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Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania Moments: #1 – Human Demolition Derby

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by Frank Lucci

Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.

The Moment: TLC II, WrestleMania X-Seven

While writing out this list I have seen some amazing moments in wrestling. I have seen moments that crowned careers and rejuvenated others, I have watched legends go out in a blaze of glory, and I have seen matches that will never be seen again. So how do you top legends, icons, and five-star performances? You lay it all on the line to make a statement, and that’s what happened at WrestleMania 17 with TLC 2.

This match has it all – including death-defying stunts that WWE has wisely chosen to avoid in recent years. You have kayfabe stakes as all three teams are willing to throw themselves off ladders and through tables just to get the Tag Team Championships. It seems inconceivable that WWE would ask tag teams in 2017 to do the same to this degree, which just goes to show how important it was to have any belt in this era. You have meta importance of six men trying to elevate themselves and make them stand out among the Rock’s and Stone Cold’s of the day.

One of the biggest outcomes and legacies of this match is the fact that in the years since half of the people involved have won the top prize in WWE, and five out of six won world championships if you include TNA titles (poor Devon Dudley, but last place here is being half of the most decorated tag team in history and a behind the scenes role in today’s WWE is not too shabby). Finally, you get an emotional roller coaster as you watch three teams that endured themselves for their fans to cement their status as the future of the industry in a match that was never seen before or since.

I could give a blow by blow of this match, but words cannot do justice for what transpires. I cannot fathom how nobody was seriously injured here (besides Spike Dudley who lost a few teeth), and even more amazing  it is that half these guys are still wrestling today. Hell, Edge was the first to retire, and that was a solid decade after this car crash of a match.

The only complaints I have this match are purely aesthetic. There are three extra people that make run-ins during the match, which is three too many. Second, instead of a video package we get shots of production people pulling out ladders and tables for the match, which does not exactly sell people going in cold why they should care. Also, I wish commentator Paul Heyman would be a little biased towards The Dudleys and Rhyno, or at least mention that he was their boss in ECW and sell them more as the killers they are.

Instead of immediately going for crazy spots, everyone builds up slow here. It starts off with some brawling, and the first big spot involves Jeff using his brother as a springboard to dropkick Edge off the ladder. The Hardys then do a tandem splash/leg drop on Christian off the ladders, and it makes sense that the daredevil brothers would be the first to go to extreme lengths to hurt their opponents. Edge and Christian are the cowardly heels and The Dudleys are more likely to just hoof you through a table, so Matt and Jeff setting the bar in terms of extreme risk first is a nice piece of psychology.

The Dudley’s take control, and it’s up to them to set up the toys for future spots later. They make the four table stack as well as three ladders in the center. Soon enough all six men are on the ladders and as flashbulbs go off all six take a dive. A special mention goes to Christian for falling completely out of the ring and view, making it look like he may be the first real-life casualty of this match.

Now we get to the run-in portion of the match. Even these Superstars have gotten a certain amount of respect for their involvement in this legendary match. Spike Dudley is out first, delivering a Dudley Dog to Christian through a table on the outside. Spike is one of my Boys as the excellent OSW Review defines them (one of your favorite wrestlers who never won a world championship), so seeing him get involved always makes me happy. Rhyno is up next to destroy people much more effectively, and being the smart cookie/ future Michigan House of Representatives candidate that he is, he wisely drags his compatriots towards the ladder he sets up in the center of the ring. Finally, to the biggest entrance pop (including for the people actually in the match) comes for Lita, who jogs awkwardly to the ring.

At this point things go too fast to recap properly and you just have to watch it unfold. It is beyond belief what these guys do here, and another special mention goes to Jeff Hardy for being involved in the biggest spot of the match. Sure, he failed in his big leapfrog spot involving three ladders, but considering he jumped off a giant ladder to the floor through two tables about 90 seconds before, I will let it pass. Edge hits the most perfect spear of his career in midair, sickeningly spiking his own head into the canvas. The match almost ends anti-climatically as Christian grabs the belt as Devon just kind of stops trying to climb the ladder.

