Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania Moments: #10 – The Last Dinosaur

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by Frank Lucci

Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.

The Moment: Hulk Hogan Slams Andre the Giant, WrestleMania III

The Book of Exodus in WWE’s lore, WrestleMania III is an event that will forever be shrouded in mythmaking. Although 78,000 is closer to the actual number of Pontiac Silverdome attendees, WWE claims that 93,000 people got together to worship WWE and more specifically, Hulkamania. Sure, there were other matches (Macho Man/Steamboat) and a slew of celebrities to “ooh” and “ahh” at (Alice Cooper), but the main draw was the bout which set the template for “big match” events: The irresistible force that was Hulk Hogan meeting the immovable object that was Andre the Giant for the WWE (then WWF) Championship.

Finally, after mucking about tag teaming with Mr. T and facing the human pillow King Kong Bundy, we got the first true WrestleMania main event. The night ended with Hogan valiantly slamming the giant and retaining his belt as the lowly giant was carted away with his evil manager Bobby Heenan.

Only that’s not the way I see it. When I watch this match, I see a man crowing over his fallen prey. I see a petulant warrior bragging about shooting the last white rhino. I see the fall of the last dinosaur.

It’s impossible to watch this match from a modern context and not think of all the events that have happened since. Hulk Hogan’s reputation has been irrefutably damaged long before his well publicized sex tape was released. His status as somebody who politicized to keep his spot long after he was worthy is well known, and from that standpoint, it is impossible to not see many of his big moments from 1990 on as the actions of a spoiled child. A leathery, balding child, but a child nonetheless.

Then you have Andre the Giant. Perhaps one of the most legendary figures of modern America. I honestly believe that in 100 years, Andre will be talked about in the same way as Paul Bunyan. Hell, Hogan is one of the first people to make him into a mythological figure. Hogan couldn’t decide what Andre was, as he guessed at his height with a margin of error between 1-12 inches, his weight within several hundred pounds, and the time of his death within several years. Andre the Giant stories are legendary, and the massive man just seemed to collect tale tales as he went along. He could drink more than 100 beers in one sitting. He stole a horse carriage with Dusty Rhodes in Central Park and passed out in a hallway where hotel attendants had to drape him in a piano cover. He’d drink crates of wine and force people to watch The Princess Bride with him. He could flip a car from when he was a teenager in France catching rides with Samuel Beckett. Because he lived in a time without the Internet, we will simply never know how much of Andre’s life was actually true, which may be the key ingredient as to why he is so special. These myths and his untimely death in 1993 ensured that Andre would never see the fall from grace Hogan and many others in the professional wrestling business have suffered.

Which brings us back to WrestleMania III. Watching in a modern bubble, we get a video package explaining this match. We find out Andre is justifiably mad that his buddy Hogan gets all the accolades for being champ for three years while he gets a passing mention that he has been undefeated for 15 years. There are many ridiculous things about this. Jesse Ventura’s Buckwheat shirt, Rowdy Roddy Piper’s portrait standing in the background, Hogan refusal to face his friend due to the honest to God fear the man has of Andre. That fear suddenly receding once Hogan gave perhaps the hammiest “Yes” in television history.

None of that matters once the two square off. Admittedly, Hogan looks pretty damn heroic as one of the few men to walk to the ring at WrestleMania III as opposed to taking the cart. Meanwhile, Andre gets pelted with boos and garbage despite the fact that he had to undergo back surgery to even attempt this match. Ventura speaks for all modern fans wondering why Andre never received a title shot in 15 years while Gorilla Monsoon meekly counters with “Well, he never asked.” Although a plausible statement (would you tell him “No?”), Ventura responds brilliantly with “Does thunder boom or does it ask for permission first, Monsoon?”

