

“He’s hot and has muscles,” said the First Lady before calming down her son Baron, who was upset his favorite Superstar Baron Corbin did not win the Intercontinental Championship from Dean Ambrose.

President Trump could not be reached for comment, but we were told by Secret Service Agents that he thought “very bigly” of this year’s event and popped huge for the returning Hardy’s.

Then. Now. Hoax.

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania Moments: #6 – Hail to the Chief

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by Frank Lucci

Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.

The Moment: The Battle of the Billionaires, WrestleMania XXIII  

This moment may be controversial due to the current real life situations surrounding it, but it is still one of the more interesting ones in the company’s history.

Although there are plenty of ‘Mania moments that involve much more talented wrestlers and personalities along with moments that add more to the world of wrestling, this moment is on my top 10 list because there is nothing in wrestling period that can compare to something like this. That is the Battle of the Billionaires featuring the current President of the United States and WWE Hall of Famer Donald J. Trump.

Now Trump is an incredibly polarizing figure, and his very mention may incite plenty of negativity, but this is a column about WrestleMania moments and not a political forum.  That said, it is now impossible to see the match between Umaga and Bobby Lashley and not find it surreal. What we have is one of the most powerful men on the planet shaving Vince McMahon’s (not exactly an insignificant businessman today as well as back in 2007) head. This is the President of the United States of America, and he is part of one of the marquee matches on the biggest wrestling event of the year. No other President has ever been involved in a sport or form of entertainment to this degree, with the possible exception of Teddy Roosevelt getting involved with football’s early outlaw history.

The match itself is pretty average, and just taken as Lashley vs. Umaga this feels like a main event of Raw instead of the third to last match at a WrestleMania, but Vinny Mac and D-Trump are having a bit of an issue, and these monstrous men are fighting for their honor like the billionaires are their maidens fair. In hindsight, it is slightly uncomfortable that these two old rich white men have two minorities fighting each other for their amusement, especially with Trump’s checkered history when it comes to race relations. What is at stake is not a title, or even simple bragging rights for that matter. The outcome of this wager is that whoever’s champion takes the pin must shave their head, and it is no surprise that Vince took the impromptu haircut here. To add to the proceedings, Stone Cold Steve Austin is here to collect a paycheck as a special guest referee in a role he goes back to every few years.

Nothing too special in the ring stands out, as Trump overshadows every single big move during the match. In 2017 every glance by the camera at the future President causes me to study the screen. I feel like I’m dreaming when I see the man with the nuclear codes throw possibly the worst punch in wrestling history. Then Stone Cold Steve Austin earns a spot on the no-fly list by giving the Stunner to a man with a fleet of Secret Service agents current protecting him and his family. All these moments are amazing in retrospect, and it is hard to compare something like the Undertaker’s WrestleMania win streak ending to something like this. What if Ronald Reagan actually played football instead of being in a movie about it? What if Grover Cleveland was on the New York Yankees before entering politics? I cannot wrap my head around any of that, but I have video evidence of the leader of the free world hanging out by a wrestling ring and being part of a Hair vs. Hair match.

Donald Trump will leave behind a complicated legacy when he passes, but for one night in Detroit he was the good guy fighting against the elitist billionaire. Much in the alleged fashion of his electoral campaign, he was standing up for the common man, using his resources to stand up against someone who usually is unchallenged in power. Trump gets the people behind him and promises to humiliate the people who have been in charge and unchecked for decades. In the end (via his champion Lashley) he managed to get a victory that he assured us he would get, despite his own hiccups performing on the big stage. We see his opponents humiliated and he eventually goes on to become the onscreen owner of the WWE. We should have seen his run at the Presidency coming, and seeing his ascent from WrestleMania 23 to kayfabe owner of the company and Hall of Famer mimics his rise in politics in such a way that is completely bonkers watching it now. For involving the President in a WrestleMania main event and giving WWE something they can brag about for the rest of the company’s history, the Battle of the Billionaires rolls in at number six on my list of WrestleMania moments.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

 

Random

IWD Strike a Political Tool for Leftist Organizers?

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Woman’s March on Washington D.C.

by Connor J. Frontera

Today is International Women’s Day, but instead of celebrating the achievements of women in America and around the world, many will use it to express themselves another way, participating in protest against the “injustices” that women face every day in the workplace, at home, and in society known as the “A Day Without a Woman” strike.

The marches set for today, similar to the marches against President Trump on January 21st, will be made up of not only people protesting the rights denied to women, but also rights denied to the members of the LBGTQ community, people with disabilities, and immigrants, a direct retaliation to the executive order signed by President Trump on Monday.