Somehow everyone walks out of this match, moving gingerly around the debris and human bodies left around the ring. I’m not sure how these six men did it, but they survived something that could have gone much, much worse. Above all else, at the end of the Attitude Era WWE established a future crop of main eventers that not only WWE, but other wrestling companies would rely on for the next decade. Sure, they had to put themselves through hell during this match, but what would you pay to punch your ticket to immortality?

To get to the top of an industry that had just shifted seismically in the wake of WCW and ECW folding, the six men here did what they needed to do to prove they were just as worthy of that spotlight of the legends already in it. For paving the way of the future, delivering something never before seen or replicated, and the physical toll that even the stoniest of hearts can appreciate makes TLC 2 my favorite WrestleMania moment of them all.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania Moments: #2 – Icon vs. Icon

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by Frank Lucci

Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.

The Moment: The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan, WrestleMania XVIII

Whenever two of the all time greats come together and compete it’s always a spectacle that demands attention. Even if it ends up disappointing like Mayweather vs. Pacquiao huge amounts of people dissect every aspect of the contest right up until things actually kick off. What’s even rarer is when the best of different generations come together and have a contest worthy of all the hype, which is why Hulk Hogan vs The Rock at WrestleMania 18 is such a special moment in wrestling. While such contests are either improbable or even impossible, this not only happened but it was a pretty damn good match to boot.

The Rock was inching his way out the door in 2002, and while he would stick around for a little bit after this, it was clear he was moving on to bigger and better things. He guided the WWE through the dreaded Invasion angle and was looking for something to do to follow up his spectacular match at the previous WrestleMania with “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.

How do you follow up on the match that is widely considered the greatest main event in WrestleMania history and the end of the Attitude Era?

Enter Hulk Hogan. He collected on his guaranteed contract from the now dead WCW, missing the Invasion entirely. This probably helped himself and many other big names from tarnishing their legacies and made sure they were able to pop up in WWE with some actual fanfare and hoopla. When he showed up with the rest of the NWO in tow it was a big deal, and I can only imagine how much this match would have suffered if Hogan and his cronies were forced to plod through the Invasion and kiss up to Stone Cold.

Instead we get Hogan being quite the evil bastard. The video package highlights his cartoon villainy as he blames the fans for making him walk out of the WWE in the early 90’s and running into his ambulance with a freaking semi truck. This match is famous for the double turn during the match that the fans started by cheering Hogan over The Rock, but to be fair Rocky acts like a dick during this hype video. Despite the choral music that accompanies his first appearance in the video he does attack Hogan first, and I can excuse an old man for getting his buddies to help him face off against a man half his age.

Hogan is out first and he definitely gets some cheers, but nothing like he would receive later. At some point people are just happy you’re still around and conceded that yes, you are one of the best of all time. It happened to Hogan, it happened to Flair, and it’s even starting to happen to the greatest heel of all time, Tom Brady. Thankfully, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler do not try to ignore or cover up the fact that Hogan is getting cheered like today’s WWE announcers would (and if we had to listen to JBL yell “THESE CANUCKS JUST LOVE TO HAVE FUN MAGGLE!” during this match I would have shot my television). Poor Rocky again gets a pretty lame pop for the second ‘Mania in a row, and the dude just cannot seem to catch a break.

Then the magic happens. Toronto just goes nuts when both men stare at each other and they never really stop. The two stars know how to work a crowd, and being the pros that they are they milk the reaction for everything it’s got. Hulk has a reputation for not wanting to put people over, but props to him for agreeing to lay down for The Rock here. Hogan pushes Rocky down and crowd acts like Jesus Christ just came down from heaven wearing a Maple Leafs jersey and the sky was raining poutine down like manna. One shove was all it took to people to lose their minds.

I cannot help and have a flashback to Mayweather v.s Pacquiao at this point. I watched that fight expecting a slugfest between two of the greatest of all time, and instead we got a lame duck boxing match. That legitimate sporting event collapsed under the weight of it’s own hype. Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg fell into the same trap when they first wrestled at ‘Mania 20.

Wrestling is a much more forgiving form of entertainment, and due to it’s unique nature we can see the fantasy matches we want and they can be just as good as they were in our head. Hogan was never the best technical wrestler (and neither was The Rock, for that matter), but when you book dream matches for him they look exactly like this.

