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Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Money in the Bank 2016 Predictions

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Official Money in the Bank 2016 poster. Credit: WWE.com

by Frank Lucci

Oh Money in the Bank. Considered to be on the level or just below the Big Four Pay-Per-Views (Royal Rumble, WrestleMania, SummerSlam and Survivor Series), oftentimes the event is one big tease.

We get excited over who gets the Money in the Bank contract and will most likely get a run with the WWE World Heavyweight title, but considering how recent winners have fared when they’ve actually cashed in (Sheamus, Rollins, etc.) it’s been either a blessing or a curse depending on the Superstar. With a whopping ten matches scheduled for this year’s event, this could be a down year for the PPV. Nonetheless, Spaceman Frank is here to predict what will happen at Money in the Bank 2016.

MITB Kickoff: The Lucha Dragons vs. The Dudley Boyz

A recent edition to the pre-show will feature the Dudleys again being wasted on another meaningless and directionless feud with a team that frankly should have broken up once Kalisto won the United States Championship. Neither team has done much and with a sudden influx of tag teams (none of whom seem to be doing anything significant other than The New Day and Enzo and Cass) there is no reason to care about this match. Can we get a continued singles run for Kalisto please? The Dudley Boyz will pick up the win because they are the veteran team and are due for a victory.

The Golden Truth vs. Breezango

For whatever reason this feud is still a thing. While I’m all for lower card guys getting storylines to work with, this has been stretching out two weeks of plot devices in what has felt like three years. Fandango should replace the recently released Adam Rose in the Social Outcasts and Tyler Breeze might as well join The New Day since he is a regular on Xavier Woods’ UpUpDownDown YouTube channel. Meanwhile, The Golden Truth has some potential as a veteran tag team with oddball personalities, but they can’t even get into the Fatal Four Way for the tag belts because of this atrocious angle. Breezango wins because somebody has to win and it might as well be the super handsome guys.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin

On the plus side these guys have managed to get off the pre-show. On the negative side these guys are still stuck feuding. Either man could have spiced up the Money in the Bank ladder match, but instead we have to see the same match we’ve been watching since WrestleMania ended. Ziggler wins to finally end this and make him look strong in time for the brand split.

Apollo Crews vs. Sheamus

Yet another match featuring wrestlers thrown together with minimal story (at least this is a fresh pairing) because both men need something to do until the brand split. Crews has been getting the Breeze treatment since joining the main roster and Sheamus has done nothing even though he has a major role in the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Rocksteady-err Sheamus wins because of said movie while Crews continues to just be happy he was invited to the party.

Charlotte and Dana Brooke vs. Natalya and Becky Lynch

Instead of having Charlotte defend her Womens Championship, she’s dealing with her new BFF Dana Brooke being a klutz of a partner while Nattie and Becky are just kind of there. Despite having a wide range of competitors to challenge for the title, this match exists as an extension of the never ending Charlotte vs. Nattie feud.

The WWE is currently very, very guilty of beating dead-horse storylines (see Ziggler and Corbin), maybe because the upcoming brand split but also probably due to laziness. Anyway, the Spaceman thinks Charlotte and Brooke pick up the win because Nattie can never have nice things.

The New Day (C) vs. The Club vs. Enzo and Cass vs. The Vaudevillians (Tag Team Championships Match)

This match should be pretty exciting based on the promos alone and each team can deliver in the ring. It would be nice if The New Day won out and carried the belts for a full year, but I don’t see that happening. Instead, The Club will walk away with the gold. For one, they’re the only tag team in the match without a fun side, making them a wildcard in this match. Second, with The New Day now as faces and the two recent NXT callups still finding their footing The Club is prime for a championship win. They need the titles to help make their group more legit and the epic New Day vs. Enzo and Cass feud that will eventually happen can take place without the championships being on the line.

Rusev (C) vs. Titus O’Neil (United States Championship Match)

An epic hoss fight, these two are capable of having a fun match that will probably be around seven minutes long. Many feared that O’Neil would be punished after his suspension, while others feared Rusev would be buried by a returning John Cena after his newfound title win.

Thankfully neither scenario seems to be the case. Rusev will keep the gold here, as I see this as a way for the WWE to test the waters on a Titus title run to see if he can take his awesome hot-tag fire and ignite a singles push. 

