All posts by Chris Butera

Chris Butera enjoys going to metal concerts, reading and having a cold one with friends.
Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s WWE Battleground 2016 Predictions

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by Frank Lucci

WWE Battleground 2016 is the first Pay-Per-View in the brand split 2.0 and the event promises to be…interesting, to say the least.

By booking every matchup before the draft, what was once considered a dream card is now a jumbled mess. With many opponents now on different brands, the WWE has given off the impression that they don’t know what they’re doing with the new rosters – which is definitely not where they want to be going into SummerSlam. There are no bad matches on the card, per se, but the company has given fans little reason to care. Spaceman Frank is here to sort out the mess and predict the results of Battleground 2016.

The Miz (c) w/ Maryse vs. Darren Young w/ Bob Backlund (Intercontinental Championship match)

Darren Young has finally returned to television with the ageless Bob Backlund as his manager by winning a battle royal in baffling fashion to earn his shot at The Miz’ Intercontinental Championship and if he wins, the title will be moving from SmackDown Live to Raw.

After a series of great title defenses from The Miz featuring some of WWE’s top talent, Young is a step down  by default. Unless the WWE plans on swapping the Intercontinental and United States Championships to different shows, there’s no reason for The Miz to cut short his great run as a d-bag champ.

Rusev (c) w/ Lana vs. Zack Ryder (United States Championship match)

The build has been slightly better for this match than the Intercontinental Championship match, with Rusev being a bully by accepting Ryders challenge after a sneak attack on the Long Island native. But once again, unless the titles are switching shows there is no way Rusev loses to the guy he has squashed repeatedly.

Becky Lynch vs. Natalya

The two new SmackDown! Divas are set to settle their differences at Battleground and the booking has mirrored the Zayn/Owens feud sans the massive amount of history and several match of the year candidates to back them up.

Build aside, if these two operate at their full potential they should be able to pull of a great match; although it’s bittersweet to settle a feud like this without a title involved. Natalya wins because she is overdue to win a feud after her series with Charlotte and can now cheat to go full-heel on the loveable Lass Kicker.

The New Day (c) vs. The Wyatt Family

This match (which is not for the Tag Team Championships) has been all about The Wyatts scaring Xavier Woods as well as the audience with their Final Deletion ripoff. The New Day survived the draft intact, while The Wyatts will split with Bray and Erick Rowan on Smackdown and powerhouse Braun Strowman on Raw (no word on my boy Luke Harper).

Since The New Day are still champs, they will win this match so they can stay strong while the WWE finds them a new team for them to feud with but not face for the titles.

Sasha Banks and TBD vs. Charlotte (c) and Dana Brooke

This showcase for the Raw women’s division has some buzz around it as people speculate who will be the mystery partner for Banks. Many are clamoring for Bailey to make her long awaited jump to the main roster, but it wouldn’t make sense for her to make her debut without being drafted beforehand.

I see the recently called up Nia Jax forming a team with Banks to give the newcomer a big boost right out the gate. Indeed, Banks and Jax will win the match so both can be contenders for Charlotte’s championship – whenever she gets around to defending it, that is.

John Cena, Enzo and Cass vs. The Club

The battle of divided teams sees Cena giving the rub to Enzo and Cass before he retreats to Smackdown Live versus The Club, who will be without A.J. Styles on Raw (although their New Japan pal and original Bullet Club leader Finn Balor will be waiting in the wings for them on Monday nights).

I see this match as a way to set up two different matches for SummerSlam: the most likely rematch between Cena and Styles and the logical Enzo and Cass vs.The Club. Since this is a tag match featuring Cena, I see him getting the win for his team by jobbing out one of the members of the Club (looking at you, Anderson) before a big beatdown to  set up the future matches.

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

The alleged “final match” between these bitter rivals is set to be one of the best matches of the night and is easily one of the best built matches on the card as well. However, the WWE still managed to throw a few wrenches into this feud by having both men on the same show post-draft, meaning it is highly unlikely this is the actual “last match” for these two.

On a minor note, having this be a plain old singles match like the one they had at Payback instead of a No-DQ stipulation means this lacks the finality required for this feud. Since Zayn was drafted much higher than Owens and he has generally been on the losing end of the feud he will win out in the (so-called) end.

Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns (WWE Championship match)

The dream match that has been derailed by poor booking and suspensions has an extra wrinkle with the brand split. Ambrose is the sole SmackDown! competitor and as the champ, he seems to have an advantage over the other two wrestlers. Rollins meanwhile, has been doing fantastic in his role of the scorned former champion who resents the so-called cheater Ambrose. In addition, he successfully navigated the Reigns dilemma by addressing it and trashing Reigns as only Rollins can.

The big problem here is the rumors that Rollins will win the title and feud with Reigns, who fans have turned against even more due to his suspension. Ambrose deserves a real shot with the belt and with Raw in need of a top championship this match will end with a screwball finish that leaves Ambrose as champ for the blue brand so Rollins and Reigns can have a separate feud for a new heavyweight championship on Raw.

Music, Podcast

Bonesaw Podcast: Episode 37 – Shawn Knight of Child Bite

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Generating pools of video blood, sweat and tears it’s Shawn Knight of Child Bite. Knight sits down to talk music, business and more as he opens our eyes and ears to the wild life of Child Bite.