This match goes back and forth pretty evenly for the first part, and Hogan pulls out some excellent heel moves. He really knows how to cheat in that old-school way that makes the internet lionize people like Kevin Owens and the like. Hogan worked like a bad guy even when he was America’s favorite hot dog in the 80’s so it is no surprise when he pokes eyes, rakes backs, and literally starts choking The Rock. Like Flair’s retirement match, this is essentially a greatest hits montage for Hogan. Rocky being the future actor that he is, bounces around like a cruiserweight.

It is so engaging to see, even if Hogan’s reluctance to leave his feet is stupendously obvious. They work the crowd like the two bosses that they are, and it still feels surreal that this match actually happened. Hogan vs. Michaels and Cena vs. The Rock tried to mimic this match, but they just could not follow in this match’s footsteps. Blame ego, blame age, but this is damn near as perfect of a big time wrestling match as you get. This is the wrestling equivalent of a Mark Twain book. It may not have the pop of modern day writing, but you can appreciate the wisdom and wit on display.

The end is wrestling 101. The referee gets knocked out and misses Hogan tapping out to the Sharpshooter from the People’s Champion. Hulk regains control with a low blow/stolen finisher combo because WrestleMania is one of the few times a year wrestlers resort to stealing finishing moves. Hogan whips The Rock, but Rocky channels his future self playing Black Adam and returns the favor while looking like a menacing bastard. He hits a Rock Bottom but Hogan gets his seizure of strength and we get the moment that lives on in a million YouTube ‘Mania countdowns.

In this moment it does not matter what Hogan has said and done in his personal life, because brother he is coming for Rocky! Rocky sells this like he is having an out of body experience. He has realized that he is the villain in all this, and he is standing across the ring from his childhood hero much like Roddy Piper, Andre The Giant, and Randy Savage have done before him and is staring down at his doom. I cannot say this enough, but the crowd is unreal.

When people talk about suspension of disbelief, this is what they are talking about. There are no crazy athletics or extreme violence to sell you on the fact that these guys are tough. In a vacuum this scene is slightly ridiculous. An actor is staring in fear of an old balding man as he grimaces and shakes his fists, but to wrestling fans, this is like watching The Power Rangers form their Megazord right in front of their eyes.

In the end, Hogan’s comeback is cut short, and the legendary Leg Drop of Doom cannot put The Rock away and The People’s Champ must chain together two Rock Bottoms and The People’s Elbow to put down the old lion. Despite Hogan’s monstrous face pop this was the right call, and we get a sign of respect from both men as the torch is officially passed. This is how it should be, as one man gives his endorsement of the other in front of a stadium of people and millions around the world.

Oftentimes in wrestling, backstage drama and politics get in the way so that these dream moments either don’t happen or are not of this quality. Hogan himself is guilty of doing this many times over his career, and Rocky would leave before he could put his stamp of approval on many of the superstars of the new millennium. I think the decline of wrestling after the Attitude Era can be linked to the lack of these critical transitional matches, as many of the Superstars of old were either unwilling (Triple H, Hogan) or unable (Stone Cold, The Rock) to give their blessing in the ring to a replacement, but for one night the right move is done properly.

Looking back at other singles matches I singled out for this list, most have a No-Disqualification stipulation around them. This may be the biggest non-gimmick match in WrestleMania history, and it certainly is my favorite. These two colossus are bigger than gimmicks, and they did not need the shortcut of weapons or bloodshed to tell the story that they wanted. All that mattered was the two men in the ring, and everything else was just icing on the cake. For delivering a real Icon vs. Icon moment rarely seen in any entertainment medium, Rock vs. Hogan is my number two WrestleMania moment.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 37: WrestleMania 33 Preview with All the Fixins!

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manopera

Chris and Frank give their picks and previews for WrestleMania 33 as well as their take on the controversial Twitter hack surrounding Paige, Xavier Woods, and others. Spaceman Frank cuts a promo on the hacker.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Music, Podcast

Bonesaw Podcast: Episode 49 – Insinnerator

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For this podcast we see the “classic” lineup of Dallas, Tx thrashers Insinnerator in a returning Christopher Atomic Thrasher along with newcomers Juan Speed and Benjamin Shanks. We talk metal, politics, the Legend of Zelda, and more.

Donate to our Patreon: www.patreon.com/thebonesaw.