Then again, MITB takes place on Father’s Day. Would it not be a wonderful swerve if the WWE gave the 2015 Celebrity Dad of the Year award winner his first singles title instead of another tie?

Sami Zayn vs. Cesaro vs. Chris Jericho vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens vs. Alberto Del Rio (Money in the Bank Ladder Match)

The marquee matchup of this event has been hampered somewhat by the fact that one: we’ve seen all the competitors (especially Zayn, Owens and Cesaro) have matches against each other on every single Raw and SmackDown! in the past few weeks and two: it seems unrealistic that anybody besides Ambrose or Owens will win the match.

Ambrose has flirted with the main event scene since The Shield broke up and winning the briefcase could help him finally ascend to the next level. Owens fits the bill of the classic sneaky heel Money in the Bank winner who can cash in on a wounded babyface. Overall, Ambrose fits the bill best and needs the briefcase more than anyone else.

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

The WWE is fast-tracking this dream match, which I honestly thought would be a big-money SummerSlam encounter rather than a B PPV headliner. The battle between the two faces of two very different companies finally happens and people have been quick to assume that Cena will be the victor.

Both men have managed to sell this matchup solely on mic work and even more important we have not seen Cena job out The Club on Raw or SmackDown! (as he is known to do), thus preserving their status as game changers. Since this is the first encounter between the two icons, I see Styles taking this match for the OMG IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED pop (just like Owens’ clean win over the Cenation leader last year), leading to a bitter grudge match at SummerSlam.

Roman Reigns (C) vs Seth Rollins (WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match)
This match is heavily overshadowed by rumors that the top championship in the company will become two world titles due to the brand split. This is especially poignant considering that Rollins has been pretty justified in his rage towards Reigns, who he sees as an unworthy champion considering he never beat Rollins (who was forced to relinquish his title upon injury last year).

With the WWE continuously in a bind with Reigns as champ, having shenanigans occur during this match offers the company the chance to have their cake and eat it too. Some sort of DQ/non-finish will occur, giving WWE an excuse to split the titles and allow them to have Reigns be one champ while Rollins can hold the gold for the smark crowd on the secondary brand.

Pro Wrestling

Re-Booking WrestleMania 32 With Injured Superstars

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by Frank Lucci

Injuries have been the biggest story of WWE this past year, with the company suffering so many setbacks they might have inducted the Godfather into the Hall of Fame in hopes he turns back into Papa Shango and reverses whatever curse the company has over them.

It’s no doubt that with the exception of last-minute star power from yesteryear, WrestleMania 32 lost some luster. Considering the state of the active roster, many fans wonder what the biggest show of the year would have looked like with the WWE at full strength.

Spaceman Frank is here to do one better and fantasy book ‘Mania 32 with only injured WWE and NXT wrestlers.

Here are the rules:

  1. Only wrestlers who are confirmed or rumored to be injured at the time of this writing (March 31, 2016) will be included in the card with two exceptions: The Undertaker (because it would not be WrestleMania without him) and Titus O’Neil (because he is suspended through WrestleMania for bullshit reasons).
  2. No Daniel Bryan because his injury forced him into retirement, however Sting is still eligible due to the fact that he had refused to say he is calling it a career at the time of this writing.
  3. Champions will be the same as WrestleMania 31 (because they are all on the inactive list) with the obvious exception of Daniel Bryan as Intercontinental Champion. To recap: that means Seth Rollins is WWE World Heavyweight Champion, John Cena is United States Champion, Cesaro and Tyson Kidd are Tag Team Champions, and Nikki Bella is Divas Champion.

Kickoff Pre-show Match: Hideo Itami vs. Neville

After his showing at the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal at WrestleMania 31, Itami jumps to the main roster and finds a niche among NXT fans and those who appreciate his hard-hitting style. Neville follows suit after a series of vignettes (instead of just one roughly 45 minutes before his debut).

The two smaller yet talented superstars manage to avoid a clash for some time, until the two begin a friendly rivalry after a confrontation during the Royal Rumble. They warm up the crowd with their fast-paced styles until Neville hits the Red Arrow to pick up the victory. Itami then attacks Neville and begins an epic post-Mania rivalry.

Titus O’Neil vs. Randy Orton

Orton bounces around in his generic babyface role until he snaps and becomes his slightly less generic heel role. Meanwhile, “Big Deal” Titus O’Neil has gradually won over the WWE Universe due to being an all around nice guy, legit athlete, 2015 Celebrity Dad of the Year and having a fiery comeback that rivals Hulk Hogan (I may be a big Titus fan).