Pro Wrestling

WCPW Loaded Episode 4: A Build to Destroy

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by Frank Lucci

WCPW returns with their fourth episode, the go-home show before their big “Built to Destroy” event next week; which seeks to  to crown the first WCPW Heavyweight Champion and the debut of former WWE Superstar Damien Sandow.

How will this installment fare with all the focus on next week? Let’s find out.

Episode four is the shortest yet, clocking in at a few minutes shy of 70. The show consists of only four segments; and as last week Adam Blampied is on commentary again with King Ross and the production continues to get better. They even have clips from the previous installment (it’s like I’m watching Raw from 1995!). All they need to do is speed up the entrances and they’ll have it all down.

Segment I: Gabriel Kidd vs. Drake

Adam Pacitti is out to make a few announcements, one of which is making a Primate vs. “Iron Man” Joe Coffey No Disqualification match for Built to Destroy.

Prince Ameen’s music plays for Gabriel Kidd’s entrance which is the most interesting thing he’s done so far. Drake is labeled as a “Gimmick Killer” who is here simply just to wrestle. Ameen begins the match by constantly shouting advice to Kidd, who eventually gets peeved at the Prince. Drake takes advantage of Kidd yelling at Ameen to win the short match that’s more about furthering the Ameen/Kidd storyline. Pacitti then comes out to declare a Built to Destroy match between the two where the loser becomes the winner’s slave. A decent way to kick things off.

Segment II: Prince Ameen vs. El Ligero vs. Martin Kirby

Pacitti makes this match at the end of the previous video. True story: El Ligero is billed from Los Santos, Mexico; which a) does not exist and b) is, in fact, the city from Grand Theft Auto 5. Kirby attacks his rival before Ameen tries to charge, being tossed outside for his efforts. Ligero’s in charge until Kirby trips him up and the heels team on up the babyface. Ligero botches a double-team suplex reversal, but recovers quickly – hitting a great enziguri. The masked luchador (whose name means “light” as in lightweight)  takes advantage of the heels bickering to regain control.

The finish comes when Ameen tries convincing Kidd to hit Ligero, only for Kidd to slap him (poorly) and Kirby to get a rollup pin. Kirby celebrates, but Ligero hits the tornado DDT and pins his rival to get the win. I’m guessing all Triple Threat matches in WCPW are elimination style, but the announcers forgot to mention that.

Kirby is once again upset with El Ligero and challenges him to a rematch with increasingly crazy stipulations. Examples include a Mask vs. Hair match (although Kirby looks like he has zero hair anywhere on his body), a Hog Pen match, and a pillow fight. Commissioner Pacitti (who really earns his paycheck this episode) makes the rematch official – with the loser either having to wear a dress (Kirby) or unmasking (El Ligero).

The first announcer segment of the night has King Ross and Adam Blampied do some decent albeit unmemorable banter to sell the recently made Built to Destroy matches.

Segment III: Noam Dar vs. Joseph Conners

Conners is out first and I really appreciate how snappy this episode is in terms of getting to the action. Gone are the dumb backstage segments with poor audio to slow things down. Everything takes place in the ring to Loaded’s benefit. Connors’ theme song is by Shattered Skies, an awesome Irish band (now based in London), which gets big points with the Spaceman. “Local Hero” Joe Hendry comes out to support his buddy and commentary play up how Hendry is stealing the spotlight from his tag team partner (I like the announcers being aware of wrestling tropes whereas the WWE announcers have to play dumb to stuff like this). Dar comes out to his Star Wars inspired entrance (I really hope he gets to show this much personality in the WWE Cruiserweight Classic, but I feel like they will just boil his personality down to “Israeli Badass”).

Technical wrestling begins the match, which the crowd appreciates and Blampied calls King Ross a troll (which I love). Dar is crisp as usual and Conners is… less so. Eventually the two men trade pin attempts before Dar gets his Kneebar in. Conners taps in a short match that nevertheless is a good change of pace from the usual style of wrestling we see in WCPW. Video ends with Drake promising to get vicious for manager James R. Kennedy.

Segment IV: Big Damo & “Iron Man” Joe Coffey vs. Rampage Brown & The Primate

Stealing a page out of WWE’s booking style has two impromptu tag teams formed from separate rivalries coming together. More hype from Blampied and Ross for the Built to Destroy special before Blampied leaves his co-commentator to be with his client Rampage. Each wrestler gets an entrance, which eats up a solid chunk of time in this 20-minute video.

This is one of my big pet peeves, I really wish they’d edit down the entrances and allowed for more wrestling, or just have shorter videos in general. Ross claims that Rampage “Just likes to eat people for a living” (never change, King). The big hoss fight starts between Coffey and Rampage, which ends from a surprisingly nimble dropkick from Coffey. Coffey later hits a triangle crossbody from the second turnbuckle, which surprised the hell out me (almost spilled rum and coke on my computer).

The heels take control of Coffey and Primate bites his rival while having him in a headlock (brilliant). The heels seem to be more on the same page than the faces as both Coffey and Damo want to attack their respective opponents for Built to Destroy rather than win the match. Blampied calls for a Piledriver, but since Rampage doesn’t want to get banned from WCPW he is slow to do so. This gives Coffey the chance to put Rampage in a big swing/catapult to the corner spot to get some breathing room. Each man tag in their partners but Damo is the one who gets control of the match.