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania Moments: #6 – Hail to the Chief

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by Frank Lucci

Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.

The Moment: The Battle of the Billionaires, WrestleMania XXIII  

This moment may be controversial due to the current real life situations surrounding it, but it is still one of the more interesting ones in the company’s history.

Although there are plenty of ‘Mania moments that involve much more talented wrestlers and personalities along with moments that add more to the world of wrestling, this moment is on my top 10 list because there is nothing in wrestling period that can compare to something like this. That is the Battle of the Billionaires featuring the current President of the United States and WWE Hall of Famer Donald J. Trump.

Now Trump is an incredibly polarizing figure, and his very mention may incite plenty of negativity, but this is a column about WrestleMania moments and not a political forum.  That said, it is now impossible to see the match between Umaga and Bobby Lashley and not find it surreal. What we have is one of the most powerful men on the planet shaving Vince McMahon’s (not exactly an insignificant businessman today as well as back in 2007) head. This is the President of the United States of America, and he is part of one of the marquee matches on the biggest wrestling event of the year. No other President has ever been involved in a sport or form of entertainment to this degree, with the possible exception of Teddy Roosevelt getting involved with football’s early outlaw history.

The match itself is pretty average, and just taken as Lashley vs. Umaga this feels like a main event of Raw instead of the third to last match at a WrestleMania, but Vinny Mac and D-Trump are having a bit of an issue, and these monstrous men are fighting for their honor like the billionaires are their maidens fair. In hindsight, it is slightly uncomfortable that these two old rich white men have two minorities fighting each other for their amusement, especially with Trump’s checkered history when it comes to race relations. What is at stake is not a title, or even simple bragging rights for that matter. The outcome of this wager is that whoever’s champion takes the pin must shave their head, and it is no surprise that Vince took the impromptu haircut here. To add to the proceedings, Stone Cold Steve Austin is here to collect a paycheck as a special guest referee in a role he goes back to every few years.

Nothing too special in the ring stands out, as Trump overshadows every single big move during the match. In 2017 every glance by the camera at the future President causes me to study the screen. I feel like I’m dreaming when I see the man with the nuclear codes throw possibly the worst punch in wrestling history. Then Stone Cold Steve Austin earns a spot on the no-fly list by giving the Stunner to a man with a fleet of Secret Service agents current protecting him and his family. All these moments are amazing in retrospect, and it is hard to compare something like the Undertaker’s WrestleMania win streak ending to something like this. What if Ronald Reagan actually played football instead of being in a movie about it? What if Grover Cleveland was on the New York Yankees before entering politics? I cannot wrap my head around any of that, but I have video evidence of the leader of the free world hanging out by a wrestling ring and being part of a Hair vs. Hair match.

Donald Trump will leave behind a complicated legacy when he passes, but for one night in Detroit he was the good guy fighting against the elitist billionaire. Much in the alleged fashion of his electoral campaign, he was standing up for the common man, using his resources to stand up against someone who usually is unchallenged in power. Trump gets the people behind him and promises to humiliate the people who have been in charge and unchecked for decades. In the end (via his champion Lashley) he managed to get a victory that he assured us he would get, despite his own hiccups performing on the big stage. We see his opponents humiliated and he eventually goes on to become the onscreen owner of the WWE. We should have seen his run at the Presidency coming, and seeing his ascent from WrestleMania 23 to kayfabe owner of the company and Hall of Famer mimics his rise in politics in such a way that is completely bonkers watching it now. For involving the President in a WrestleMania main event and giving WWE something they can brag about for the rest of the company’s history, the Battle of the Billionaires rolls in at number six on my list of WrestleMania moments.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

 

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania Moments: #7 – Two Tough SOB’S

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by Frank Lucci

Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.

The Moment: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle, WrestleMania XIX

One thing I love in wrestling is stakes. They can either be storyline related, meta as in management believing enough in a talent, and real life stakes as in a wrestler putting their health in jeopardy. This WrestleMania moment has all three.

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar may not be the first thing people think of as a top ‘Mania moment. Most people remember this match for the ending when Lesnar nearly ends up in a wheelchair or coffin after attempting a Shooting Star Press,  but there are plenty of elements that make this perhaps one of the best championship matches in all of WrestleMania history.