O’neil finally gets a big singles push against The Viper when he eliminates him from the Royal Rumble. This causes Orton to snap, injuring O’neil’s tag team partner Darren Young and several attempts to make Titus look like a terrible family man.

With his status as Celebrity Dad of the Year hanging in the balance, O’neil brings it to Orton until the voices in Orton’s head tell him to DQ himself by hitting the mega-dad with a steel chair; setting up a hardcore rematch between the two at Payback and finally the first-ever “Celebrity Dad of the Year Award on a Pole” match at Extreme Rules.

Cesaro and Tyson Kidd (C) vs. Alberto Del Rio and William Regal (Tag Team Championship Match)

The “Brass Ring Club” (as dubbed by fans of Kidd and Cesaro) are the highly talented tag team with a bone to pick with The Authority. Cesaro is still resentful over Vince Mcmahon’s harsh assessment of him on Stone Cold’s podcast while Kidd is angry he had to claw his way back to the main roster from NXT.

They wage war with WWE management until Triple H brings in some ringers to stop the duo. Those ringers turn out to be Del Rio (who may or may not be hurt, but since he is not working live shows I’m including him here) and NXT commissioner William Regal (who recently had neck surgery and for storyline purposes comes back for one last shot at glory). The League of Nations cannot beat the Swiss-Canadian connection, who eventually convince the League to join them as the much more diplomatically efficient United Nations.

Nikki Bella (C) vs. Dana Brooke (Divas Championship Match)

Nikki Bella, the longest reigning Divas champ of all time runs through the roster searching for a worthy adversary. Eventually one of her rivals, Emma, brings in her protege’ Dana Brooke to try and take on Nikki.

Brooke claims to be a younger, fitter and most importantly prettier Diva, but falls victim to twin magic at Fastlane. Brooke demands a rematch between the two with a special stipulation: to avoid the Bellas potentially cheating again, the two Total Divas meet inside a steel cage. To further the drama and cross pollination with the Total Divas reality show, Rosa Mendes (who is out with maternity leave) is the special guest referee.

Brooke uses her strength to throw Nikki around, but Brie climbs the cage to dive on Dana. This being Brie, she accidentally takes down Mendes and Nikki instead. Brooke sprints out the cage door to win the belt, giving Nikki an excuse for a rematch (due to Brooke winning the title via the lamest way possible).

John Cena (C) vs. Luke Harper (United States Championship match)

Cena dominates everyone during his reign as US champ because America.

After weeks of seeing every up and coming Superstar lose the US Open Challenge, fans are ready for something new. Harper steps up to the plate with Bray Wyatt giving his blessing for his disciple to take on his former rival.

The two have an epic match, with Harper showing why Cena himself calls him the most underutilized wrestler on the roster. While Harper doesn’t walk away with gold, he does turn face through a hearty American-sized handshake from Cena. This leads to a feud with Wyatt for Harper and more open challenges for Cena.

Bray Wyatt (C) vs. Sting (Intercontinental Championship Match)

Wyatt wins the Intercontinental Championship at Elimination Chamber after Daniel Bryan is forced to give it up in a match rather than the depressing way things happened in real life. Bray uses the Wyatt Family to help him keep the title as he cuts promos promising to hold the belt indefinitely to deprive the WWE Universe of one of it’s most sacred prizes.

The vicious gang attacks draw the ire of Sting, who goes old-school on the family by descending from the rafters to beat them down with a baseball bat. This leads to weeks of spooky guy videos from the two with no actual encounters between Sting and Wyatt.hisAt WrestleMania Bray and Sting fight for the gold and also to avoid being known as the guy who always loses his feuds. Sting looks to have everything locked up, but Wyatt reverses a Stinger Splash into a Ura-Nage slam and gets the win. Sting decides to hang up with boots as an active competitor and instead becomes Commissioner of the WWE to continue to fight injustice.

Seth Rollins (C) vs. The Undertaker (WWE World Heavyweight Championship match – if The Undertaker loses he must retire)

Rollins is the slimy champ you can’t help but respect in the ring.