All four men begin brawling and knock out the referee, which can only mean one thing: it’s time for a Dusty Finish. This leads to Blampied and Primate’s manager Suzie to team up on Jack the Jobber for the dreaded “big slap,” but Jack avoids it and Suzie accidentally hits Blampied – who goes flying. A squad of refs try to separate the wrestlers with no success. Prospect and Kirby come out, but instead of restoring order they attack Big Damo. This brings out more faces and in another charge of Grand Theft Booking we have a big old fracas around the ring. Damo powerbombs Gracie onto some of the wrestlers by the ramp to close out the show, while overall solid is an obvious go-home show to set up Built to Destroy.

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s WWE Fantasy Draft

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by Frank Lucci

The WWE has finally released the rules for the WWE draft scheduled for the first edition of SmackDown! Live on July 19th, 2016. Long story short: Raw gets the first pick, Raw gets three picks for every two SmackDown! gets (due to the Monday show being an hour longer), tag teams count as one unit unless a GM wants just one member and each show gets 3 NXT picks.

Going with the assumed format of Raw/Smackdown/Raw/Smackdown/Raw/Raw for the order, here is Spaceman Frank’s mock WWE Draft with some explanations/fantasy booking to boot.

Author’s Note: I wrote this before the edition of Raw before the draft, so i’m assuming Dean Ambrose is still champ because please don’t take that away from us WWE I beg you! Also i’m assuming that the televised portion of the draft will be around 15 picks for Smackdown and 20 for Raw, but depending on how thing go it may be much shorter. Here’s to hoping they do a Network Special after Smackdown continuing the draft.

  1. Raw: Brock Lesnar – Since Brock is labeled officially eligible and he is coming off his (controversial) win at UFC 200 over Mark Hunt, Stephanie McMahon comes out and says, “Lesnar duh blah blah blah best for business” while JBL creams his pants yelling random facts about something possibly related to Lesnar that happened at least 30 years ago.
  1. SmackDown!: John Cena – Good guy Shane picks “The Face That Runs the Place.” Although working a lighter schedule, he’s still one of the most popular guys on the roster and can help work with the up and coming guys in a role similar to The Undertaker on the original brand split in 2005.
  1. Raw: Seth Rollins – Steph picks another “best for business” type person so JBL can shoot his load again. Even if he doesn’t win the WWE Championship at Battleground Rollins will most likely be in the running for whatever top title Raw gets heading into SummerSlam.
  1. SmackDown!: Dean Ambrose – The WWE Champion (hopefully) comes in at number four and gives a promo about how with Rollins now on a different show, he’s going to make sure he tears him to pieces at Battleground (because, you know, that’s still happening).
  1. Raw: Roman Reigns – With the other two members of The Shield drafted, Stephanie uses her first of two picks to grab Roman Reigns because the WWE loves symmetry like this; if only so Jerry Lawler has an easy to remember factoid to say between shotgunning cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart. Raw’s evil commissioner does the obvious “Oh nooooo somebody isn’t here, womp, womp” speech that Rollins has been doing before reminding us that Reigns beat her and her husband up at WrestleMania and vows to make his life hell. Or Reigns finally turns heel (but probably the first thing).

6. Raw: Charlotte – In order to push the Divas Revolution, Stephanie IMMEDIATELY does a 180 and turns face for a good minute or so. With her so-called “free pick,” she drafts Women’s Champion Charlotte. This would A) make the women look as important than the men, seeing as she is drafted before the Intercontinental, United States and Tag Team Champions, B) keep the whole Stephanie as women’s division advocate thing going and C) give much needed variety and content for the three-hour Raw so that they, you know, actually make those three hours entertaining.

  1. SmackDown!: A.J. Styles – I’m tempted to say at this point that Shane panics and picks another champion for his show, but since he already has the WWE Champ (and no heels so far) he goes with Styles. We see him celebrating with The Club backstage as all three are like, “Woo, we’re going to Smackdown!”
  1. Raw: Randy Orton – The last of the “God Tier” people on the roster, Stephanie picks her old champ from The Authority days (hopefully The Draft doesn’t bring this angle back and lets it die the quick death it deserves). This leaves Orton on the same roster as Lesnar, his SummerSlam opponent.
  1. SmackDown!: Rusev – Shane locks up his second singles champion to give The Blue Brand their championships. Rusev seems more like a SmackDown! guy over the flashier Miz and would be a good workhorse for Tuesday nights. Also, Lana goes to SmackDown! in the non-televised portion of the draft because the WWE already learned their lesson on splitting them up.
  1. Raw: The Miz – The Miz comes out and starts lashing out about what a travesty it is that he fell to number ten. He thinks he should have been number one and gives a big shouty promo about Hollywood A-List yadda yadda yadda.

11. Raw: The New Day – Stephanie figures she might as well lock up the last champions and picks The New Day. However, The Tag Titles will be defended on both shows, but the current champs will call Raw their home base. Similar thoughts to having the women on Raw for The New Day: they can eat up part of the three hours while making it actually worth watching.

