Tag Archives: The Undertaker

Spaceman Frank’s Survivor Series 2016 Predictions

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Much like Hell in A Cell, WWE is going all out by having three of Survivor Series’s gimmick matches on display. WWE is trying to hype up these matches at a big event to try and get bragging rights between the brands, which would work better if the brand split was less than six months old. That being said we do get an extreme case of “fantasy warfare” and cramming this much talent into one Pay-Per-View must make it good right? Right???? I’m Spaceman Frank and here are my predictions for Survivor Series 2016.

Brian Kendrick (c) vs. Kalisto (Cruiserweight Championship Match – If Kalisto wins, the Cruiserweight Division moves to SmackDown Live)

WWE pretty much shot themselves in the foot by announcing 205 Live before this match. I think Brian Kendrick could be a fine champ, but the way he was booked before and after being crowned is pretty pathetic. As saw in the CWC, he can still put on amazing matches, but WWE would rather have him fart around and beg his opponents to let him win.

Kalisto was always the odd man out as the cruiserweight on SmackDown, but maybe WWE was smart (or insane) enough to put him on SmackDown for this scenario. Seeing as Raw has epically botched the Cruiserweights, I’m ready for SmackDown to get their hands on the super talented division. Kalisto wins and becomes the first respectable champ the brand has had.

10 vs. 10 Tag Team Raw vs. SmackDown Survivor Series Elimination Match

This hodge-podge of a match has the teams fighting because…reasons. For all the segments featuring the teams trying to get me to care about this match, clearly this is the redheaded stepchild of the Raw vs. SmackDown matches (and no, I’m not just saying that because Heath Slater is involved). I realize now how many joke tag teams WWE has on the main roster.

Really, this breaks down (for me at least) as American Alpha vs. The New Day and Enzo & Cass, and I see American Alpha snagging a win for SmackDown because it’s about damn time Chad Gable becomes the megastar he could be.

The Miz ((c) with Maryse) vs. Sami Zayn (Intercontinental Championship Match)

I would love to see a proper feud between these two. Sadly, I feel as though this is going to be a one-off match for them, especially because it seemed like everyone expected the IC champ to still be Dolph Ziggler. With SmackDown almost certainly getting the Cruiserweight belt, I see Raw grabbing the IC belt to even things out. This gives SmackDown a unique flavor, while giving all the traditional titles a home on the flagship show. Obviously this means Sami Zayn will win, and since he did, you know, beat Kevin Owens in their last match of the “Fight Forever” feud, this gives him a better spot to launch from. Perhaps hey could even book The Likeable One semi-decent if he’s champ.

5 vs. 5 Raw vs. SmackDown Women’s Survivor Series Elimination Match

Which team will pull it together after weeks of fighting? Who cares! I was kind of into this match until the go-home SmackDown where the Raw ladies beat down Becky Lynch. This included Sasha Banks and mega babyface Bayley doing a five-on-one beatdown (BAYLEY JOINED IN ON A GROUP MUGGING OF HER FRIEND!!! THAT IS VERY HEELISH!!!). Poor writing all around sucked me completely out of this match. SmackDown has more potential dissension moments between the teams, so I think Raw will win. Plus, they have Nia Jax who is due for a main roster statement match and eliminating most of SmackDown will do just that.

5 vs. 5 Raw vs. SmackDown Men’s Survivor Series Elimination Match

This match has been heavily hyped, with Stephanie McMahon threatening to fire people if they lose on Raw and SmackDown’s men having The Undertaker threaten to bury people alive (sounds like Raw has the better deal since they, you know, don’t have somebody threatening to murder them). There are many interesting angles that can play out here, from champ Owens vs. champ Styles to Roman Reigns vs. the crowd to Braun Strowman versus everyone.

This can be the match of the night if booked properly, or it can be a disaster if they decide to push certain people (cough, Reigns, cough) over everyone else. Honestly, I think the biggest mystery is how Strowman will be booked, and how they preserve the new monster on the block. Raw wins, with Owens and Reigns being the last two standing so they can hype Roadblock in December.

Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) vs. Goldberg

I really want to hate on this match but I won’t. There will be plenty of fine technical wrestling this weekend, but sometimes you need some sizzle and this match has sizzle in spades. I was at the go-home Raw for Survivor Series and it was palpable how badly people wanted to see these two fight. I’m not saying this will be a five-star classic or even a serviceable match, but this figures to be one hell of a moment. I think we’ll see a match similar to Lesnar’s match with Orton at Summerslam where it builds to Brock beating Goldberg until the bell is called. Or they both get themselves disqualified and they just bloody each other up. Either way Brock stays strong and Goldberg can have his superhero moment before getting the Hall of Fame nod.

Fantasy Booking The Undertaker vs. Finn Balor at WrestleMania 33

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On the 900th episode of SmackDown, The Undertaker appeared for the first time since WrestleMania 32.

Many speculated it would be to either announce his retirement or to select his WrestleMania 33 opponent. However, the Phenom did none of these things. He simply stated that he’s back to “take souls and dig holes,” and that WrestleMania will no longer define him before giving the SmackDown Survivor Series team a pep-talk from beyond the grave.

As vague as his statement is, it’s safe to assume he will now be appearing sporadically in some type of authority role, almost in a way President Jack Tunney would in the 80’s and early 90’s. ‘Taker will probably end up in the occasional tag match as well as more Pay-Per-Views leading up to ‘Mania 33.

But if the Show of Shows in Orlando is the endgame for The Deadman, he should have an opponent, and it should be a demon. Not Demon Kane, but a Demon King.

The Undertaker’s WrestleMania 33 opponent should be none other than the returning Finn Balor, and unlike his ‘Mania 31 encounter with Bray Wyatt, it should be a passing of the torch.