With The Authority backing him he beats each and every challenger one way or another. He feels invincible until Undertaker wins the Royal Rumble. Rollins’ usual tricks to injure his opponents fail due to Taker’s veteran instincts (and, you know, magic). However, at Fastlane Rollins wins a match that lets him choose the stipulation for his WrestleMania dance with the Deadman. He decides that the main event of WrestleMania will be Title vs. Career, with ‘Taker being forced to retire if he loses.

In front of tens of thousands of fellow Texans Undertaker pushes Rollins to his crossfit limits, but Rollins wins in the end with a ridiculous Pedigree/Curbstomp combo. WrestleMania ends with the massive crowd cheering Taker and the roster lining the entrance ramp to show their respect to the Deadman. The last shot is Vince Mcmahon  holding up Undertaker’s arm as pyro goes off behind them.

 

Pro Wrestling

WWE 24 – WrestleMania: Silicon Valley

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by Frank Lucci

WWE 24 is a great concept for original programming on the WWE Network, but so far only a few episodes have been produced. Immediately following the Royal Rumble however, the WWE released a new episode following several superstars in the immediate lead up to WrestleMania 31.

How does it stack up to previous entries that chronicled WrestleMania 30 and NXT Takeover: Brooklyn? Spaceman Frank has the answers.

Authors note: Don’ t know why they subtitled this Silicon Valley. Is Santa Clara copyrighted? Why not just call it WWE 24: WrestleMania 31?

Sting is first, and as he arrives at his hotel there are dozens of fans waiting for him. Good guy Sting signs autographs and takes photos. Sting runs into Ricky Steamboat and they share some dad humor. Sting looks like a CEO of a tech conglomerate that always shows up to the office late because his morning workout went long.

We then see various WWE personnel doing press for a wide variety of outlets until we settle on Roman Reigns. Reigns talks about how he feels it is fate to headline WrestleMania in his favorite football teams (49’ers) stadium. One of the many production members Jason Robinson talks about the several week setup for the WrestleMania set. This is a huge production which is cool to see. In addition, we see how having a WrestleMania in the daylight affected the design of the stage.

Cue the Axxess montage. Several wrestlers are interviewed, but the highlight is Zack Ryder confronting a fan for buying Seth Rollins merch instead of his. The Ultimate Warrior statue is unveiled as we see the late legend’s ex-wife and daughters tear up.

Don’t blink because here comes the Hall of Fame montage. Although nothing too exciting initially as it is all footage from the ceremony with small bits of candid backstage talk. The highlight again being Ultimate Warrior’s and Connor the Crusher’s family being honored with a hard shift in emotion from the previous fun and excitement vibe from before.

We get to the big day and (shocker) everyone is nervous, particularly Seth Rollins (working his first singles match at ‘Mania) and Paige (wrestling in front of her mom). Cool guy Reigns drops an F bomb before we cut to the crew trying to get everything together hours before the event. My biggest question is how they got the tank for Rusev into the stadium, where the biggest disappointment of the show is that it ignores this completely. Good guy Sting continues to be super grateful to be there and Paige refers to Kid Ink and Travis Barker as “superstars” (right….).

Paige tries to knock out an interview only for Scott Hall, X-Pac, Kevin Nash (wearing a gold helmet of all things) and Shawn Michaels to drive into the shot on a golf cart.

Can we get a show featuring these guys just causing shenanigans?

We spend a long time seeing how the Triple H/Terminator entrance came together. This tidbit is fairly cool, but I thought his entrance was just OK when I saw it live (It ain’t no tank!).  Several NXT guys are interviewed being super stoked that they get to wear masks and stand in the middle of the fog during the entrance.

Showtime! Paige continues to be nervous as we see the participants of the opening ladder match warming up (I guess pre-show match people didn’t warrant being shown). Luke Harper is briefly seen before they actually go into the match (Another missed opportunity: seeing how Stardust’s ridiculous outfit and bedazzled ladder came into being). We then get more focus on Paige being nervous, so much so you forget that three other women are in her match.

Next are some quick highlights of Rollins vs. Orton before we see Sting preparing for his WWE debut. Easily the highlight of the show, Sting is getting pumped for his match while trying to come to grips with the scale of it all. Vince McMahon gives him a hug and some words of encouragement as good guy Sting is just happy for the opportunity to be there. This is great stuff and really makes you fall in love with Sting as a person and not just a character. It’s also nice to see Stephanie McMahon yell “Get ’em, Sting” as the NXT guys cheer him on before his entrance to get him psyched ( The poor guy probably needed that based on his blank expression as the ‘Mania crowd is easily his biggest audience in a long time if not ever).  Triple H enters and the match goes well. Wrestlers watch backstage looking like excited kids, especially John Cena with a big grin on his face (cue Hulk Hogan alert!).