12. SmackDown!: Samoa Joe – With all the champions and upper tier people chosen, Shane chooses at this time to continue his whole “New Era” schtick and makes the first NXT selection in Joe to a huge pop. Cut to the locker room and everyone has crapped their pants over potentially being a victim of Joe’s wrath. The camera lingers on A.J. Styles’ reaction because of their history (that WWE kinda-sorta acknowledges).

13. Raw: Bray Wyatt – Steph goes monster for monster with her brother and (rather nervously) picks Bray Wyatt. The Eater of Worlds comes out and creepily smiles at her to further freak her out as Triple H steps up to Wyatt, playing on their Royal Rumble interaction and maybe teasing a match in the future?

14. SmackDown!: Kevin Owens – KO gets drafted, does his KO thing by insulting everyone, tells Shane he’s glad all his daredevil antics left at least a few of his brain cells working and leaves.

15. Raw: Sasha Banks – Somebody reminds Steph that Charlotte needs somebody to wrestle on Raw and picks The Boss, because we all know the inevitable match between the two is coming at SummerSlam.

16. Raw: Finn Balor – Balor goes to Raw to another big pop to the crowd. Steph makes fun of Shane for stealing what would (presumably) be one of the cornerstones of his “New Era.” Backstace, The Club is happy for their boy finally being called up to the main roster.

17. SmackDown!: Cesaro – The Swiss Superman goes here because something, something, SmackDown! will be a wrestling show while JBL shrieks, “UPPERCUT PARTY MAGGLE” for no reason.

18. Raw: Sheamus – “Oh yeah, Sheamus is still a thing.”- Stephanie McMahon moments before drafting The Celtic Warrior.

19. SmackDown!: Sami Zayn – KO comes back out to flip out on Shane. He demands to be traded to Raw rather than have to deal with Zayn after their Battleground match. Things get heated and eventually an army of referees have to hold back KO from Zayn and Shane (I’m so excited for their match I have to stand in front of the fridge to cool down).

20. Raw: The Big Show – The Big Show literally eats a pick here before shuffling off to the back.

21. Raw: Chris Jericho – I’m tempted to put Jericho on SmackDown! as he seems more focused on working with younger guys, but given his part-time status and the fact that Cena already can fill that role more regularly he will be on Raw.

22. SmackDown!: Enzo and Cass – These two are constantly rumored for being split up in the draft, but considering people only take about four of the WWE tag teams seriously they need to stick together. The two act much like The New Day do on Raw: delivering fun promos and eating up time.

23. Raw: The Usos – At this point I see a run on tag teams to help fill in the rosters. The Usos stay on the show with their cousin because family and such.

24. Smackdown: Kalisto – I’m not sure if this counts as a tag team split, since Kalisto and Sin Cara are listed as singles competitors instead of the team they usually are. Nonetheless, Kalisto goes to Tuesdays just in case they start the Cruiserweight division up again.

25. Raw: Becky Lynch – I see Raw using these extra picks as a way to emphasize the women’s division while still making them feel tacked on. The Lass Kicker (side note: please give her a new nickname. I love Lynch, but there ‘s no way I go out in public with “Lass Kicker” written on my chest. Don’t need people thinking I hit women)  goes to Raw to continue her role as “early 90’s Sting” to the ladies.

26. Raw: The Club – A.J. is super upset his boys are leaving and they have a big bro hug. It’s a touching moment…interrupted by Finn Balor. The Club and Balor immediately partake in an even bigger bro hug and start “Too Sweet-ing” each other and go away laughing. This leaves Styles with a bit of sympathy for his inevitable babyface return and plants the seeds of a Balor heel turn with The Club.

27. SmackDown!: The Wyatt Family – I know all the Wyatts are listed as individual competitors but hear me out. Shane, realizing Raw has way more superstars than SmackDown!, makes a bold move and drafts Erick Rowan, Braun Strowman and Luke Harper. Rowan and Strowman come out followed by Harper, who at this point should be healed up enough from his knee injury to at least make an appearance. Harper goes on a tear and declares they don’t need Bray Wyatt and the three of them can take on anybody in the WWE. Honestly, I feel like the Wyatt Family is toxic for everyone involved due to their horrendous booking. Bray has his family eat loses for him on free TV while he loses nearly every Pay Per View feud he has. Time to split them up and let Bray run wild on Raw while Harper guides Rowan and Strowman in the tag team division. Everyone wins…hopefully.

28. Raw: Dolph Ziggler– My how Ziggler has fallen. Hopefully with the split roster he can get back on track.

29. Smackdown: Alberto Del Rio– See Dolph Ziggler.

30. Raw: Nikki Bella – With the show running out of top picks, Stephanie picks the former Divas Champion, who comes out looking classy with or without a neck brace. She reminds everyone that she is now officially the longest running Diva’s champ of all time thanks to the title being retired and that the only reason Charlotte beat her was because her neck wasn’t 100 percent. Even if Nikki does not return immediately they should address her status during the draft.

31. Raw: Darren Young – I would have had Young getting drafted off camera, but since he’s challenging for the Intercontinental Championship at Battleground he will probably show up here with Bob Backlund screaming inaudibly behind him.

32. SmackDown!: Zack Ryder – Same story as Darren Young, only for the United States title.

33. Raw: Nia Jax – With her second NXT pick Steph strengthens her women’s division with Jax, who (along with Balor) is frequently rumored for a call up.