But how can this feud be built with Balor on Raw and ‘Taker on SmackDown?

After Survivor Series this Sunday, the next inter-brand Pay-Per-View is Royal Rumble.

In the Royal Rumble match, Balor should make his return to the ring as the surprise number 30 entrant to a Road Warrior pop and battle his way into becoming one of the final competitors fighting for a World Championship opportunity alongside John Cena, Bray Wyatt and Seth Rollins.

With the way things are heading, it looks as though Rollins and Triple H will meet at either the Rumble or ‘Mania, so we’ll keep it for the latter. Here, The Game screws Rollins out of the title via shenanigans and Rollins is promptly eliminated. We now have our final three Rumble combatants. One from Raw, two from SmackDown. Cena and Wyatt will set their differences aside for the sake of their brand and team up against Balor.

The lights then go out inexplicably and we hear the one sound every WWE Superstar dreads.

GONG!

The lights reactivate as The Undertaker stands in the ring and stares down all three men. As a red herring, he chokeslams Cena. Still setting his sights on being “The New Face of Fear,” Wyatt tries for a Sister Abigail but it’s countered into another chokeslam by the Phenom. Balor has been down the entire time from the Cena/Wyatt smack down (pun intended). As he slowly recovers to his feet he turns to The Deadman, who stares into his eyes and makes his signature throat-cutting gesture before driving Balor into the mat with a Tombstone. He picks up the fallen Irishman and tosses him over the top rope, eliminating him from the match and his chance to reclaim the title he was forced to vacate due to injury.

The stage is set. The Demon of Death Valley vs. The Demon King at the Granddaddy of ’em All, where after putting on a clinic, Balor puts ‘Taker to rest en-route to winning back his WWE Universal Championship from Rollins, who defeats both Triple H and Kevin Owens in the same night.

Since the current Cena angle is his journey to tie Ric Flair for the all-time World Championship record, he goes on to win the Rumble and dethrone A.J. Styles at ‘Mania. As for Wyatt, we could see a match against stablemates Randy Orton, Luke Harper, or both. Regardless of whether or not any of this happens, April 2, 2017 is going to be a hell of a show.

Spaceman Frank’s WrestleMania 32 Predictions

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By Frank Lucci

Spring is here and the WWE is gearing up for their biggest event of the year, WrestleMania.

While ‘Mania 32 has had many setbacks, from injuries to….more injuries, the McMahons are soldiering on with who they have available. Despite many fans and critics ready to write the Pay-Per-View off, over 84,000  tickets have been sold for the event at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, TX. This means that the WWE universe will at least make WrestleMania 32 a big financial win for the company and a memorable spectacle to behold regardless as to whether the event itself is a hit or miss. Here is Spaceman Frank’s ‘Mania 32 predictions.

Kalisto (C) vs. Ryback (United States Championship match)

It’s funny how without John Cena the U.S. championship has gone from respected belt to jerking the curtain on the pre-show. Kalisto is a great wrestler and fine champion who deserves a properly built match at ‘Mania. Instead he gets a newly turned heel in Ryback and nonexistent booking heading into the event. This could have been a promising feud, with Ryback really hammering home his “I hate small people” gimmick by taking out Kalisto’s tag partner Sin Cara and El Torito so the masked luchador has a personal stake in beating Ryback. At the end of the day, it’s  better than nothing. Kalisto wins to pop the crowd early.

The Total Divas (Brie Bella, Paige, Natalya, Alicia Fox and Eva Marie) vs. B.A.D. & Blonde (Lana, Summer Rae,Naomi, Emma and Tamina)

It’s the cast of Total Divas versus the female wrestlers not good enough to have a title match. With three good wrestlers out of ten (four if you merge Naomi and Alicia Fox into one person), this will not be a five star classic. Throw in Lana having her first match ever and the always controversial Eva Marie making the card and this could be a Botchamania highlight reel. Hopefully things will be kept short and fast paced so the women have a chance to put on a good match. Total Divas win because they have a show and the others don’t.

The Usos vs The Dudley Boyz

Last Summer the Dudley Boyz came back to the WWE and proceed to do fuck-all for several months. Last Fall the Usos also came back from injury and proceed to do fuck-all for several months as well (TIME FOR A ‘MANIA FEUD BROTHER!). Having the Dudleys turn heel and renounce using tables is a good idea, but this feud means very little with nothing at stake. This contest should have been for a title shot or at least a tables match to give fans something to look forward to. At least the match itself should be fun to watch. The Dudleys win because they are the veteran team  and The Usos can take the loss and still be cheered by the kids who miss Cena.

Kevin Owens (C) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Sin Cara vs. The Miz vs. Stardust (Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match)

Why the WWE decided this match needed to be a seven man ladder match and not the U.S. Championship match I have no idea. The WWE have an obvious money feud with Owens vs. Zayn, but apparently last year’s ladder match warranted a repeat. It also speaks volumes about the current roster depth that Zack Ryder and Sin Cara are rounding out the participants of this match. That being said, this could be a show stealer as there is loads of talent in the match who will be willing to put their bodies on the line for the belt. Owens has been a great heel and deserves to keep his title, so I see him taking advantage of his main rival Sami Zayn having wrestled Shinsuke Nakamura at NXT Takeover: Dallas two days earlier to win the match and retain his championship.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

On paper this match is nothing special. However, the rumors for the last few spots in the match make the third annual battle royal intriguing. The Wyatts are not booked for WrestleMania, leaving many to expect Bray or Braun Strowman to win the match and comically oversized trophy. However, none other than Cesaro has been spotted in Dallas without an arm sling, leading many to assume he will be making an appearance after several months on the shelf with a shoulder injury. Bray, Braun and Cesaro are all potential winners as long as they actually get in the match, but if not i’m going with Heath Slater since the Social Outcasts were among the first participants announced and the surprise alone would spark a great reaction.