Montage of random moments from the show are then dragged down by having to hear the lackluster live performance of the WrestleMania 31 theme song. We skip over  Cena and Rusev’s US Championship match (why all the tank hate, guys?) and The Rock’s segment to get to Paige’s match. Paige is so nervous that she has to be told by the cameraman to keep moving down the ramp (dawwwww). Afterward the match she has a touching moment with her mom as A Day to Remember guitarist and boyfriend Kevin Skaff just stands there awkwardly.

Undertaker is here.

This is followed by some quick footage of him backstage with Brock Lesnar exchanging words of advice. It’s funny to see ‘Taker being human before he gets in the zone. Footage of his match with Wyatt plays as Rollins talks about how Reigns is “like, such a cool dude” (really sick of WWE getting Reign’s much more talented friends to try and convince us of how great he is).

Reigns is awkwardly trying to get pumped up for his entrance in front of a bunch of fans as Lesnar looks like he is ready to murder someone. More montage of in-ring action where the best part is seeing Reign’s laugh followed by a fan yelling “Stop laughing Roman, it’s not funny.” Rollins cashes in his Money in the Bank briefcase and we get a cool shot of him sprinting out from backstage. Rollins wins and he is understandably blown away. Cue the montage of people hugging Rollins even though he looks pretty gross (how much do wrestlers spend on dry cleaning?) followed by the ending montage and we are out.

Overall, this is a decent way to kill 40 minutes. Sting steals the show as the dude is just so humble and comes off really well. While not as good as the Takeover: Brooklyn show, WrestleMania 31: Silicon Valley still shows some pretty candid moments behind the scenes. There are a little too many montages of footage we’ve seen before but this is the WWE and we know how much they like recapping things.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 9: Chris & Frank Predict the 2016 Royal Rumble Winner

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Chris and Frank make their bold predictions for the 2016 Royal Rumble winner and possible WrestleMania storylines that could (and should) follow as well as discussing their top five favorite (and least favorite) Rumble matches of all time.

 

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Manopera! Episode 8: WWE 2015 Review & The People vs. Roman Reigns

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Chris and “Spaceman” Frank review WWE in 2015 and tackle the topic of whether or not the Roman Reigns experiment will pan out or if the WWE is just simply trying too hard to make him a John Cena clone.

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Spaceman Frank’s Survivor Series 2015 Predictions

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By Frank Lucci

Survivor Series was once one of only four Pay-Per-View events the WWE (then WWF) put on per year. With the unique elimination tag team setup, Survivor Series became a must-see Thanksgiving event.

However, with Money in the Bank supplanting Survivor Series in importance the event has struggled to live up to it’s own reputation.

With last year’s Team Cena vs Team Authority main event (and the debut of Sting) helping breathe life into the PPV, this year’s edition of Survivor Series seeks to up the ante with a celebration of The Undertaker’s 25 year career and the crowning of a WWE World Heavyweight Champion after Seth Rollins’ knee had enough of wrestling Kane and promptly  self-destructed.

But with WWE’s uneven booking, even these high-profile events have felt fairly lackluster and the mid and lower card matches faring even worse. With that in mind, here are Spaceman Frank’s Survivor Series 2015 predictions.

Traditional Survivor Series 5 on 5 Tag Team Elimination Match (Who the Fuck Knows vs. Are We Supposed to Even Care?)

The WWE has announced a traditional Survivor Series match for this event but has given zero clues as to who will be involved, thus making this a clear time waster for a PPV.

If I had to wager a guess I would say this will be a face versus heel match that means fuck all but will be entertaining with the right talent involved.