34. SmackDown!: American Alpha – Shane uses his final (televised) pick on the hot NXT tag team, just in case you forgot that Shane and GM Daniel Bryan love you and want you to be happy.

35. Raw: Paige – Just to hammer home the Divas, here is Paige going to Raw.

As for the rest of the roster, here is where I see them going; along with the final NXT picks.

Raw: Baron Corbin, Demon Kane, Jack Swagger, Sin Cara, Titus O’Neil, Golden Truth, Shining Stars, The Vaudevillians, the rest of the women and Mojo Rawley (NXT call up).

SmackDown!: Apollo Crews, Mark Henry, Neville, Breezango, The Social Outcasts, The Ascension, The Dudley Boyz, Hideo Itami (NXT call up).

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank Calls The Final Deletion

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by Frank Lucci

The world sat in amazement as Matt and Jeff Hardy dropped the now infamous contract signing video for their Full Metal Mayhem match at TNA’s Slammiversary Pay-Per-View, but that proved not to be the final chapter in this feud.

For you see, “Broken” Matt Hardy challenged Brother Nero to another match – this time at the Hardy estate that would be shown on what turned out to be the most-watched episode of TNA Impact during their Pop TV run. What follows is 17 minutes of pure nonsense that Spaceman Frank cannot possibly ignore. This is….THE FINAL DELETION!

Like all good wrestling videos, this one begins at a children’s birthday party. The child in question is Maxel Hardy on his very first birthday, and parents “Broken” Matt and (probably not broken) Reby Sky celebrate with their admittedly cute baby. Constant scene stealer/gardner Senor Benjamin shows up to deliver with gift (an “EXTRAORDINARY” xylophone) and question Matt’s mental health.

We’re roughly two minutes in and already several quick questions arise. One: Why did they set up this elaborate birthday party when only three people showed up? Two: Every parent will tell you that musical gifts, while they seem like a good idea, become positively evil in the hands of a toddler (Good luck trying to do anything listening to that kid bang away on that xylophone for hours on end). And three: What’s with the El Generico balloon??? He’s helping orphans in Mexico, Matt!!! I know you’re broken but come on!

Reby Sky asks where Matt’s gift is (despite the big gift labeled “From Mommy and Daddy” right behind him). Rather than simply turn around and give the kid his present, Matt decides to answer by standing up and turning 90-degrees to face the camera instead of his spouse. He declares that his gift will be destroying the “evil enigma” Jeff Hardy and expunging him from the Hardy line. The broken one breaks the fourth wall to let everyone know they’re filming this so that it can be “documented for historical purposes.” He then orders Senor Benjamin to prepare the battlefield…FOR MASSACRE!

This is already better than Savage vs. Steamboat at ‘Mania III.

See?

Meanwhile, Jeff Hardy skips his nephew’s birthday party to make lawn art (Maybe that’s why Senor Benjamin turns on him later, bitter and enraged that Jeff does his own lawnscaping instead of hiring him. The tale of Senior Benjamin has many layers.) We get a faux-Terminator style filter and booping noises to let us know that a drone is looking for Jeff. Hilarious pause button jokes include labeling Jeff’s Twist of Fate as phony and his various aliases Jimmy Jack Tompkins and “The Masked Mountain” (Please let there be a story behind these names). It turns out there’s not just one drone but a whole fleet, but Jeff quickly takes them out with his trusty acoustic guitar.

So that’s where TNA’s budget went…

Matt Hardy goes full Sith Lord by showing up as a hologram on one of the drones to make the match official (Funny how the hologram conveniently shows up behind a blue wall so that it would be easier to edit in). Jeff gives chase to Vanguard 1 (the head drone) on a dirtbike, while Matt takes this opportunity to be a dick and destroy Jeff’s lawn art (For Senior Benjamin!). Fun fact: Number of words said by Jeff Hardy at this point in the video -six (“What the hell?” and “Oh Hell no!”).

TNA sneakily adds a few ads letting people know that Impact is moving to Thursdays (probably to counteract WWE SmackDown! going live on Tuesdays). These are pretty lame and interrupt the excellent action. Moving on.

Senor Benjamin is preparing the battlefield for the aforementioned massacre, which includes getting a garbage can full of fireworks and digging a big pit by himself. Sky shows up to once again as Matt arrives with gasoline to dump into the pit. She seems slightly turned on by Matt and Senior Benjamin’s murder conspiracy. True relationship goals right there.

Six minutes in and we finally get to the wrestling (almost). A confused referee drives up to the ring, which is where we find Matt playing a terribly out of tune violin to “summon” Brother Nero. Matt issues a DNR order on Jeff, which is probably not legally binding. More hot nonsense as Matt says the violin he has was given to him by Antonio Stradivari (who died in 1737). Jeff shows up, just as Matt “knew” would happen. Before we get to the actual action, here comes a shameless plug from “Cowboy” James Storm to remind us that Impact is moving (You know, in case your mind has collapsed watching this and forgot the previous ad a few minutes ago). I feel like Matt found an actual copy of Robert W. Chambers’ “The King in Yellow,” which would explain his madness and the quality of this feud.