At this point, when the match starts, is precisely when this becomes one of many favorite WrestleMania moments. The reason it’s not higher on this list is, quite frankly, the in-ring action is awful by today’s standards. It is a zero. That said, taking in all the outside factors, it is hard to not feel something during this match. Not for the hero Hulk Hogan, but the visibly in pain Andre. It only takes a few minutes before the Giant makes his camp by the ring posts and ropes so he can lean on them to support his planetary weight. Andre barely moves during the match, and when he steps around the ring it is with small ones. The only impressive thing I can say is that, despite knowing Andre is nowhere near 100-percent, he tosses Hogan around like he was nothing. No doubt the stories of him losing his cool and flipping cars are possible, but this is not the story of the aging veteran getting his chance to shine at The Show of Shows, this is the story of the overblown doofus slamming a massive human being and keeping his belt as the last dinosaur rides away in shame as a fresh wave of garbage hits him.

From here, Hogan would continue to reach amazing heights in professional wrestling while Andre’s health continued to deteriorate. While Hogan’s real-life antics eventually came to light and damaged his reputation beyond repair, Andre has since become canonized as the patron saint of wrestling. No one can, or ever will match how much Andre has done for the business in terms of being a pillar to make people believe that this is something worthy of speculation and adulation.

One final Andre myth sticks with me when I watch this match. Late in life, Andre bought a ranch with many animals on it. When asked by longtime friend and former WWE referee Tim White about it, Andre said he liked being around animals. You see, they were the only things that did not stare at him like a freak or a monster. That was the lasting legacy of one of the kindest, most mythical legends the WWE leaves behind in their cannon, while an orange bozo gets all the glory.

God bless you Andre the Giant. Although this is one of the biggest WrestleMania moments of all time, I just wish that after 15 years, you wound up squashing Hogan and got your chance to shine in that massive stadium.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

 

 

Music, Podcast

HarpHouse: Episode 10 – My Beginnings, Harmonica Happenings Magazine, and More

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by Connor J. Frontera

This episode answers a question that has been floating around on Harp-L and takes a look at some of the Winter 2017 Harmonica Happenings articles.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

SSEP- Episode 9: NFL Free Agency Frenzy/ This Week in WWE inlcuding WWE Fastlane Review

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by Jonathan Schorr

Jon and Matt discuss the crazy beginning to the NFL Free agency and review this week in WWE including the Review of arguably the worst WWE Pay-Per-View in awhile, Fastlane.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 36: WWE Fastlane 2017 Review

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Chris and Spaceman Frank review WWE Fastlane 2017 and its aftermath on Raw, speculate on the Hardy’s returning to WWE, and more. Spaceman Frank cuts a promo on the infamous “Cash me outside” girl, Danielle Bregoli.

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Random

IWD Strike a Political Tool for Leftist Organizers?

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Woman’s March on Washington D.C.

by Connor J. Frontera

Today is International Women’s Day, but instead of celebrating the achievements of women in America and around the world, many will use it to express themselves another way, participating in protest against the “injustices” that women face every day in the workplace, at home, and in society known as the “A Day Without a Woman” strike.

The marches set for today, similar to the marches against President Trump on January 21st, will be made up of not only people protesting the rights denied to women, but also rights denied to the members of the LBGTQ community, people with disabilities, and immigrants, a direct retaliation to the executive order signed by President Trump on Monday.

Although the march has a clear-cut mission, it lacks a strong base to the movement. Planned Parenthood, the top sponsor for the march, rigorously fights for women’s rights every day, but people who support this fail to realize that Planned Parenthood is also responsible for more than 300,000 abortions every year, according to liveaction.org. Considering many of these unborn children were potentially female, fighting for women’s rights suddenly becomes problematic when it’s realized that the top sponsor denies a fundamental right guaranteed by the Constitution: life.

Moreover, including members of groups that do not share that mission (groups fighting The Dakota Access Pipeline for example) clearly shows that the movement is not actually about women’s rights, but rather used as encouragement for other progressive agendas such as immigration and environmental policies. The Natural Resources Defense Council, the only platinum sponsor of the movement, just behind Planned Parenthood, is an organization aimed at fighting climate change, which has absolutely nothing to do with women’s rights.

Even the debated relevant topics being protested for by this movement are problematic. The common workplace discrimination arguments, brought up consistently by women’s rights organizations, too, lack a strong base on multiple fronts.