My dream scenario is The New Day (who appear to be not defending their Tag Team Titles on the show) teaming with Sheamus (again, who has nothing going on despite being Mr. Money in the Bank) and King Barrett taking on Cesaro, Neville, The Dudley Boyz and Ryback. Regardless of who are on these teams, considering how little build this match has gotten expect the faces to win.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Tyler Breeze (with Summer Rae)

A natural pair of rivals, this match will hopefully serve as an impressive PPV debut for Breeze, who could use a win after losing to Ambrose in the Deadly Games 2: Electric Boogaloo tournament. Hopefully WWE writers have learned from NXT that an aggressive Breeze is the best Breeze and have Prince Pretty take it to Dolph and pick up the win. With Summer Rae having feuded with Ziggler in the past (and seeing his junk) it makes sense for her to help get Breeze a win that kick starts a feud that goes smoother than Ziggler vs Rusev did.

Charlotte (c) vs. Paige (Divas Championship Match)

First off, this match has been overshadowed by the controversial segment that finished the go-home edition of Raw where Reid Flair’s untimely death was brought up. While I personally have nothing against bringing a wrestler’s personal life into a storyline if they and their family is fine with it, this does not look like the case here. Both Ric Flair and Reid’s mother have said they were not aware Reid’s death would be put into the story, which is a major oversight of Charlotte and the WWE’s part.

It should also be noted however that Charlotte has been very vocal in different interviews and WWE programming that it was Reid that convinced her to try pro wrestling and considers her career a tribute to her late brother; so perhaps it should be less shocking to fans that he was mentioned on Raw. Jim Ross pointed out on his website this has lead to people talking about Reid Flair and not Charlotte versus Paige.

As for the actual match between the two, I see Paige upsetting the champ and winning the belt. Although Charlotte has been wrestling very well since coming to the main roster, she seems to be uncomfortable with the title and spotlight on her and may need to spend more time as challenger than champion.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament

Roman Reigns vs. Alberto Del Rio w/ Zeb Colter (Semifinal)

Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose (Semifinal)

Rather than predict the two semifinal matches separately I’ve decided to lump them together because the outcomes seem fairly obvious.

Long story short: Reigns looks destined to be champ and Del Rio already has the Gob Bluth “I’ve made a huge mistake” look in his eyes. Reigns wins and hopefully nukes Mexamerica out of existence.

As for Owens vs. Ambrose (which should be match of the night), as tempting as it is to say Owens gets the sneaky win for a heel vs. face final; it’s extremely unlikely. Owens already has the Intercontinental Championship and can serve as the de facto top heel of the company – but only if there is no heel turn to end the night. Which brings us to…

Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose (Tournament Final for Deadly Game 2: Electric Boogaloo)

It seems clear from the moment the WWE revealed the bracket for the tournament this match would be destined for the final.

Hell, if not for Kalisto’s upset win over Ryback most would still have a perfect bracket.

That being said, who walks out champ is a much murkier outcome.

Will Vince insist that Reigns, tall, dark and handsome as he is, walks out as a babyface champ? Will the WWE realize that nobody is going to pick Reigns over Ambrose (considering Reigns was literally handed the belt by Triple H before the tournament started while Ambrose has served as Reign’s second banana since the summer and makes for a much more interesting underdog babyface story)? Will Ambrose turn heel? Will Reigns turn heel? Will Paul Heyman show up regardless of winner and declare that Brock Lesnar will challenge for the title? Will John Cena burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man to remind everyone that you can’t be the man until you beat the man? Will Big Show ruin everything like he always does? Will Triple H just say “Fuck it” and declare himself champ? Will the WWE go back to the well and have a legend show up to save the day? Is that legend Rick Steiner?? BY GAWD MAGGLE WHO KNOWS!!!

…But seriously it is probably going to be Reigns and we will have to accept that.

The Brothers of Destruction (The Undertaker and Kane) vs. Two Members of The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman)

What could have been all of the Wyatt Family taking on two legendary figures and two guys who get instant credibility by standing with them somehow got turned into a normal tag match.

This is better how?

With ‘Taker and Kane’s combined 98 years of age having to take on Wyatt and the big-ass strongman this figures to be a “methodical” (i.e. slow) match. The crowd will be into it because The Undertaker is actually wrestling on two PPV’s in a row, but what was a easy layup for WWE creative has been fucked up by a combination of lazy writing and the fact that FOR FUCK’S SAKE IT’S SURVIVOR SERIES PEOPLE EXPECT A TEAM ELIMINATION MATCH.