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

It would be much more important if this was not the fourth match between the two grapplers.

Jericho is best as a heel and Styles is a perfect foil for him, but the two should have been kept apart more before ‘Mania. Considering that pretty much every Styles match with a popular WWE wrestler has dream match potential it would be better if the former “Mr. TNA” had a big name rival to take on instead of WWE’s most frequent part timer. This feud has not been bad, but at this point I expect Styles to win and move on asap.

The New Day vs. The League of Nations (3 on 4 handicap match)

Another curious booking decision by the WWE is to have the tag team championship not defended at WrestleMania. Even weirder is the fact that I feel like The New Day have beaten every member of the League repeatedly for the past few months. The New Day are one of the best things going in the WWE, but they need some real rivals stat or they could quickly fade into the background. This will be remembered more for whatever entrance and promo The New Day has beforehand than what happens in the ring, and there is no reason to believe the tag champs lose here.

Charlotte (C) vs. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch (Triple Threat match for WWE Divas Championship)

This feud has quietly been one of the better put together matches heading into WrestleMania. Charlotte has been great as the heel champ, Becky is the scorned friend and challenger with a score to settle and Sasha is the wildcard who can swing either way if push comes to shove. Throw in Ric Flair, Snoop Dogg and a potential return to the Women’s Championship the following night on Raw and this easily could top the men’s matches on the card. While Charlotte has been a worthy champ, Banks will beat Becky to win the belt, setting up Charlotte vs. Banks for a later date.

Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell match: If Shane wins he controls Raw and Undertaker cannot compete at ‘Mania again if he loses)

Shane O’Mac coming back was great…until he started talking…and trying to throw punches…and they threw in too many stipulations into the match. Shane coming back should be great, but in 2016 there’s no reason he should be facing The Undertaker in one of his final matches. Blaming injuries is too easy, the WWE should’ve had someone available for one of their most legendary performers then the boss’ 46-year-old son. The WWE has been desperately trying to show Shane as a threat to Taker but I’d believe my dog is the queen of Neptune before I’d believe “The Money” beats The Phenom. Taker wins, everyone cheers and Shane probably bleeds a bunch.

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose (Street Fight)

The street fight to end all street fights. Ambrose may have found a perfect opponent in Lesnar as he can go all out against The Beast while getting thrown around like a ragdoll. I can see the two going at it in the crowd as tens of thousands of people swarm the two men. Having WWE legends Terry Funk and Mick Foley giving Ambrose pep talks and lethal weapons (that couldn’t possibly be used in the match) is a nice touch. The only downside is that Ambrose is most likely taking the loss here, even though he’s been overdue for a big win for some time. This match will be physical and most likely the best worked match of all the big main events at ‘Mania and I see Lesnar taking home the victory after suplexing everything and everyone in sight.

Triple H (C) vs. Roman Reigns (WWE World Heavyweight Championship match)

The WWE has backed themselves into a corner here.

With crowds refusing to cheer Reigns and slyly behind Triple H, this could end very, very poorly for WWE. While the crowd at last year’s ‘Mania were treated to a surprise Money in the Bank cash in, this appears to be Reign’s time to take home the gold. Reigns has done himself no favors in interviews, with condescending remarks towards adult fans who boo him. It’s no wonder that Triple H has the crowd behind him considering shite comments like that. The hottest mess in what is a hot mess of a card, Reigns wins the belt after the crowd loses their voices from booing so the WWE has an easier time piping in cheers on replays of the event.

Interning for WWE: My Improbable Journey

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In the summer of 2013 I achieved a goal I thought was unattainable. I interned for WWE. While every experience is different, here’s my account of what it’s like to hit the proverbial ropes for the pro-wrestling juggernaut.

Chapter One: The Application

Long story short, I needed to graduate college.

After a year and a half of applying for internship after internship, I was getting nowhere and was in a mild state of depression. To be honest, applying for this internship was a complete shot in the dark to humor a friend of mine (who happens to wrestle on the indie circut). After watching Raw one Monday, he informed me there were internships available and that I should apply (being a writer and all). I laughed it off and told him I didn’t have a prayer but I would apply because he told me to (and because he was willing to put me through a table if I didn’t).  When I got home I threw my hat in the ring (no pun intended) and figured that was that.

How wrong I was.

A few weeks to a month later I got a literal wake up call from WWE’s Human Resources department about the internship. I don’t remember a whole lot about the conversation because I was still groggy but at the end I was told I would be meeting with then Executive Editor Craig Tello (who went on to write WWE Superstar Daniel Bryan’s best-selling biography in 2015).

I was so petrified of jinxing myself that I didn’t tell a soul until I was about to leave for my first visit to WWE Headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut (four hours prior to my interview with Tello).

To calm my nerves, I listened to Clutch’s discography for the entire duration of the three hour train ride (and 15 to 20 minute bus ride from Stamford’s Metro North stop to WWE’s Headquarters). When I walked in, it turned out I was an hour early. Being raised in a traditional Italian household, I naturally went to the deli across the street and ate to calm my nerves. It was then that I called one of my best friends and fellow WWE lifer to tell her the news.

To say I was quaking in my little space boots would be an understatement.

I once again walked into WWE Headquarters, resume and portfolio in hand and sat down in the lobby, admiring the golden life-sized Andre the Giant statue proudly residing there (as well as the giant banner boasting the upcoming Pay-Per-View). An escorted elevator ride later and I was sitting down in one of WWE’s many conference rooms.