The Final Deletion finally starts at around eight minutes in with a church bell instead of a ring bell, which is actually kind of cool. What follows is action on par with Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit, (just kidding, the in-ring action is so choppy it’s hard to even consider it a real wrestling match). Clubbing blows turn into a superplex by Jeff, who then grabs a flimsy piece of wicker fence to throw Matt into (Seriously, all the shit under the ring and you go for that? Unless the ivy on it is poison ivy…take notes, Peyton Royce). The wicker spot only gets a two count, with the ref giving the “metal horns” two count hand sign to signify how much this match”rocks.” Matt counters with a Twist of Fate which only gets a two, probably because there are still several more minutes of “historical documentation” to go. Kendo stick and ladder shots follow. Matt chokes his brother with the ladder while yelling “DELETE” over and over again.

Jeff eventually rallies by hitting his famous Twist of Fate/Take shirt off/Swanton Bomb combo, but it only gets a non-metal two. What follows is one of the most infamous spots of the match, where Jeff climbs a tree for an epic Swanton which….does not go well at all. He misses Matt and clips the ladder, which gets a solid dent in it from the impact from his spine (Definitely a big “oh shit” moment in between some laughable stuff. I’m guessing Jeff took a few minutes to rest between takes on that one). The big spot still only gets a two (even though the music became somber and everything). Matt recovers and brings out a fireworks cannon, blasting it at Jeff (and probably setting the lawn on fire). Jeff blocks the legit dangerous spot with a garbage can lid and finally breaks double digits in terms of words spoken (“What’s wrong with you??”).

After the smoke clears (you know, so they could keep shooting) Matt goes looking for Brother Nero. In my favorite spot of the match, Matt finally drops the accent (or accents, considering how often it changes) and drop yells “OH SHIT” when he realizes Jeff found the fireworks gun. Brother Nero shoots vaguely at Matt, who takes cover behind a dilapidated boat (I guess he’s too good for the trashcan lid).

The ref finally starts showing concern for the participants in the match by asking Jeff if he submits to a sleeper hold. Matt emerges first after they fall into a pond but in a shocking twist (of fate) Willow Emerges! Jeff’s alter ego attacks Matt’s neck with a flag and our ears with his high pitched shriek. Senor Benjamin, pissed that these two idiots burned up his precious lawn with fireworks, tasers Willow (Side note: wouldn’t this also cause Matt and Senor Benjamin to get shocked since they’re all standing in a pond?) After stumbling around Matt finds Willow and gets the three count but another shocking twist (of fate!!!) reveals that WILLOW IS SOMEHOW SENOR BENJAMIN!!!

At this point I expect somebody to say “Three minutes,” Eric Bischoff takes off his referee mask and Jamal and Rosey beat everyone up. Kind of like a certain infamous WWE segment that did nothing for any of the parties involved and angered the LGBT community in 2002.

Yes, that one.

Anyway, the pinfall doesn’t count and Jeff just kind of shows up again so they can fit in the gasoline pit spot. With the sun beginning to rise (and the crew tired and wanting to go home) Jeff climbs a giant Hardy symbol. Matt gets Maxel’s birthday candle from Reby and lights the structure on fire (which looks like it should have set Matt on fire too. Three cheers for continuity, people!) and Jeff…just kind of falls off. Matt is nice enough to move his brother away from the flames before scoring the victory. The broken one poses and the video ends.

While it’s easy to see why this video has gone viral, hopefully TNA doesn’t put out more of these. There’s no doubt The Final Deletion is entertaining, but it walks a fine line between “so bad it’s good” and “so bad TNA shuts down.” We’ve already seen WWE try to do the same thing with The Wyatts vs. The New Day with terrible results and I don’t trust TNA to strike lightning twice. The Hardys and TNA should celebrate this accomplishment, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be about wrestling – and the actual wrestling portions of this video are pretty godawful. Watch this video for a laugh, but please God don’t make this type of wrestling videos a thing. Stick to the stuff inside the squared circle.

Podcast, Pro Wrestling

Manopera! Episode 21: Balor, Nakamura and the Wyatt Family Deletion

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Chris and Spaceman Frank analyze the infamous “Final Deletion,” The Wyatt Family vs. The New Day, Nakamura and Finn Balor’s epic encounter and way more in a heavy-hitting podcast.

 

Pro Wrestling

WCPW Loaded Episode 3: Once, Twice, Three Times a Rampage

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by Frank Lucci

The third episode of WCPW Loaded is easily the strongest so far in terms of presentation.

The audio problems that plagued the first two episodes are finally gone and there are less backstage interviews slowing things down and more action in the ring. Unfortunately, the matches this week were not as strong; meaning that although WCPW is still on the rise, there are still a few kinks that need to be worked out.

Episode Three is a tighter episode. Clocking in at around 70 minutes,compared to the 90 minutes episode two ran. This is a good length for the show, and they save time by having less backstage interviews, commentary team segments and cutting some entrances down. I only wish they would further cut down some wrestlers entrances, as by the time matches get going sometimes you can be through a third of the video.

Also, Simon Miller is not on commentary this time around due to his real-life training to become a pro wrestler (I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he can’t compare to King Ross and his replacement for most of this episode Adam Blampied).