On the equal pay front, which lacks decisive evidence in general, paying women the same as men disintegrates the meaning of capitalism, a system that once made this country arguably the strongest in the world. Paying the same wage to people occupying the same job throws a wrench in the wheel of competition, lowering the standards of an employer who might see something past the actual resume of a candidate. In addition, it creates a ceiling on bargaining power for positions, which might actually force employers to pay someone who is more equipped for the job less money, including women. While there is still no real evidence that supports the claim that women are paid less, the true meaning of the movement becomes shaky.

In defense of these ideologies, women are taking the day off from work, unpaid labor, and shopping. In circumstances where striking is not possible, they will wear red in solidarity.

Fighting for women’s rights once sent a powerful message to lawmakers and society, but that message has now become diluted as recent events have seen the cause embody a new meaning closely tied with leftist politics. It is no longer about the rights of women, but rather a vehicle to break down the current Trump administration, and force an equal, socialist-leaning agenda on society. Real women should not march, take the day off from work, or simply do (or not do) things to divide on this day, but rather celebrate the accomplishments that so many great women such as Sally Ride and Nellie Bly have made throughout history, aiming to further accomplish great things for the world.

Podcast

F*ck Mondays! Episode 34: LoganMania Runs Wild

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Chris and Jon review Logan in all its gory glory and chat about UFC 209. Jon recaps his trip to Seattle.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Gaming

Nintendo: To Switch, or Not to Switch?

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Nintendo’s latest creation, the Switch launched Friday in North America, Japan, and Europe to the thrill of many who were able to get their hands on it.

That said, there will always be skeptics hesitant to grab the new console right away as well as those who wish to wait for reasons such as a price drop, early bugs to be removed, and a larger game catalog. Although it never hurts to wait, it also doesn’t hurt to wait in line and head home happy.

For starters, the console is extremely lightweight once fully assembled in the tablet (aka Wii-U mode) portion. When docked, the console itself fits seamlessly into the charging station, which connects to your TV. You’ll want to keep your Switch in this setting most of the time as it functions better in this state. When used in its tablet form, the Switch can be a tad slower, but not enough to throw off your game.

The controllers also attach and detach easily and function well. The infrared camera in the right portion of the controller (also known as the red side) surprisingly reacts well to weight detection and motion sensing, which you’ll discover after having played the 1-2-Switch title. The controls also respond well to other games such as Shovel Knight: Treasure Trove and the included launch title The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. When the two are detached, there’s also buttons on the side, making for a variety of ways to play.The Switch also comes with a controller frame for you to combine the two controllers to form a Gamecube-like controller as opposed to holding them like the Wii-motes.

Another interesting dynamic is how the Switch games are reverting back to cartridges. You can download other titles in the Nintendo e-store, but the main games are tiny cartridges are slightly larger than those used on the Game Boy Advanced. There’s also a slot for micro SD cards to increase your system’s memory.

Overall, the system performs well. The sound system is on-point, games don’t take long to load, and the graphics, while not the caliber of rivals Sony and Microsoft consoles, play to their strengths and hide their weaknesses (which really comes down to not being able to handle the processors the others have). Games are easy to play and the system hub is easy to navigate however the controllers are used.

At the end of the day, Nintendo continues to favor innovation over hardware upgrades with the Switch. By combining old concepts with new, the gaming giant competes with the market by thinking outside the box and choosing a franchise title to launch with their latest endeavor. Although the fear of the new and unknown will still see some gamers unable to make the switch, those that do will reap their rewards instantly.

 

 

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s WWE Fastlane 2017 Predictions

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by Frank Lucci

It is Fastlane time in WWE land, which means we’ve got one last pitstop before WrestleMania.

Smackdown Live had the advantage of having Elimination Chamber two weeks after the Royal Rumble, allowing them to put on a nice bow on Rumble storylines while giving people a reason to watch the blue brand  build its ‘Mania storylines for two uninterrupted months.

Meanwhile, WWE has tried their darndest to get people to care about Fastlane in combination with hyping and setting up matches for the show of shows. With two title matches almost guaranteed to end a certain way and most of the rest of the card meaning very little, fans can at least look forward to incessant ‘Mania commercials and people pointing at the big WrestleMania sign at random times. I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my predictions for Fastlane 2017.

Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa vs. Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar (Kickoff)

We start the night (after about 30-40 minutes of useless banter) with four Cruiserweights trying their best to make some sort of impression on the Raw crowds. I think we’ll get some sort of crazy Cruiserweight scramble for the championship at ‘Mania (perhaps taking over the Intercontinental Championship Ladder match that has opened the show recently). Tozawa seems to be making some headway with live crowds, and Rich Swann and Brian Kendrick have history on their side. Sadly, Noam Dar has been adrift despite being crazy talented, possibly due to a lack of direction after being paired with Alicia Fox. The faces win because Tozawa’s Snap German Suplex is the best.

Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

A preshow match at the Rumble becomes a real match here, and Banks looks to take down the monster Jax with her fully recovered knee. I’m curious to see if Banks get a respectable amount of offense in, or if she continues to ragdoll around Jax to make her look dominant. In the end, however, I see Jax pulling out the win to make Banks go back to her Boss ways and betray Bayley because it’s about time she turns heel.

The Club (c) (Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson) vs. Big Cass and Enzo Amore (WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match)

The Club are finally champions, much too late for anyone to care and facing the perennial challengers who never win anything. Enzo and Cass may be the Buffalo Bills of the WWE, and that is coming from a Bills fan (I never expect either of them to get the championships, but I can dream right?). If WWE pulls the trigger with Enzo and Cass it will be at WrestleMania for the big feelgood moment of the card, but honestly I think WWE will hedge their bets and have the Raw and SmackDown tag champs face off on the preshow to get everyone a payday. The Club win and the crowd halfheartedly make a vaguely disappointed sound.

Bayley (c) vs. Charlotte (WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match)

This one is obvious. We have seen this storyline beaten into the ground, and despite Bayley having more pure babyface potential than Sasha Banks, that will not save her from the streak of Charlotte. If WWE was smart, they would have Charlotte keep the belt for a bit and stop having the title hot potato between people (if Charlotte wins she will have become a five time champion before the title’s one year anniversary) and make her Pay Per View streak more compelling. Then call up Asuka post-Mania and have a streak vs. streak (Asuka is currently threatening Goldberg’s WCW undefeated streak legitiamtely) match between the two at some point. Until then, Charlotte should just stop defending the belt on Mondays and just cut insane promos like her dad.

Neville (c) vs. Jack Gallagher (WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match)

This is one of the more intriguing championship matches that WWE has put on for the Cruiserweights since the finals of the CWC. Neville is the heel champion the division needs, easily blowing Kendrick out of the water in that regard. Meanwhile, Gallagher is one of the few true breakout stars the division has had, getting reactions Swann and TJP could only achieve by meeting Jiminy Cricket and wishing upon a star. The fact that Jackie Boy was the only Cruiserweight in the Royal Rumble match  speaks volumes on how much WWE values him. And yet, he will lose here. After so many different champions, the division needs a rock to build a foundation on. Neville is that rock, and he will walk out as champ by doing something dastardly and ungentlemanly.

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Finally, WWE has found a Reigns match I am actually intrigued by. While the Reigns hype train is a little beat up at this point, he always threatens to run over the internet’s favorite wrestlers…until now. Strowman is Vince’s shiny new toy, and his push thus far is similar to Reigns early push in The Shield, minus the extra teammates to lean upon. I think Strowman is the one guy WWE management may have usurp Reigns as their guy, but being so close to ‘Mania I do not see this match happening, or at least having a proper finish. Instead, I see these two brawling all over the arena much like they have in the past, leading to a Falls Count Anywhere match at ‘Mania between the two. If I have to pick a winner, I would go with Strowman just in case they want to have Reigns seek a vengeful rematch at the biggest show of the year.

Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn

The other big grudge match on the card sees Joe staying on his warpath to destroy all the top babyfaces on Raw. Rollins’ injury is unfortunate, but may be a blessing in disguise for himself (he essentially gets a second chance at his big babyface turn) and Zayn, who gets something important to do and another chance to steal the show. Rewatching their epic 2 out of 3 falls match from NXT makes me salivate at what these guys can do, plus the WWE universe has been too long for Samoa Joe to debut on the main roster. In what will be the match of the night, Zayn will go down swinging as only he can and make Joe look like a boss from Dark Souls 3.

Kevin Owens (c) vs. Goldberg (WWE Universal Championship Match)

There are so many possibilities that I have chosen to list all of them as a series of cliffhanger questions.

Is there any way Owens walks out as champ? Can he beat Dad-Berg, or at least carry him to a decent match that is longer than three minutes? Will Chris Jericho cost Owens the Universal Championship? Will Brock come in to even the odds in Owens’ favor? Will the son of Goldberg pop his shirt off and defend his father against the team of monstrous evil dads? Will the son of Kevin Owens take down Junior-Berg leading to a father and son inter-generational tag team match at WrestleMania? Will Jericho emerge from the ashes and end up challenging Brock Lesnar for the title after winning it on Raw the day after this PPV? Will the universe eventually stop expanding, collapse, and thus claim the Universal Championship before becoming a singularity and becoming the Universal Champion in the past, present, and future simultaneously? Find out on WWE Fastlane!

In all seriousness, Goldberg will probably win in five minutes or less because it’s just that time on the WWE’s calendar for stuff like this.

Music

Blood Feast Kills Again With “Future State of Wicked”

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After nearly 30 years, east coast thrash titans Blood Feast have returned to drink the blood of every corpse yet again with their new album The Future State of Wicked.

Kicking things off with a Sam Kinison-esque scream from vocalist Chris Natalini, the Jersey devils rip into “INRI,” delivering aural force trauma from the get-go.

The heavy riffing of CJ Scioscia and Adam Tranquilli continue to wreak havoc on the senses with “Off With Their Heads,” “Bretheren,” and “By the Slice.” “Bretheren” is especially diabolical, from its bouncy main riff to shifting time signatures on a dime akin to Canadian thrash legends Voivod in the Killing Technology era. “By the Slice” not only keeps tradition to the band’s roots sonically, but also lyrically as they revolve around the cannibalism themes of the Herschell Gordon Lewis classic from which their name is lifted.

As the visceral revival continues, we are treated to the album’s second course. This boasts longer and sludgier tracks with a sincere amount of heaviness from all fronts. “The Underling” is a six-and-a-half-minute opus about toxic relationships and what they can do to a person. This is one of Blood Feast’s more human tracks and makes for one of the more impressive numbers in their catalog as the emotion seamlessly transfers from recording to reality.

“Last Rites” and “Who Prays for the Devil” are mosh-fiendly tunes that zig and zag with creative riffs, zany vocal patterns, and wildly over the top rhythm and percussion work by Tom Lorenzo and Joe Moore. While the latter comes off as a standard pit-starter until the coda, “Last Rites” is a flurry of death/thrash excellence that brings you back to the gory glory days of metal. That said, “Who Prays”makes haste as it doesn’t feel like a six-minute song for a second.

For the main course before the chopping block, Blood Feast deliver healthy portions of old-school thrash with “Nein” and “The Burn” with some bleeding room in the form of “Remnants II.” “Nein” is a drum driven frenzy with Natalini’s striking shrieks powering the ruthless rhythms of Tranquilli and company.

“Remnants II” serves as a warning to the album’s final one-two punch, “The Burn,” which sees Natalini channel his inner Kinison one last time for five minutes of absolute chaos.

With its 10 tracks of destruction, Future State of Wicked is proof that after more than 30 years, Blood Feast continue to kill for pleasure with their brash and intense style of thrash born and bred for the underground. Putting passion first, the New Jersey quintet have crafted a solid album that hearkens back to the good old days of thrash while maintaining their place in the genre’s history.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

SSEP – Episode 8: NFL Offseason / UFC 209 Preview / This Week In WWE

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SSEP returns as Jon and Matt hit on NFL offseason news, a UFC 209 preview and this week in WWE, including a Fastlane preview and early ‘Mania speculations.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

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