After admiring the room and all it’s majestic memorabilia in a comfy rotating chair, Tello walked in and introduced himself. Unbeknownst to me I didn’t stand up to shake his hand because I was still basking in the glory of being in the building. When I realized what I had neglected to do, I thought I had already bombed the interview. Since I figured this was as close as I would get to the WWE, I no longer cared about my first impression and proceeded to say what came to mind (in the most professional way) after Tello asked his questions (which seemed very on-the-fly for the most part).

The conversation mostly revolved around re-iterating my resume, what I liked and disliked about the current product, what I would change and where I saw myself eventually (I kept pushing a magazine project I had done for a recent class I had taken, but since this was for digital content, Tello politely refuted my requests). He kindly escorted me to the door and I was happily complacent with the memory of being in the building once. On the way out, I placed my left hand in Andre’s hand and said goodbye (a weekly ritual I subconsciously kept).

A few weeks later, I missed a call from human resources during my shift at a deli for a local Key Food (which I hated and was the sole motivation for college graduation at the time). I figured the voice mail was just kindly telling me I didn’t get the internship, but an e-mail from Tello days later told me otherwise.

Memorial Day 2013 was a big deal.

After hammering out the details with Tello, it was decided that I would start May 28, the day after one of the many American holidays ruined by retail. I was stationed Monday through Wednesday and had the good fortune of having family in Connecticut. It was during this time I would become close with my cousin Tim, a retired Connecticut police officer. I stayed at Tim’s with his longtime girlfriend Debbie Mondays and Tuesdays for the duration of my internship.

I was going to be writing for WWE.com in WWE’s headquarters three days a week for practically the entire summer.

Chapter Two: The First Day

 It was a rainy Tuesday in Stamford.

I gathered in the lobby with the other interns, stunned that I would be engaged in a three month passion project in the least likely place I ever saw myself.

We were a large group, so we were herded like cattle into separate elevators that brought us to the confines of the cafeteria, catered by Panera Bread. Inside, we sat down in assigned seats adorned with care packages from our “mentors” (mine happened to be Tello). What followed was a standard orientation. During introductions, fellow interns proudly announced the prestigious universities they attended, but none more proud than I, the scrapper from Brooklyn College who clawed his way to the top.

After the orientation, paperwork was gathered and mentors collected their youth for the day. It was then where I was given a brief tour of the floor by Tello, greeted by legendary ring announcer Howard Finkel and former ECW and WWE color commentator Joey Styles (who’s desk was directly in front of mine). As the shock settled, I was seated at my first desk ever, briefly introduced myself to my temporary coworkers (all brilliant in their own right) and given a choice of a Christian, Eddie Guerrero or “Stone Cold” Steve Austin action figure to emblazon my desk (naturally, I chose Austin – who is proudly displayed in my man cave).

Unfortunately, I was also introduced to my arch nemesis, Chris Buetra. Buetra was a spelling error of my last name the IT department made that has become my claim to blame whenever bizarre events occur. I was told of a Seamless account stipend I could use after a certain time. Since I was set to cover Monday Night Raw (WWE’s Flagship show) I qualified. For my first meal, I ordered a recommended Italian favorite from a well reviewed establishment. Unfortunately, Buetra ordered eggplant parmigiana from a Chinese restaurant and Tello informed me in front of the entire office after receiving a phone call from the restaurant.

Damn you, Buetra!

After the non-Raw coverage staff left for the day I met my Monday team, (also brilliant in their own right) rounded out by the voice of ECW himself (I made it a point to sit next to and ask questions as often as I could, absorbing his knowledge like a sponge). While watching the show, I naively conversed with Styles about storyline decisions I didn’t agree with before he politely told me to shut up and learn because this was after all, a learning experience. This was the first of many professional subtleties Styles would explain without having to.

Chapter Three: The Internship

Raw coverage would run smoothly (and mostly silently) over the next few months and my mind expanded to then unprecedented heights. The amount of talent in the entire Content department will destroy even the most prestigious of publications without blinking an eye.

Most Mondays would start with leaving my Brooklyn home three hours before scheduled and heading down to Stamford. If I was lucky, I’d catch WWE’s shuttle bus from the terminal and arrive 15-20 minutes early. On other days, I’d be forced to take the half-hourly city bus and cross my fingers. Upon arrival, I’d chitchat with coworkers and dive into whatever I had to do before Raw coverage. One of the big perks of interning with WWE is access to early and final drafts of scripts (I printed many for my private collection, but have never shared them out of respect for the company).

Tuesdays were interesting and busy. As always, it would start with a cup of coffee and a chat with coworkers in the action figure adorned cubicles while waiting for our computers to start up. We would then read the list of e-mails and I’d hit the bullet points for main stories up on the whiteboard. Shortly after, the content team would assemble into the conference room for a post-Raw meeting where we would pitch ideas based on events that occurred the previous night. After the meeting, I’d grab another cup of Joe and create whatever content was assigned to me for the day. At the end of my shift, I’d head down the hallway to the company gym – which is the size of a small Blink Fitness or local facility that screams 1988. It was here I would sporadically train with Mike – Vince McMahon’s personal trainer. Mike is one of the nicest and most humble people I’ve ever met and easily the most jacked. It was hard to tell what was and wasn’t muscle but knowing Vince, it was probably a requirement. After intense workouts, I’d head to the shuttle bus (if I was on time), hit the train to Tim’s and hang out with him and Deb.