Segment I: Joe Hendry Calls Out Rampage Brown

“Local Hero” Joe Hendry is furious that he’s not in the WCPW Heavyweight Championship match after losing to Big Damo and brings up the good point that Brown didn’t have to beat anyone to get into the match. Therefore, Hendry wants to face Rampage for the number one contendership. This obviously brings out Brown and his manager Blampied, who accept and declare that Hendry will go from “Local Hero “to Rampage’s “Local Bitch” in a main event booking 101 segment that does exactly what it’s supposed to do.

Segment II: Primate vs. “Iron Man” Joe Coffey

Immediately we go to the entrances and The Primate (with his manager Suzie) comes out to his cool entrance music. Less cool is his cheap looking mask and Gene Simmons fake blood spitting spot. According to Blampied, Primate has a beard you could “set your watch to” (a mandatory Simpsons reference). Coffey comes out to his painfully obvious knockoff of Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” (which is still cool as the crowd lovingly sings the riff during his entrance).

As for the actual wrestling, this is a big hoss fight that ends when they brawl to the outside, tossing each other through the metal barricades. Primate then hits the Iron Man with a wrench for the DQ. Pretty generic stuff where part of the problem is that many of the WCPW wrestlers fit the same basic look. Both Primate and Coffey are big dudes with big beards and plain tights. Throw in Drake and Big Damo and you got four guys that are pretty interchangeable besides weight and haircut. Get some variety, fellas.

Segment III: Big Damo vs. Drake

Before the match Big Damo and his manager Jack the Jobber have a “shill the merch” spot, which is saved by Jack’s fear of Damo and the crowd being able to respond to the promo instead of just seeing these two talk in front of a green screen. Drake makes his way out and gets squashed by the big Irishman, who looks good heading into his championship match in a few weeks. Not much else to say here.

Segment IV: Prospect (Gracie and Archer) vs. Myers and Mercer

Another squash match shows Prospect (accompanied by manager James R. Kennedy) beating up two skinny guys. The crowd chants, “You are Butt Boys” at Prospect who manhandle the other tag team. Prospect are similar to NXT’s Blake and Murphy in that they are a respectable team with little personality, which is fine for now seeing as there are no other tag teams in WCPW to worry about (I imagine they will be drifting along for awhile).

Segment V: Martin Kirby vs. El Ligero

The third consecutive squash match has Kirby bring in an out of shape, fake El Ligero instead of the real one. King Ross attempts his best Jerry Lawler impression trying to sell everyone that this is the real Ligero with mixed results. Kirby beats up the imposter for a time – taunting him on the mic in the process. While this is a good heel tactic, the crowd quickly loses interest aside from starting up a “Fat Ligero” chant.

Eventually the real El Ligero sneaks into the match and rolls up Kirby for the win. When Kirby realizes what happened (far later than he should have since the true El Ligero is much smaller and was wearing both different colored trunks and mask – was the ref even paying attention?) he is upset and complains to no avail. An alright match but not much to get excited about here.

Segment VI: Rampage Brown vs. “Local Hero” Joe Hendry

King Ross is alone on commentary a la Joey Styles, as Blampied is with his main man Brown during the match. Hendry’s theme song (sung by the Local Hero himself, one of Spaceman Frank’s favorite gimmicks) is great, but hearing it in full twice during one show is too much. Ross puts over both men’s accomplishments, including Rampage’s brief stints in both WWE and TNA.

Hendry plays the plucky babyface here, which is odd considering he seems destined to be a cocky heel. Brown bludgeons his way through the match, until Hendry storms back. Despite his efforts, Hendry can’t get the three and a Blampied trip-up turns into a massive Rampage Samoan Drop for the win. Hendry looks sad in the ring as the show closes.

While the production of this episode was much better, having a match end in a DQ followed by three squash matches was a little tiring and the main event (while good) was nowhere near as exciting as Jay Lethal vs. El Ligero or Noam Dar vs. Rampage Brown from episode two. Episode three feels like filler as we wait for the big July 25 episode with the first-ever WCPW Championship match and EL Ligero eventually challenging for Lethal’s Ring of Honor World Title.

 

Gaming, Graphic Novels, Podcast, Random

F*ck Mondays! Episode 18: Pokemon Goes to UFC 200

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In great detail, Chris and Jon discuss UFC 200, the sensations and dangers of Pokemon Go, and goings on in the Marvel comic universe. Chris details his first Uber experience.

Music, Podcast

Bonesaw Podcast: Episode 36 – King Parrot’s Matt “Youngy” Young

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It’s time to grind with King Parrot’s maniac frontman Matt “Youngy” Young. Young chats about Game of Thrones, road life, past jobs and a whole lot more.

 

Pro Wrestling

WCPW Loaded Episode 2: The Rampage Continues

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by Frank Lucci

After a somewhat uneven debut episode, WCPW is back with their second edition of Loaded – featuring Ring of Honor Champion Jay Lethal.

Will the second episode top the first? Spaceman Frank is here with the answers.

Segment I: Intro/Adam Pacitti In-Ring Promo

Sadly, the previous episode’s audio problems still persist as the intro music is way too loud, commentators King Ross and Simon Miller are nearly perfect (albeit a little quiet) and backstage segments are…bad. It’s not the segments themselves, it’s the audio quality that make what could be great promos suffer.