This match has two of the toughest beings in the history of the business on the biggest stage of the year. Angle is the olympic gold medalist who may be the best pure athlete in WWE, if not all of wrestling. When WrestleMania 19 rolled around in 2003 the man desperately needed neck surgery, but he was also the current WWE champion at the time. What do you do if your top guy could potentially injure his neck and suffer long term health problems? If your answer was having him fight a monstrous behemoth who throws humans around the same way I make cats dance for my amusement, I owe you a coke. Lesnar was in peak condition, and considering his only other ‘Mania match of his original run was the disaster with Goldberg it really was his only big moment at the Show of Shows.

It may seem insane that this went on after Stone Cold Steve Austin’s retirement match, but at the same time it’s the title match and this was when the title meant a hell of a lot more than it does now. The video package shows Lesnar tearing people apart with triumphant music in the background. An honorable mention goes to the amazing switcheroo of Kurt trading places with his brother Eric during a SmackDown title match when everyone thought WWE would take the title off the Olympic Hero so he could undergo neck sugery. This swerve is one of the most amazing single episode storylines in SmackDown history.

The match begins and Brock looks like every bit the monster he is. It takes a lot to make an Olympian looks like some dude off the street. Tazz also gets a special mention here, as he must have used all his announcer mojo during these 20 minutes because he is on fire during this whole encounter. Afterward, his commentary became somewhat of a Botchamania joke, but here he adds a degree of technical knowledge that is sorely missing from today’s WWE.

Both men go back and forth, with Angle trying to act like a heel despite the fact that insider fans know that he is dealing with massive health issues and regular fans recognize that Brock is a sentient piece of cyborg steak. Lesnar manages to sneak behind Angle faster than Sloth from Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. Just when you think Angle is going to get murdered he suplexes Lesnar over his head and the bigger man flies across the ring. Part of the appeal of this match is that even though Kurt would go into experimental neck surgery soon after this event he can still go toe to toe with a man that once threw a car door dozens of feet and hit a fan from the Raw stage.

The other big appeal of the match itself is wincing and praying that Brock does not literally paralyze or murder Kurt Angle. Every suplex, every gorilla press slam, every time Kurt leaves his feet I get nervous, even though I know he ends up no worse for wear. The middle portion of this match sees Kurt working a MMA style with plenty of holds to wear down the Beast, and while it may not be the most exciting style it makes sense from a story perspective that we again see very little of today. Many times WWE wrestlers will work a limb without any logic behind it, or as a way for heels to build heat before they inevitably get taken down by the good guys. Seeing two men with an understanding of technical wrestling go at it adds so much more suspension of disbelief even without the real life injuries at play.

Things begin picking up as the two start hitting finishers and Angle Locks. Angle hits suplex after suplex, which Brock sells like a boss and Kurt pretends landing on his back and neck is a good idea. It is impossible to think of 2017 Lesnar selling these moves like he is in 2003, and then we finally get it. The Shooting Star Press of horror. I will never understand what Brock’s thought process were in this moment. Angle is three-quarters of the way across the ring, and Brock had plenty of time to move him closer. Instead, he takes a horrifying bump and the man with a broken neck must guide the concussed dinosaur into the end of the match. There is no way in hell I would trust Lesnar to give me an F-5 when he looks like he is so far out of it he’s staring into the center of the universe but that’s exactly what happened; and an expressionless Brock is awarded the WWE Championship to go with his sad cow eyes.

While most of this match has a real big fight feel, these final minutes really sum up the appeal to this match and are why it’s number seven on my list. These two put on a stupendous match despite so many factors going against them, and with all that real life danger this feels riskier than any hardcore match. Both men would have all sorts of ups and downs for the rest of their careers, but now that Kurt Angle is going into the Hall of Fame I desperately hope we get to see them shake hands once again and that more people rediscover this gem of a match.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Top Ten Wrestlemania Moments: #9 – Ric Flair’s Curtain Call

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by Frank Lucci

Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.