Wednesdays was a bit more of the same, but the office would begin to dress up as figureheads were arriving to round out the week since all televised programming was finished until Monday (with the exception of monthly Pay-Per-Views). Content would have a weekly meeting concerning highlights and improvement areas while Creative would meet for the bulk of the day in a separate conference room on the same floor. On occasion I would run into tag team legends Brian James (better known as the New Age Outlaws “Road Dogg”) and Michael “P.S.” Hayes of the Fabulous Freebirds. During the afternoon, I’d meet with Tello to discuss my progress and the knowledge I had obtained. After my regimen I’d say my goodbyes, explore Stamford and head home to a very temporary job I disliked (fun fact: Key Food fired me on the Fourth of July after the deli manager tampered with my schedule, didn’t tell me and pretended I no-showed. I took it in stride, but would have preferred to have quit on my own after my internship expired. After non-stop work 28 days in a row, I was now technically unemployed).

Side note: To take a gig with WWE Creative requires an unparalleled iron will. This cannot be taught or learned. Positions rotate constantly for various reasons. If you have no prior knowledge of WWE or only view this as a resume booster you should apply for something else. Creative is not “just a job,” it’s a lifestyle.

Roughly a month after my unceremonious ties were severed with Key Food’s deli, my internship was set to expire. Throughout the remaining weeks of my internship, Tello and I would set up meetings with heads of different departments to help me attain a better grasp of how the company runs as a whole. While I wish I had recorded said meetings with Big Red, my trusty mp3 player and beloved recording device; I always had a small notebook where I jotted down every piece of information I could until my hands cramped up (tip for aspiring musicians/journalists: always stretch your hands). To quote journalism legend Mark McSherry (the professor of the above mentioned magazine class), I “got my tuition.”

I still have that small notebook.

Chapter Four: The “Dusty” Finish

My internship was expiring in a week and I didn’t want to go. I felt I had some sort of unfinished business to take care of, since my requests to cover live events and Pay-Per-Views were rejected by higher ups (though Tello fought for me). SummerSlam, one of WWE”s biggest and oldest events was two weeks after my internship expired. During one of our final meetings, I  pitched covering SummerSlam in the building with the rest of the staff to see how it’s done since it was improbable that the company would fly me to Los Angeles, California where the event was being held. Tello approved and I felt a rare sense of importance.

The week before the internship expired, Human Resources arranged an intern only event with the Boys and Girls Club of Stamford. While it was fun schmoozing with the interns and participating in activities, I would have rather have been grinding it out in the office (plus, the kids thought they’d be hanging out with WWE Superstars instead of interns).

My last official week was bittersweet. While I finally was able to interactively participate in and manipulate an episode of WWE SuperStars (one of the smaller shows) via the then very new WWE App, I was unable to transcribe an interview with former Superstar and gigantic actor Kurrgan due to the Stamford bus and New York bound Metro North’s schedules; putting the only loss in my assignment completion column (much like The Undertaker’s WrestleMania record).

Two weeks later, my family and I had our traditional Italian Sunday dinner and I bolted to Stamford like a bat out of hell, for I’d be gone until the morning came. Unfortunately, Buetra beat me to it – making sure I had forgotten my key card and that IT ignored the sign on my desk and deleted my account.

It was WWE’s biggest party of the summer and my invitation got lost in the mail.

While I played the best hand with the cards I was given, I couldn’t quite shake off my questionable luck and was off balance with my tasks. Needless to say, I was not pleased with my performance. There is no doubt that Buetra was laughing manically on WWE’s roof (joke’s on him, I graduated the following year).

After a handful of apologies, handshakes, thank you’s and goodbyes, my arranged car was ready to take me home. I grabbed my gear, basked in the moment and shook Andre’s titanic golden hand for the last time.

 

Manopera! Episode 9: Chris & Frank Predict the 2016 Royal Rumble Winner

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Chris and Frank make their bold predictions for the 2016 Royal Rumble winner and possible WrestleMania storylines that could (and should) follow as well as discussing their top five favorite (and least favorite) Rumble matches of all time.

 

Solving the Bray Wyatt Problem

 

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The story of WWE’s Bray Wyatt is troubling.

When he debuted on the main roster in 2013, he was considered the next big star. His promos were incredible, his wrestling abilities were above average for men of his size and his faction carried a following. Wyatt was very over initially because he was very into his character.  While his first feud with Kane was mediocre at best, fans looked past it and have mostly forgotten it as the flash-in-the-pan as it was because of confusion surrounding the booking and at least Wyatt defeated The Demon.

Over the next eight months, The Eater of Worlds was sparingly used while his family did the dirty work for him, cutting electric promos in the wake of destruction. His feuds with Daniel Bryan and The Shield were amazing and elevated The Wyatt Family to the degree everyone hoped. It seemed Wyatt was poised to become the top heel by the end of 2014.

Until his horrendous feud with John Cena reared its ugly head.

Wyatt cut weeks of brilliant promos only to once again become another obstacle for “Big Match John” to shrug off and overcome like he always does. Wyatts matches with Cena were very one-sided and did not elevate either talent. The only match Wyatt wound up winning was a cage match at Extreme Rules 2014 thanks to the help of a questionably possessed child.

You read that right.

While Cena went on to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, the rest of Wyatt’s 2014 resulted in very meaningless midcard feuds with Chris Jericho, Ryback and R-Truth (this isn’t a jab at the talents Wyatt was working with, the problem is that WWE has made it very clear over the past few years that these are the “we have nothing for you” feuds with the exception of Jericho; who returns simply to put others over – which is a very nice but overused gesture). He also dissolved his stable for unknown and illogical reasons. It looked as if Wyatt was on the rise when he feuded with fan favorite Dean Ambrose, but sadly creative dropped the ball yet again when Wyatt became victorious thanks to a TV that exploded at random in an otherwise good match.