Hopefully the Wyatt’s win because we have yet to see Strowman do much besides stand around and Bray simply can’t keep getting pinned by every babyface on the roster. Plus if Taker (and also Kane) are truly retiring soon, then they owe it to the WWE to actually put over somebody who works for the company full time.  If they can’t be bothered to find two worthy wrestlers to team with, then they can lay down for two wrestlers who can use their rub.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 5: Harry Potter Does Not Suck & The Return of the Deadly Game Tournament

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Chris and Frank discuss the WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament, missed booking opportunities for The Undertaker and Bray Wyatt, Rhonda Rousey vs. Holly Holm and speculate WrestleMania 32.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 4: Hell in a Cell 2015 Supershow

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Chris Butera and “Spaceman” Frank Lucci return for another round of Manopera to discuss Hell in a Cell and Survivor Series possibilities. Also discussed are NXT Takeover and Chikara Pro Wrestling. Chris and Frank cut promos on pet goldfish and Burger King’s Black Bun Halloween Whopper.

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Spaceman Frank’s WWE Hell in a Cell 2015 Predictions

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By Frank Lucci

Hell in a Cell 2015 promises to be one of the more memorable pay per views of the year, but for all the wrong reasons.

What should have been a stacked card that has been built up expertly over several weeks  has turned into a plate of hot garbage. The WWE has managed to waste appearances by Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels and Stone Cold Steve Austin (side note: HOW THE HELL DO YOU BOTCH STONE COLD’S RETURN?) and filled the top matches with aging superstars instead of the hot young talent who WWE can’t even be bothered to come up with feuds for despite having around seven hours of weekly programming to fill.

Despite all this, there are a few matches with potential on the card that should give fans something to cheer for. Here are the predictions for Hell in a Cell 2015.

Preshow Match: Dolph Ziggler, Cesaro and Neville vs. Rusev, Sheamus and King Barrett.

This match was originally supposed to Randy Orton and Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper and Braun Strowman, but apparently Orton has hurt his shoulder (again) and Harper was removed from the card because of a family situation (wish him the best). Harper lives in the same suburb of Rochester as me, so this slight is unforgivable. Anyway, this match features six men who have nothing going for them unless you count being Mr. Money in the Bank, a former world champ or being european as something.

Given time this could be a great match, but it will most likely be a ten minute snorefest as JBL yells about Mountain Dew and Premier League Futbol. The face team will pull out the victory because Rusev needs to be punished for having his fiance’ be excited they are getting married instead of keeping that shit on lockdown and Barrett and Sheamus aren’t allowed to have nice things in general.

Kevin Owens (C) vs. Ryback (Intercontinental Championship Match)

Vince McMahon most likely booked this match during his play time where he smashed the two superstars action figures together like a five year old before realizing he could make this happen in real-life.

WWE had a chance to develop this feud after Owens won the title by cheating but instead they just had these two bounce around aimlessly. With no added stipulations to raise the stakes, expect Owens to cheat again to win to show how despicable he is in a lackluster hoss fight.

John Cena (C) vs. TBD (US Championship Open Challenge)

I can see Cena’s match breaking down in three ways:

1. Newly called up wrestler Tyler Breeze answers the challenge and sneakily wins the championship from Cena to give Breeze some much needed rub considering his NXT run ended with him losing over and over again at Takeover specials. Perhaps Breeze could hit Cena with the “Beauty Shot” or the “Unprettier” and injure Cena’s nose again to get the victory. On Raw the hurting Cena could be taken out by Lesnar or some other force so he can take his time off and have  feuds ready to go.

2. The New Day shows up and use their numbers game to take down Cena and give Xavier Woods a championship (as he is on the sideline for their title defenses 90% of the time.) Then The New Day could get some real heel heat by dismantling Cena and knocking him out of action so they get more boos from the WWE target audience of children. Then when Cena comes back he can heroically overcome the odds yet again (despite almost never losing a single match) because BIG MATCH JOHN MAGGLE.

3. Dolph Ziggler challenges and beats Cena for the championship using some less than heroic tactics. Ziggler goes full heel the next night which leads to Cena being taken out for his vacation. This ties into the “Total Divas” storyline and allows Ziggler to take on some fresh opponents. No matter what, I expect Cena to lose (if you couldn’t tell).

The New Day (C) vs. The Dudley Boyz (WWE Tag Team Championship)

The WWE had several chances to put the titles on the Dudley Boyz. The forgettable Madison Square Garden show, for example.  But instead had The New Day repeatedly disqualify themselves to keep the titles. This is good heel tactics, but at least point switching the championships would be fairly anticlimactic.