The Moment: Shawn Michaels Retires Ric Flair, WrestleMania XXIV

Ric Flair is one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. Flair is most likely the best heel in the history of the business, and has the distinct honor of being the only man besides my grandfather that my grandmother ever swore at. His promos throughout his career are some of the most iconic, and despite not being a technical powerhouse, he was able to put so much emotion into his matches that they are some of the easiest to re-watch for newer wrestling fans. While many of contemporaries wrestled a style that could generously be described as watching two behemoths angrily hug in slow motion, Flair was a cartoon character who flew around the ring and begged for his life every night for decades.

In 2008, Flair was in better shape than most men in their 50’s, but he still looked like a hot dog with a thumbnail stuck on the top. It was time for him to hang up the boots, but this was Ric Flair. He still had enough magic to pull out one big match, and why not go out at WrestleMania against another guy who is arguably one of the greats in Shawn Michaels? The video package before this match makes it abundantly clear who’s walking out with the win, which is why despite all the emotion this is at number nine. Everyone knew this was the last dance for the Nature Boy, so the big question was “how good of a match was Naitch capable of having?”

The video package shows Michaels announcing Flair going into the WWE Hall of Fame and a montage of Flair moments, which is kind of weird that they act like he is a beloved figure when much of the package shows him low blowing people, making out with multiple women, and bleeding everywhere. Flair ends up calling out HBK, who has reservations, but almost immediately changes his tune and tells Flair he is going to shoot him behind a woodshed like Old Yeller (Is this how normal friends talk to each other?). Considering HBK will declare his love for his buddy towards the end of the evening, it makes for an awkward package if it’s not the first time you’re watching it.

Despite threatening to euthanize an old man, Michaels gets cheered when he makes his entrance. When Flair enters the crowd gives him the ovation he deserves, and we get a pretty heartbreaking scene of his children. The first crazy meta moment of the match sees the future Women’s Champion Charlotte alongside her late brother Reid. Charlotte has said this night was part of the genesis of her wrestling career, and seeing the late brother who gave her the final push to become a wrestler before his untimely passing adds a weird mix of morbidness and hope to the entrance of their father.

While this is the biggest OMG moment of the early portion of this match there are several subtle ones that make this stand out even further. Charles Robinson (a.k.a. Lil’ Naitch) is appropriately the referee, and he pulls the middle rope down as a sign of respect for his idol. A massive amount of O’s circle the ring as chains of fans make “Woo” signs that stretch across entire sections of the stadium. Flair even manages to look regal in his robe before he reverts to his tights and terrifying “grandpa at a pool” look. Flair hasn’t shown more life in the ring since WCW closed its doors. He starts off by doing some impressive chain wrestling, but Michaels slaps him so hard he starts bleeding from the mouth in a sign of what’s to come.

This beginning of the match does not truly heat up until the second big moment when Shawn takes the sickening moonsault bump onto the side of the table. The table does not collapse, and it looks as though Michaels has broken several ribs five minutes into the match. If you want a moment to show non-wrestling fans of how painful wrestling can be (without resorting to hardcore wrestling), this is the bump to show them. Most critically to the drama of this match, this particular spot makes it seem like Flair may just get lucky and hold off retirement for just a little longer.

Once it’s clear HBK is not going to cough up blood, the match admittedly gets slightly boring. Flair’s offense looks as tired as he does, and besides the signature chops nothing screams that he’s walking away with his arm raised. Despite commentators Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler doing their best to make it sound incredible, Space Mountain looks every bit the Old Yeller Michaels called him. The match eventually boils down to a Ric Flair highlight package, but this is not necessarily bad. Sometimes wrestling is great because things work out the way we want, and I think fans would rather have had Flair go out in a stadium full of people rather than say, bleeding everywhere in a TV studio in Orlando for a paycheck (cough, TNA, cough).

Finally, we get to the third and most poignant moment of the match. In the end Flair really does have it in him to compete with another legendary wrestler, and defeat is written all over his face. Michaels, having diverted from his slightly heelish persona earlier in the match, says the immortal words that will follow both men for eternity.

“I’m sorry. I Love You.”