2015 was no different. Wyatt feuded with The Undertaker and Roman Reigns on multiple occasions but sadly never went over and wound up looking like a false prophet rather than “The New Face of Fear” he claims himself to be. Even after reforming his faction and adding a powerhouse in Braun Strowman, Wyatt continued to look like a joke due to poor booking. Although Wyatt did round out the year by defeating the ECW Originals team consisting of The Dudley Boyz, Rhyno and Tommy Dreamer, no one seemed to care because all of these men were in their 40’s and it would have not been believable otherwise (which is the main reason why Wyatt’s Undertaker feud may have done Wyatt more harm than good).

Not only did Wyatt lose most of his big matches in 2015, but he was booked into a horrific routine. Wyatt would come out, cut a cryptic promo, send his family out to attack whoever he was feuding with, lose the big match and then act as if nothing happened the following night. The few times he did win, it was made obvious. Wyatt has been booked so badly into oblivion that it seems that he may wind up as a comedic face in the near future.

The 2016 Royal Rumble has the potential to 180 Wyatt’s problematic situation.

Being that the WWE World Heavyweight Championship is on the line, WWE would be wise to have Wyatt hold the gold at the end of the 30 man Battle Royal.

Have Wyatt enter at some point in the middle but not officially enter the ring until all four members are in the match at the same time. Wyatt moves along with his pawns and the entire faction lays waste to the entire locker room. The final eight participants should look like Roman Reigns, Brock Lesnar, a returning Triple H (or Jericho), Ambrose and the Wyatt Family. Have everyone go to town for a good 10 minutes before the only participants left are Reigns and the Wyatts. Have Reigns try as hard as he can to build sympathy but unable to leave with his championship due to the Wyatts numbers. Once Wyatt (and ONLY Wyatt) eliminates Reigns, Wyatts cronies Luke Harper, Erick Rowan and Strowman sacrifice themselves for their leader and new WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

While the downside would rekindle a feud we’ve already seen, the upshot could be fantastic if Wyatt were booked and treated as a legitimate threat going into WrestleMania.

Enter Lesnar, who is furious at his Rumble loss. Have him challenge Wyatt at Fastlane and have Wyatt go over convincingly (clean or not). Lesnar has been booked so well since his return to WWE that anyone beating him who’s name isn’t John Cena will look like a monster. Wyatt can also use the fact the he’s beaten the man who beat The Streak in his promos against Reigns to increase credibility.

When ‘Mania does indeed come Reigns should go over because he should legitimately be over with the fans. Wyatt’s defeat of Lesnar should be enough to suspend even the smarkiest fans disbelief long enough for his match with Reigns to have that “big fight” feel. During this match, it is essential that Wyatt defends his championship alone. Keep the remaining members of the Wyatt Family out.

Let the two heavyweights go at it in an epic war and Wyatt will stay over.

With a talent so charismatic, it’s a shock that WWE has stunted Wyatt’s growth as a main event player as much as it has in such a short while. With a literal golden opportunity on their hands, it’d be a shame if Wyatt isn’t utilized to his full potential in the coming weeks.

Wyatt is not only on the Road to WrestleMania, but redemption as well.

 

 

Spaceman Frank’s Survivor Series 2015 Predictions

 

By Frank Lucci

Survivor Series was once one of only four Pay-Per-View events the WWE (then WWF) put on per year. With the unique elimination tag team setup, Survivor Series became a must-see Thanksgiving event.

However, with Money in the Bank supplanting Survivor Series in importance the event has struggled to live up to it’s own reputation.

With last year’s Team Cena vs Team Authority main event (and the debut of Sting) helping breathe life into the PPV, this year’s edition of Survivor Series seeks to up the ante with a celebration of The Undertaker’s 25 year career and the crowning of a WWE World Heavyweight Champion after Seth Rollins’ knee had enough of wrestling Kane and promptly  self-destructed.

But with WWE’s uneven booking, even these high-profile events have felt fairly lackluster and the mid and lower card matches faring even worse. With that in mind, here are Spaceman Frank’s Survivor Series 2015 predictions.

Traditional Survivor Series 5 on 5 Tag Team Elimination Match (Who the Fuck Knows vs. Are We Supposed to Even Care?)

The WWE has announced a traditional Survivor Series match for this event but has given zero clues as to who will be involved, thus making this a clear time waster for a PPV.

If I had to wager a guess I would say this will be a face versus heel match that means fuck all but will be entertaining with the right talent involved.

My dream scenario is The New Day (who appear to be not defending their Tag Team Titles on the show) teaming with Sheamus (again, who has nothing going on despite being Mr. Money in the Bank) and King Barrett taking on Cesaro, Neville, The Dudley Boyz and Ryback. Regardless of who are on these teams, considering how little build this match has gotten expect the faces to win.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Tyler Breeze (with Summer Rae)

A natural pair of rivals, this match will hopefully serve as an impressive PPV debut for Breeze, who could use a win after losing to Ambrose in the Deadly Games 2: Electric Boogaloo tournament. Hopefully WWE writers have learned from NXT that an aggressive Breeze is the best Breeze and have Prince Pretty take it to Dolph and pick up the win. With Summer Rae having feuded with Ziggler in the past (and seeing his junk) it makes sense for her to help get Breeze a win that kick starts a feud that goes smoother than Ziggler vs Rusev did.

Charlotte (c) vs. Paige (Divas Championship Match)

First off, this match has been overshadowed by the controversial segment that finished the go-home edition of Raw where Reid Flair’s untimely death was brought up. While I personally have nothing against bringing a wrestler’s personal life into a storyline if they and their family is fine with it, this does not look like the case here. Both Ric Flair and Reid’s mother have said they were not aware Reid’s death would be put into the story, which is a major oversight of Charlotte and the WWE’s part.