Thankfully, WCPW keep to the Ross and Miller segment/match/backstage formula they used before so it is easy to skip ahead. In addition, some of the wrestler’s entrances can drag, especially when they take up precious minutes in these 15-30 minute videos.

Anyway, Pacitti informs everyone that due to the security guard’s neck being broken (receiving immediate smarky, “Bullshit” chants) by Rampage Brown last week that the piledriver is banned from WCPW. Pacitti hilariously adds that this is “just like other, less successful promotions,” drawing heavy cheers from the fans for the thinly veiled WWE reference. Backstage we get an Adam Blampied and Brown interview that does its job, but is forgettable.

Segment II: The Primate vs. Drake

King Ross has a piledriver protection helmet made of plastic (God, I love him).

Our first match features Drake (a generic looking wrestler with no hair and a beard) battling against The Primate (a larger generic looking wrestler with no hair and a larger beard). The Primate also has a female manager who is so forgettable I won’t mention her again. What we have here is a basic squash match that has The Primate throw Drake around until Drake gets a nasty cut behind the ear that bleeds quite a lot. One spear later and The Primate wins.

Afterwards we get multiple backstage interviews informing us that Prince Ameen will team with Gabriel Kidd tonight. Drake is enraged and encouraged to call out Big Damo by heel manager James R. Kennedy. In other seemingly unrelated news, both “Local Hero” Joe Hendry and Joseph Connors are also mad over their last week losses as well.

Segment III: Joe Hendry and Joseph Conners vs. Prince Ameen and Gabriel Kidd

Ross and Miller’s segment is cut short by another Conners/Hendry backstage segment where they talk about sticking together (which immediately makes me think one is turning on the other). If you watch this continuing from the previous video, that’s four interviews (including two in a row) from the same two people.

Going back to commentary, Ross accuses Miller of being a Trump supporter and a racist for not standing when Prince Ameen enters (which is way more entertaining than the previous four interviews). Hendry sings his own theme song and calls himself a “Global Hero.” Five stars.

We finally get this highly built tag team encounter nine minutes into the video. The faces work the crowd (making a big deal of tagging each other in and out when the crowd chants for it) and in general have a lot of spots concerning high-fives. This is fairly weird considering we got all those interviews about how serious each competitor was for this match. Conners gets worked over until Hendry gets the hot tag. The finish comes after the faces do a double backbreaker spot into Conners “Righteous Kill” DDT, but Hendry blind tags himself in to show dissension. While overall a nice match, this one gets bogged down by all the earlier interviews and it’s many comedy spots.

Segment IV: Ring Of Honor Champion Jay Lethal vs. El Ligero

Unlike the last video, Ross and Miller’s segment is mercifully short and we get to the match quickly – with the added intrigue of El Ligero receiving a future ROH title shot if victorious. El Ligero gets a good pop as does Lethal, who also gets “You are wrestling” chants from the crowd.

Opening with lots of fast-paced back and forth/feeling each other out spots that are pretty excellent, Lethal eventually takes over and mixes headlocks into some nice combination sequences; including a headlock takedown into a dropkick spot. It’s nice to see a champ enjoy himself and interact with the crowd, as Lethal gives several Macho Man “Oh yeahs” to the delight of the crowd.

El Ligero wrestles back control of the match with a quick reversal of a delayed vertical suplex into a hip-toss and cannonball spot on the apron to the floor. “Lucha Dragon” chants from some crass members of the crowd get boos from the respectful remainder. Several quick near-falls show how athletic both men are. The duty finish sees Martin Kirby attack both men, causing the match to end in no-contest.

Lethal puts over El Ligero and promises that regardless of the outcome, he will get a title shot at some point in the future. A great match with a disappointing finish that makes sense given Lethal’s status as a traveling champion from another promotion. This should have been the main event but there’s still the matter of crowning WCPW’s first world champion.

Another backstage interviews sees The Primate getting taunted by “Iron Man” Joe Coffey followed by more Rampage and Blampied bromance.

 

Segment V: Noam Dar vs. Rampage Brown

The main event sees the potential WCPW Champion versus the man who will be competing in the WWE Cruiserweight Classic (which is airing a “Bracketology” special tonight on the WWE Network).

The early portion of the match sees Brown imposing his will on Dar as he uses his speed to get out of potentially sticky situations, prompting the crowd to respond with several Star Wars inspired chants for the Israeli Icon. Brown gets firmer control of the match after pushing Dar off the apron into the security barrier. The crowd fires off some more creative chants before they get lazy and simply scream, “Fuck you, Rampage.”

Dar focuses on kicks to Rampage’s legs to try and take the big man down, but Brown manages to rally each time and beat the piss out of Dar. Dar begins laying into Brown pretty heavily and gets a kneebar/ankle lock style submission in, but Blampied causes a distraction so his man can break free. Blampied starts telling Rampage to hit the now-banned piledriver, but Dar turns it into a rollup for a near-fall. Rampage then powerbombs him into oblivion for the win. A solid match with good psychology and storytelling, but the Lethal/El Ligero match was more fun to watch. Big Damo and Jack the Jobber come out for a big brawl to end the episode.

This was an up and down episode of WCPW Loaded. The two big matches delivered, but the first few segments dragged with all the interviews and so-so matches. Hopefully in the future they balance out the segments better and fix those pesky audio problems.