No real sport has moments like this. The nature of competition means we don’t get two athletes from different eras facing off and allowing this kind of respect. That’s why this match is in such a high regard for many. While seeing Flair’s family is both tragic yet inspiring, and HBK’s horrifying table bump gives you that suspension of disbelief, this real moment between two men who respect the hell out of each other is something you just cannot fake, even in the world of wrestling. We may get players and coaches shaking hands and hugging, but we don’t get Tom Brady apologizing to opponents as he wins a SuperBowl and ends their careers. Flair ends up taking three Sweet Chin Musics like he’s Brock Lesnar, but in the end he goes out better than anyone could have expected. On this historic day, these two men took something incredibly predictable and yet made it both unexpected and timeless.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania Moments: #10 – The Last Dinosaur

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by Frank Lucci

Welcome to Spaceman Frank’s Top 10 WrestleMania moments! Rather than just create another generic Top 10 list, I will be discussing the greatest moments from WWE’s biggest show of the year and explaining why I consider them the cream of the crop. This is based on in-ring quality, storyline quality, meta quality, as well as my own unique bias. Be prepared to read about triumph, heartbreak, and above all else, some truly unique moments in this unique form of entertainment.

The Moment: Hulk Hogan Slams Andre the Giant, WrestleMania III

The Book of Exodus in WWE’s lore, WrestleMania III is an event that will forever be shrouded in mythmaking. Although 78,000 is closer to the actual number of Pontiac Silverdome attendees, WWE claims that 93,000 people got together to worship WWE and more specifically, Hulkamania. Sure, there were other matches (Macho Man/Steamboat) and a slew of celebrities to “ooh” and “ahh” at (Alice Cooper), but the main draw was the bout which set the template for “big match” events: The irresistible force that was Hulk Hogan meeting the immovable object that was Andre the Giant for the WWE (then WWF) Championship.

Finally, after mucking about tag teaming with Mr. T and facing the human pillow King Kong Bundy, we got the first true WrestleMania main event. The night ended with Hogan valiantly slamming the giant and retaining his belt as the lowly giant was carted away with his evil manager Bobby Heenan.

Only that’s not the way I see it. When I watch this match, I see a man crowing over his fallen prey. I see a petulant warrior bragging about shooting the last white rhino. I see the fall of the last dinosaur.

It’s impossible to watch this match from a modern context and not think of all the events that have happened since. Hulk Hogan’s reputation has been irrefutably damaged long before his well publicized sex tape was released. His status as somebody who politicized to keep his spot long after he was worthy is well known, and from that standpoint, it is impossible to not see many of his big moments from 1990 on as the actions of a spoiled child. A leathery, balding child, but a child nonetheless.

Then you have Andre the Giant. Perhaps one of the most legendary figures of modern America. I honestly believe that in 100 years, Andre will be talked about in the same way as Paul Bunyan. Hell, Hogan is one of the first people to make him into a mythological figure. Hogan couldn’t decide what Andre was, as he guessed at his height with a margin of error between 1-12 inches, his weight within several hundred pounds, and the time of his death within several years. Andre the Giant stories are legendary, and the massive man just seemed to collect tale tales as he went along. He could drink more than 100 beers in one sitting. He stole a horse carriage with Dusty Rhodes in Central Park and passed out in a hallway where hotel attendants had to drape him in a piano cover. He’d drink crates of wine and force people to watch The Princess Bride with him. He could flip a car from when he was a teenager in France catching rides with Samuel Beckett. Because he lived in a time without the Internet, we will simply never know how much of Andre’s life was actually true, which may be the key ingredient as to why he is so special. These myths and his untimely death in 1993 ensured that Andre would never see the fall from grace Hogan and many others in the professional wrestling business have suffered.

Which brings us back to WrestleMania III. Watching in a modern bubble, we get a video package explaining this match. We find out Andre is justifiably mad that his buddy Hogan gets all the accolades for being champ for three years while he gets a passing mention that he has been undefeated for 15 years. There are many ridiculous things about this. Jesse Ventura’s Buckwheat shirt, Rowdy Roddy Piper’s portrait standing in the background, Hogan refusal to face his friend due to the honest to God fear the man has of Andre. That fear suddenly receding once Hogan gave perhaps the hammiest “Yes” in television history.

None of that matters once the two square off. Admittedly, Hogan looks pretty damn heroic as one of the few men to walk to the ring at WrestleMania III as opposed to taking the cart. Meanwhile, Andre gets pelted with boos and garbage despite the fact that he had to undergo back surgery to even attempt this match. Ventura speaks for all modern fans wondering why Andre never received a title shot in 15 years while Gorilla Monsoon meekly counters with “Well, he never asked.” Although a plausible statement (would you tell him “No?”), Ventura responds brilliantly with “Does thunder boom or does it ask for permission first, Monsoon?”