It should also be noted however that Charlotte has been very vocal in different interviews and WWE programming that it was Reid that convinced her to try pro wrestling and considers her career a tribute to her late brother; so perhaps it should be less shocking to fans that he was mentioned on Raw. Jim Ross pointed out on his website this has lead to people talking about Reid Flair and not Charlotte versus Paige.

As for the actual match between the two, I see Paige upsetting the champ and winning the belt. Although Charlotte has been wrestling very well since coming to the main roster, she seems to be uncomfortable with the title and spotlight on her and may need to spend more time as challenger than champion.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament

Roman Reigns vs. Alberto Del Rio w/ Zeb Colter (Semifinal)

Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose (Semifinal)

Rather than predict the two semifinal matches separately I’ve decided to lump them together because the outcomes seem fairly obvious.

Long story short: Reigns looks destined to be champ and Del Rio already has the Gob Bluth “I’ve made a huge mistake” look in his eyes. Reigns wins and hopefully nukes Mexamerica out of existence.

As for Owens vs. Ambrose (which should be match of the night), as tempting as it is to say Owens gets the sneaky win for a heel vs. face final; it’s extremely unlikely. Owens already has the Intercontinental Championship and can serve as the de facto top heel of the company – but only if there is no heel turn to end the night. Which brings us to…

Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose (Tournament Final for Deadly Game 2: Electric Boogaloo)

It seems clear from the moment the WWE revealed the bracket for the tournament this match would be destined for the final.

Hell, if not for Kalisto’s upset win over Ryback most would still have a perfect bracket.

That being said, who walks out champ is a much murkier outcome.

Will Vince insist that Reigns, tall, dark and handsome as he is, walks out as a babyface champ? Will the WWE realize that nobody is going to pick Reigns over Ambrose (considering Reigns was literally handed the belt by Triple H before the tournament started while Ambrose has served as Reign’s second banana since the summer and makes for a much more interesting underdog babyface story)? Will Ambrose turn heel? Will Reigns turn heel? Will Paul Heyman show up regardless of winner and declare that Brock Lesnar will challenge for the title? Will John Cena burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man to remind everyone that you can’t be the man until you beat the man? Will Big Show ruin everything like he always does? Will Triple H just say “Fuck it” and declare himself champ? Will the WWE go back to the well and have a legend show up to save the day? Is that legend Rick Steiner?? BY GAWD MAGGLE WHO KNOWS!!!

…But seriously it is probably going to be Reigns and we will have to accept that.

The Brothers of Destruction (The Undertaker and Kane) vs. Two Members of The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman)

What could have been all of the Wyatt Family taking on two legendary figures and two guys who get instant credibility by standing with them somehow got turned into a normal tag match.

This is better how?

With ‘Taker and Kane’s combined 98 years of age having to take on Wyatt and the big-ass strongman this figures to be a “methodical” (i.e. slow) match. The crowd will be into it because The Undertaker is actually wrestling on two PPV’s in a row, but what was a easy layup for WWE creative has been fucked up by a combination of lazy writing and the fact that FOR FUCK’S SAKE IT’S SURVIVOR SERIES PEOPLE EXPECT A TEAM ELIMINATION MATCH.

Hopefully the Wyatt’s win because we have yet to see Strowman do much besides stand around and Bray simply can’t keep getting pinned by every babyface on the roster. Plus if Taker (and also Kane) are truly retiring soon, then they owe it to the WWE to actually put over somebody who works for the company full time.  If they can’t be bothered to find two worthy wrestlers to team with, then they can lay down for two wrestlers who can use their rub.

Manopera! Episode 5: Harry Potter Does Not Suck & The Return of the Deadly Game Tournament

manopera

Chris and Frank discuss the WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament, missed booking opportunities for The Undertaker and Bray Wyatt, Rhonda Rousey vs. Holly Holm and speculate WrestleMania 32.

Spaceman Frank’s WWE Hell in a Cell 2015 Predictions

By Frank Lucci

Hell in a Cell 2015 promises to be one of the more memorable pay per views of the year, but for all the wrong reasons.

What should have been a stacked card that has been built up expertly over several weeks  has turned into a plate of hot garbage. The WWE has managed to waste appearances by Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels and Stone Cold Steve Austin (side note: HOW THE HELL DO YOU BOTCH STONE COLD’S RETURN?) and filled the top matches with aging superstars instead of the hot young talent who WWE can’t even be bothered to come up with feuds for despite having around seven hours of weekly programming to fill.

Despite all this, there are a few matches with potential on the card that should give fans something to cheer for. Here are the predictions for Hell in a Cell 2015.

Preshow Match: Dolph Ziggler, Cesaro and Neville vs. Rusev, Sheamus and King Barrett.

This match was originally supposed to Randy Orton and Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper and Braun Strowman, but apparently Orton has hurt his shoulder (again) and Harper was removed from the card because of a family situation (wish him the best). Harper lives in the same suburb of Rochester as me, so this slight is unforgivable. Anyway, this match features six men who have nothing going for them unless you count being Mr. Money in the Bank, a former world champ or being european as something.

Given time this could be a great match, but it will most likely be a ten minute snorefest as JBL yells about Mountain Dew and Premier League Futbol. The face team will pull out the victory because Rusev needs to be punished for having his fiance’ be excited they are getting married instead of keeping that shit on lockdown and Barrett and Sheamus aren’t allowed to have nice things in general.

Kevin Owens (C) vs. Ryback (Intercontinental Championship Match)

Vince McMahon most likely booked this match during his play time where he smashed the two superstars action figures together like a five year old before realizing he could make this happen in real-life.

WWE had a chance to develop this feud after Owens won the title by cheating but instead they just had these two bounce around aimlessly. With no added stipulations to raise the stakes, expect Owens to cheat again to win to show how despicable he is in a lackluster hoss fight.