Although the march has a clear-cut mission, it lacks a strong base to the movement. Planned Parenthood, the top sponsor for the march, rigorously fights for women’s rights every day, but people who support this fail to realize that Planned Parenthood is also responsible for more than 300,000 abortions every year, according to liveaction.org. Considering many of these unborn children were potentially female, fighting for women’s rights suddenly becomes problematic when it’s realized that the top sponsor denies a fundamental right guaranteed by the Constitution: life.

Moreover, including members of groups that do not share that mission (groups fighting The Dakota Access Pipeline for example) clearly shows that the movement is not actually about women’s rights, but rather used as encouragement for other progressive agendas such as immigration and environmental policies. The Natural Resources Defense Council, the only platinum sponsor of the movement, just behind Planned Parenthood, is an organization aimed at fighting climate change, which has absolutely nothing to do with women’s rights.

Even the debated relevant topics being protested for by this movement are problematic. The common workplace discrimination arguments, brought up consistently by women’s rights organizations, too, lack a strong base on multiple fronts.

On the equal pay front, which lacks decisive evidence in general, paying women the same as men disintegrates the meaning of capitalism, a system that once made this country arguably the strongest in the world. Paying the same wage to people occupying the same job throws a wrench in the wheel of competition, lowering the standards of an employer who might see something past the actual resume of a candidate. In addition, it creates a ceiling on bargaining power for positions, which might actually force employers to pay someone who is more equipped for the job less money, including women. While there is still no real evidence that supports the claim that women are paid less, the true meaning of the movement becomes shaky.

In defense of these ideologies, women are taking the day off from work, unpaid labor, and shopping. In circumstances where striking is not possible, they will wear red in solidarity.

Fighting for women’s rights once sent a powerful message to lawmakers and society, but that message has now become diluted as recent events have seen the cause embody a new meaning closely tied with leftist politics. It is no longer about the rights of women, but rather a vehicle to break down the current Trump administration, and force an equal, socialist-leaning agenda on society. Real women should not march, take the day off from work, or simply do (or not do) things to divide on this day, but rather celebrate the accomplishments that so many great women such as Sally Ride and Nellie Bly have made throughout history, aiming to further accomplish great things for the world.

Random

CPAC 2017 Arms Young Conservatives With Intellectual Ammo

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President Trump takes time to bask in the moment mid-speech.

by Connor J. Frontera

The Conservative Political Action Conference, held In the Gaylord National Resort, National Harbor, Md. last week, attracted more than 10,000 conservatives (many of them college students) to share and gather knowledge about conservative values and contemplate the future of the United States of America. Speakers were invited from all over the globe, including Senator Ted Cruz, Judge Jeanine Pirro, and the even the President himself, Donald J. Trump.

The convention began last Wednesday and ran until the following Saturday afternoon. Each day, Speakers presented special seminars, talks, and panels to pass on their knowledge and experience to young and passionate conservatives to arm them with the proper arguments against their liberal opposition. These seminars included topics regarding very simple Constitutional rights, such as the meaning of the second and fourth amendments, as well as some very controversial topics which included sanctuary cities, illegal immigration, and radical Islamic terrorism.

President Trump, arrived Saturday morning via Marine One to address the convention. In the Gaylord National Resort ballroom, over five thousand patiently awaited his arrival, some students waking up at as early as 3 o’clock in the morning to get a front row seat. This was the first Presidential appearance at this convention since Ronald Reagan in the 1980’s.

In his speech, President Trump addressed all of the current issues that are facing the country today. He criticized the mainstream media for its “fake news,” exclaiming that the people of this great nation are no longer going to let the media report false stories. The President also addressed ISIS, stating that he will make sure they are “eradicated,” and that he will help build our military so strong that it will be completely unstoppable. In addition to these topics, the President covered immigration and the wall, helping businesses by cutting taxes, and that he indeed loves Campbell’s soup.

Minutes after his speech, a crowd joined outside to watch him head back to the White House on Marine One to get back to work and help deliver on the promises he has made as President.

 The overall convention was a success and most of its attendees went away happy and gracious from what they had learned. It supplied them with the intellectual ammunition for battle against their liberal opposition in future debates, cases, and biased college campus policies.

Graphic Novels, Movies, Music, Podcast

F*ck Mondays! Episode 8: Politics, Comics & the Almighty Powerball

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For the first episode of 2016, Chris and Jon sound off on thrashers Municipal Waste’s Donald Trump themed T-shirt, UFC 197, Kevin Smith directing an upcoming episode of “The Flash,” the New York Lottery Powerball and much more – all while watching WWE Unforgiven 2001.