After a brief post-Summerslam pause the WWE is going all out in with a barrage of PPV’s in the next couple months. We have the upcoming Hell in a Cell, but nobody cares about that gimmicky PPV, especially the WWE. Instead the company has looked completely past this PPV to a pair of HISTORY MAKING EVENTS in October. We have the traditional but set in a massive cricket stadium in Australia Super Show-Down and the all women Evolution PPV soon after. And then of course we have the often overlooked big four PPV Survivor Series to feel mediocre about in November. Hell in a Cell is just the tip of the iceberg, and it feels very much like the company just does not care about this. Probably because this event won’t make them as much money as tens of thousands of Aussies or generate tons of headlines. At least we can look forward to the slow heat death of the universe and Braun Stroman’s push. I’m Spaceman Frank and this is my Hell in a Cell 2018 predictions!

 

The New Day (C) vs Aiden English and Rusev (WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match)

 

The New Day have gained the tag titles from The Bludgeon Brothers after Erick Rowan did what he usually does in high pressure situations: get injured for several months. This has left MY BOY Luke adrift to randomly show up at NXT shows in Buffalo to put on barnburners in Ricochet and The New Day with the belts for the fifth time. Now Rusev and his young ward Aiden have won the right to face the modern day legends in their first defense. It seemed as though Rusev and English we destined to fight, but they seem to have pulled a Bayley and Sasha and made up unexpectedly. Maybe it will happen at Hell in a Cell, but I doubt it. The New Day will be front and center for the SUper Show-Down, so they will retain as Rusev continues his streak of losing big matches.

 

Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre (C) vs Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match)

 

Speaking of sudden tag belt switches we have gone from The Deleter of Worlds to The B Team to now…um…Dolphintyre? Sure let’s go with that. They face a pair of old foes in the good 66 percent of The Shield, who at least are not being roped into making Roman look credible for at least one night. Dolph is getting somewhat a decent push with his Scottish man servant, and I am not sure it is time for them to drop the belts even to a pair of workhorses like Dean and Seth. Plus eventually Dean does need to turn evil at some point to justify getting swole and cutting off all his hair. Zigggles and Scots keep the belts.

 

Jeff Hardy vs Randy Orton (Hell in a Cell Match)

 

Why is this in a Hell in a Cell cage? Cause 40 something Jeff Hardy is looking for some workman’s comp that’s why. The only logical explanation I have for this stip is that Jeff is will to throw himself off the cage (cause lord knows Randy is gonna do that stuff. He hates dives after all), so here comes WWE’s resident non-Mcmahon stuntman. Lord knows I can’t be bothered to care about this match if WWE won’t and I’ll be cooking dinner during this. Randy wins because he is allegedly a super star and we need those for a Super Show-Down.

 

Ronda Rousey (C) vs Alexa Bliss (WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match)

 

While these two’s first match was pretty swell, it did not exactly leave me wanting more. Ronda killed Alexa dead at Summerslam, and that beating was very one sided. Bliss thinks she has a chance against the former UFC champion because…reasons? Look I am all for the WWE showing the multi-time champ Bliss as a credible threat, but considering she was treated like a gnat by Ronda makes me think we will get more of the ame this go around. Ronda wins and moves on to break Nikki Bella’s neck at Evolution.

 

Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella vs The Miz and Maryse

 

After some shenanigans at Summerslam the ladies are getting involved in this feud. And it makes sense given that Maryse played a big part in getting her man a win over his hated rival. Props for Maryse and Brie returning to the ring soon after giving birth to their respective daughters, but really I hope they avoid getting in the ring as much as possible. Brie was a mixed bag at best in the ring, and her repeated failures at pulling off a suicide dive are worrying. Meanwhile was Maryse ever a good wrestler? I honestly do not know. It would make sense that Bryan would get some measure of revenge against his foe, but considering there is plenty of opportunities for further rematches this is far from over. I predict Brie pins Maryse to set up a rematch of their own at Evolution while their men have a Dad-off in Aussie Land.

 

Charlotte Flair (C) vs Becky Lynch (WWE Smackdown Women’s Championship)

 

Let’s be real: everyone was super stoked seeing Becky quit acting like a doofus and attacking Charlotte after she stole away her victory at Summerslam. And yeah they tried to initially lean into the heel turn, but now they have actually made it pretty easy to chose what dynamic you want to feel towards this conflict. Becky is justifiably pissed at her former friend, and Charlotte has not exactly come off as a sympathetic good guy. After all, she is now only behind Trish Stratus in terms of championship reigns and and def has put on shades of a spoiled jock. Personally I like both women, but I think we have had good guy Charlotte for too long. Time for her to be a baddie and Becky to be like SEE I TOLD YA SHE WAS A MEANIE! Charlotte has had plenty of short title reigns lately, and I think maybe having her lose immediately, so I think maybe she will cheat to win to further muddy the waters between the two women.

 

AJ Styles (C) vs Samoa Joe (WWE Championship Match)

 

I am guessing this is not a Hell in a Cell match because then Joe would have trouble creeping on Wendy Styles. While these two have very little to work with to further this feud, they have managed to turn chicken poop into something more edible. Not quite chicken salad, but like lukewarm Mcnuggets with no sauce. Still the first match between the two was pretty freaking awesome, but since that ended in a DQ having a plain jane rematch between the two is a pretty vanilla option. Hell, we already know a rematch is going to happen, so it is hard to truly care about this match. Still should be fun though. I can see Joe winning and getting a well deserved title reign before dropping it back to AJ soon afterwards, but I have burned way to many times by fantasies of Joe being WWE champion to believe it will actually happen. AJ retains probably by DQ again.

 

Roman Reigns (C) vs Braun Strowman (Hell in a Cell match for the WWE Universal Championship w/ Mick Foley as Special Guest Referee)

 

I was entirely apathetic towards this match once Braun used his Money in the Bank Briefcase to get it. It’s obvious that they did this to make it so they could get rid of all those pesky Braun fans clamoring for him to be the man instead of The Big Dog. Now they are cutting their nose off to spite their face, and turning Braun back into a cartoon ogre rather than the badass giant is just plain dumb. It’s the same thing they did to Nia Jax when she faced Ronda Rousey. It’s very transparent who WWE thinks are the real stars on the roster, and everyone else is there to prop them up. Roman for all his flaws needs to have an actual run with the belt instead of ust losing the belt immediately, so he will win and Braun will huff and puff and flip over a house.