John Cena (C) vs. TBD (US Championship Open Challenge)

I can see Cena’s match breaking down in three ways:

1. Newly called up wrestler Tyler Breeze answers the challenge and sneakily wins the championship from Cena to give Breeze some much needed rub considering his NXT run ended with him losing over and over again at Takeover specials. Perhaps Breeze could hit Cena with the “Beauty Shot” or the “Unprettier” and injure Cena’s nose again to get the victory. On Raw the hurting Cena could be taken out by Lesnar or some other force so he can take his time off and have  feuds ready to go.

2. The New Day shows up and use their numbers game to take down Cena and give Xavier Woods a championship (as he is on the sideline for their title defenses 90% of the time.) Then The New Day could get some real heel heat by dismantling Cena and knocking him out of action so they get more boos from the WWE target audience of children. Then when Cena comes back he can heroically overcome the odds yet again (despite almost never losing a single match) because BIG MATCH JOHN MAGGLE.

3. Dolph Ziggler challenges and beats Cena for the championship using some less than heroic tactics. Ziggler goes full heel the next night which leads to Cena being taken out for his vacation. This ties into the “Total Divas” storyline and allows Ziggler to take on some fresh opponents. No matter what, I expect Cena to lose (if you couldn’t tell).

The New Day (C) vs. The Dudley Boyz (WWE Tag Team Championship)

The WWE had several chances to put the titles on the Dudley Boyz. The forgettable Madison Square Garden show, for example.  But instead had The New Day repeatedly disqualify themselves to keep the titles. This is good heel tactics, but at least point switching the championships would be fairly anticlimactic.

With the Dudley Boyz once again getting a rematch with no added stipulations, The New Day will likely win, Xavier Woods will get destroyed afterwards, and the tag team division will keep spinning it’s wheels.

Charlotte (C) vs. Nikki Bella (Divas Championship Match)

With the Divas Revolution quickly losing steam, Charlotte (and by extension, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks) need to do something to capture the magic that the NXT women’s division has. Feuds with Team Bella is not the solution. Charlotte wins, Nikki films an episode of “Total Divas” about how sad she is about it, and the WWE gives Sasha Banks (who clearly is the fan’s choice for favorite new Diva) a shot (and maybe gives Becky Lynch something to do besides hang out with Ric Flair at ringside to cheer her bestie on).

Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt (Hell in a Cell Match)

This feud started out promising, but overall the Reigns vs. Wyatt program has shown how far behind Reigns is compared to Wyatt and his BFF Ambrose. BUT HE’S TALL AND TAN BY GAWD so now we’re stuck with him.

Wyatt has attempted to keep people engaged with this feud by delivering his signature promos, but after three months of his “anyone but you” schtick it is time for this to end.

By the way, nice of Wyatt to summarize the internet’s feelings about Reigns and help us feud with him by proxy. Reigns did his best to get us emotionally invested in him with his infamous “I’m doing this for, like, my family and stuff” promo, which only went to show how much better Wyatt is as a talker and how much more natural charisma Ambrose has. At the go home Raw, the WWE then tried to get people hyped by bringing out Ric Flair. Instead, Flair puttered around the ring and said Reign’s name to try and get the crowd to pop.

I guess it was better than Flair bursting into tears every time Charlotte wrestles.

With rumors of Reigns winning the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania circling again, Wyatt will lose this match as he always does, then find another guy we hope he will defeat and gain momentum, but ultimately end up jobbing to.

Seth Rollins (C) vs. Kane (World Heavyweight Championship Match)

Does anyone else feel like this will be the bathroom break match between Hell in a Cell matches? The Corporate Kane/Demon Kane thing is kinda funny, kinda meta, but does not belong anywhere near the championship picture. Have this be a random offshoot of an Authority storyline, but not something involving Rollins, who goes from wrestling AARP Sting to wrestling a 48 year-old guy who is an honest to God grandfather.

Can we get this guy a challenger who works full time on the roster and is under the age of 40?

Another side note to this feud: way to bring out Shawn Michaels to bury the champ and eat some kids pizza (which probably cost $8).

Rollins vs HBK would be a bonkers match but it will never happen and Michaels did not seem to care much about selling people on Rollins or his match.

Another legend wasted.

Please let this be a swan song for Kane, who deserves to bow out in a decent match for all he has done for the WWE over the years. While he should not be gunning for the championship, he should have a nice moment to close his career out and transition to becoming HR Representative Kane to counter The Authority’s thuggish tactics.

Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell Match)

WHO’S READY FOR SOME TORTURE PORN???

Seriously though, I fear for the Undertaker in this match. The guy had a massive concussion (which by the way, never stopped him from competing while Daniel Bryan continues to sit out) after WrestleMania 30, then collapsed after his match with Lesnar at Summerslam.

Clearly the guy cannot hang with Lesnar anymore and should not be doing this. Any enjoyment to be had will be mixed with the feeling that Undertaker can be legit hurt at any moment (I know the point of Hell in a Cell matches is to be dangerous and violent, but at some point you need to step in and say enough is enough).

Brock wins, Undertaker has his big retirement hoopla in Dallas at WrestleMania 32 and rides off into the sunset. Personally, I’d like to see ‘Taker vs Bo Dallas in a easy squash at ‘Mania so the crowd can watch the legend take a bow and not worry about whether he can walk on his own power after the match.

#DallasinDallas people make it happen!

Manopera – Episode 2: Suplexes and Scandals

manopera

Mr. Bonesaw and Spaceman Frank chat about the recent incidents regarding the Jimmy Snuka murder trial, Zahra Schreiber’s inappropriate photo, and the build to WWE Night of Champions so far in the second installment of this podcast.