With the Dudley Boyz once again getting a rematch with no added stipulations, The New Day will likely win, Xavier Woods will get destroyed afterwards, and the tag team division will keep spinning it’s wheels.

Charlotte (C) vs. Nikki Bella (Divas Championship Match)

With the Divas Revolution quickly losing steam, Charlotte (and by extension, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks) need to do something to capture the magic that the NXT women’s division has. Feuds with Team Bella is not the solution. Charlotte wins, Nikki films an episode of “Total Divas” about how sad she is about it, and the WWE gives Sasha Banks (who clearly is the fan’s choice for favorite new Diva) a shot (and maybe gives Becky Lynch something to do besides hang out with Ric Flair at ringside to cheer her bestie on).

Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt (Hell in a Cell Match)

This feud started out promising, but overall the Reigns vs. Wyatt program has shown how far behind Reigns is compared to Wyatt and his BFF Ambrose. BUT HE’S TALL AND TAN BY GAWD so now we’re stuck with him.

Wyatt has attempted to keep people engaged with this feud by delivering his signature promos, but after three months of his “anyone but you” schtick it is time for this to end.

By the way, nice of Wyatt to summarize the internet’s feelings about Reigns and help us feud with him by proxy. Reigns did his best to get us emotionally invested in him with his infamous “I’m doing this for, like, my family and stuff” promo, which only went to show how much better Wyatt is as a talker and how much more natural charisma Ambrose has. At the go home Raw, the WWE then tried to get people hyped by bringing out Ric Flair. Instead, Flair puttered around the ring and said Reign’s name to try and get the crowd to pop.

I guess it was better than Flair bursting into tears every time Charlotte wrestles.

With rumors of Reigns winning the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania circling again, Wyatt will lose this match as he always does, then find another guy we hope he will defeat and gain momentum, but ultimately end up jobbing to.

Seth Rollins (C) vs. Kane (World Heavyweight Championship Match)

Does anyone else feel like this will be the bathroom break match between Hell in a Cell matches? The Corporate Kane/Demon Kane thing is kinda funny, kinda meta, but does not belong anywhere near the championship picture. Have this be a random offshoot of an Authority storyline, but not something involving Rollins, who goes from wrestling AARP Sting to wrestling a 48 year-old guy who is an honest to God grandfather.

Can we get this guy a challenger who works full time on the roster and is under the age of 40?

Another side note to this feud: way to bring out Shawn Michaels to bury the champ and eat some kids pizza (which probably cost $8).

Rollins vs HBK would be a bonkers match but it will never happen and Michaels did not seem to care much about selling people on Rollins or his match.

Another legend wasted.

Please let this be a swan song for Kane, who deserves to bow out in a decent match for all he has done for the WWE over the years. While he should not be gunning for the championship, he should have a nice moment to close his career out and transition to becoming HR Representative Kane to counter The Authority’s thuggish tactics.

Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell Match)

WHO’S READY FOR SOME TORTURE PORN???

Seriously though, I fear for the Undertaker in this match. The guy had a massive concussion (which by the way, never stopped him from competing while Daniel Bryan continues to sit out) after WrestleMania 30, then collapsed after his match with Lesnar at Summerslam.

Clearly the guy cannot hang with Lesnar anymore and should not be doing this. Any enjoyment to be had will be mixed with the feeling that Undertaker can be legit hurt at any moment (I know the point of Hell in a Cell matches is to be dangerous and violent, but at some point you need to step in and say enough is enough).

Brock wins, Undertaker has his big retirement hoopla in Dallas at WrestleMania 32 and rides off into the sunset. Personally, I’d like to see ‘Taker vs Bo Dallas in a easy squash at ‘Mania so the crowd can watch the legend take a bow and not worry about whether he can walk on his own power after the match.

#DallasinDallas people make it happen!

Pro Wrestling

Manopera – Episode 3: Night of Champions (and Part Timers)

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manopera

Mr. Bonesaw and Spaceman Frank go over WWE Night of Champions.

Topics include, Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker’s upcoming Hell in a Cell match, Charlotte’s Divas Championship victory, the Tag Team division, Sting’s injury, and their thoughts on Seth Rollins next opponent – Kane. Frank gives his account of WWE’s Rochester live event.