At this point, when the match starts, is precisely when this becomes one of many favorite WrestleMania moments. The reason it’s not higher on this list is, quite frankly, the in-ring action is awful by today’s standards. It is a zero. That said, taking in all the outside factors, it is hard to not feel something during this match. Not for the hero Hulk Hogan, but the visibly in pain Andre. It only takes a few minutes before the Giant makes his camp by the ring posts and ropes so he can lean on them to support his planetary weight. Andre barely moves during the match, and when he steps around the ring it is with small ones. The only impressive thing I can say is that, despite knowing Andre is nowhere near 100-percent, he tosses Hogan around like he was nothing. No doubt the stories of him losing his cool and flipping cars are possible, but this is not the story of the aging veteran getting his chance to shine at The Show of Shows, this is the story of the overblown doofus slamming a massive human being and keeping his belt as the last dinosaur rides away in shame as a fresh wave of garbage hits him.

From here, Hogan would continue to reach amazing heights in professional wrestling while Andre’s health continued to deteriorate. While Hogan’s real-life antics eventually came to light and damaged his reputation beyond repair, Andre has since become canonized as the patron saint of wrestling. No one can, or ever will match how much Andre has done for the business in terms of being a pillar to make people believe that this is something worthy of speculation and adulation.

One final Andre myth sticks with me when I watch this match. Late in life, Andre bought a ranch with many animals on it. When asked by longtime friend and former WWE referee Tim White about it, Andre said he liked being around animals. You see, they were the only things that did not stare at him like a freak or a monster. That was the lasting legacy of one of the kindest, most mythical legends the WWE leaves behind in their cannon, while an orange bozo gets all the glory.

God bless you Andre the Giant. Although this is one of the biggest WrestleMania moments of all time, I just wish that after 15 years, you wound up squashing Hogan and got your chance to shine in that massive stadium.

For more of Spaceman Frank’s antics, check out Spacemanfrank.com and listen to our pro wrestling podcast, Manopera!

 

 

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SSEP – Episode 8: NFL Offseason / UFC 209 Preview / This Week In WWE

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SSEP returns as Jon and Matt hit on NFL offseason news, a UFC 209 preview and this week in WWE, including a Fastlane preview and early ‘Mania speculations.

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Pro Wrestling

Baron Corbin is WWE’s Dark Horse

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Credit: Ratededgesuperstar via Deviant Art

Heading into his first WWE Pay-Per-View main event this Sunday at Elimination Chamber, Baron Corbin will be the one to watch once those chamber doors lock.

Since his main roster debut last year, Corbin has been a work in progress, doing very little to nothing of notice until last year’s brand split. As he toiled in the undercard, there wasn’t much to be said about the Lone Wolf until his Chairs match with Kalisto at TLC in December.

Corbin came off as a monster, and with the help of the Lucha Dragon, managed to turn a presumed “throwaway match” into one of the more talked about bouts of the evening. Long story short: the WWE Universe discovered how much the big man has improved since his NXT days.

Since then, SmackDown Live has been subtly plugging Corbin into the main event scene with quick, dominant run-ins, giving him more promo time and most recently, matches with top guys such as John Cena and Dean Ambrose.

This past SmackDown, the Lone Wolf won a Fatal Four Way against three of his other Elimination Chamber competitors, but it wasn’t just the rub and being put over that makes WWE’s big plans clear, it’s who Corbin pinned that tells the story.

WWE could have had Corbin pin Ambrose, or even The Miz. Most watching may have guessed Corbin’s inclusion was to take the pin rather than walk away with it. Instead, WWE brass had Corbin go over A.J. Styles, and that says a lot.

While odds are the Lone Wolf won’t walk out of the Elimination Chamber with WWE gold (it’s rumored that Bray Wyatt will finally win the WWE Championship), his booking suggests that he will have a run with the title in the near future.

To make a bold prediction, expect the Lone Wolf to win the Money in the Bank Ladder Match in June en-route to successfully cashing in his briefcase to become champion sometime after SummerSlam.