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Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s Survivor Series 2015 Predictions

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By Frank Lucci

Survivor Series was once one of only four Pay-Per-View events the WWE (then WWF) put on per year. With the unique elimination tag team setup, Survivor Series became a must-see Thanksgiving event.

However, with Money in the Bank supplanting Survivor Series in importance the event has struggled to live up to it’s own reputation.

With last year’s Team Cena vs Team Authority main event (and the debut of Sting) helping breathe life into the PPV, this year’s edition of Survivor Series seeks to up the ante with a celebration of The Undertaker’s 25 year career and the crowning of a WWE World Heavyweight Champion after Seth Rollins’ knee had enough of wrestling Kane and promptly  self-destructed.

But with WWE’s uneven booking, even these high-profile events have felt fairly lackluster and the mid and lower card matches faring even worse. With that in mind, here are Spaceman Frank’s Survivor Series 2015 predictions.

Traditional Survivor Series 5 on 5 Tag Team Elimination Match (Who the Fuck Knows vs. Are We Supposed to Even Care?)

The WWE has announced a traditional Survivor Series match for this event but has given zero clues as to who will be involved, thus making this a clear time waster for a PPV.

If I had to wager a guess I would say this will be a face versus heel match that means fuck all but will be entertaining with the right talent involved.

My dream scenario is The New Day (who appear to be not defending their Tag Team Titles on the show) teaming with Sheamus (again, who has nothing going on despite being Mr. Money in the Bank) and King Barrett taking on Cesaro, Neville, The Dudley Boyz and Ryback. Regardless of who are on these teams, considering how little build this match has gotten expect the faces to win.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Tyler Breeze (with Summer Rae)

A natural pair of rivals, this match will hopefully serve as an impressive PPV debut for Breeze, who could use a win after losing to Ambrose in the Deadly Games 2: Electric Boogaloo tournament. Hopefully WWE writers have learned from NXT that an aggressive Breeze is the best Breeze and have Prince Pretty take it to Dolph and pick up the win. With Summer Rae having feuded with Ziggler in the past (and seeing his junk) it makes sense for her to help get Breeze a win that kick starts a feud that goes smoother than Ziggler vs Rusev did.

Charlotte (c) vs. Paige (Divas Championship Match)

First off, this match has been overshadowed by the controversial segment that finished the go-home edition of Raw where Reid Flair’s untimely death was brought up. While I personally have nothing against bringing a wrestler’s personal life into a storyline if they and their family is fine with it, this does not look like the case here. Both Ric Flair and Reid’s mother have said they were not aware Reid’s death would be put into the story, which is a major oversight of Charlotte and the WWE’s part.

It should also be noted however that Charlotte has been very vocal in different interviews and WWE programming that it was Reid that convinced her to try pro wrestling and considers her career a tribute to her late brother; so perhaps it should be less shocking to fans that he was mentioned on Raw. Jim Ross pointed out on his website this has lead to people talking about Reid Flair and not Charlotte versus Paige.

As for the actual match between the two, I see Paige upsetting the champ and winning the belt. Although Charlotte has been wrestling very well since coming to the main roster, she seems to be uncomfortable with the title and spotlight on her and may need to spend more time as challenger than champion.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Tournament

Roman Reigns vs. Alberto Del Rio w/ Zeb Colter (Semifinal)

Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose (Semifinal)

Rather than predict the two semifinal matches separately I’ve decided to lump them together because the outcomes seem fairly obvious.

Long story short: Reigns looks destined to be champ and Del Rio already has the Gob Bluth “I’ve made a huge mistake” look in his eyes. Reigns wins and hopefully nukes Mexamerica out of existence.

As for Owens vs. Ambrose (which should be match of the night), as tempting as it is to say Owens gets the sneaky win for a heel vs. face final; it’s extremely unlikely. Owens already has the Intercontinental Championship and can serve as the de facto top heel of the company – but only if there is no heel turn to end the night. Which brings us to…

Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose (Tournament Final for Deadly Game 2: Electric Boogaloo)

It seems clear from the moment the WWE revealed the bracket for the tournament this match would be destined for the final.

Hell, if not for Kalisto’s upset win over Ryback most would still have a perfect bracket.

That being said, who walks out champ is a much murkier outcome.

Will Vince insist that Reigns, tall, dark and handsome as he is, walks out as a babyface champ? Will the WWE realize that nobody is going to pick Reigns over Ambrose (considering Reigns was literally handed the belt by Triple H before the tournament started while Ambrose has served as Reign’s second banana since the summer and makes for a much more interesting underdog babyface story)? Will Ambrose turn heel? Will Reigns turn heel? Will Paul Heyman show up regardless of winner and declare that Brock Lesnar will challenge for the title? Will John Cena burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man to remind everyone that you can’t be the man until you beat the man? Will Big Show ruin everything like he always does? Will Triple H just say “Fuck it” and declare himself champ? Will the WWE go back to the well and have a legend show up to save the day? Is that legend Rick Steiner?? BY GAWD MAGGLE WHO KNOWS!!!

…But seriously it is probably going to be Reigns and we will have to accept that.

The Brothers of Destruction (The Undertaker and Kane) vs. Two Members of The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman)

What could have been all of the Wyatt Family taking on two legendary figures and two guys who get instant credibility by standing with them somehow got turned into a normal tag match.

This is better how?

With ‘Taker and Kane’s combined 98 years of age having to take on Wyatt and the big-ass strongman this figures to be a “methodical” (i.e. slow) match. The crowd will be into it because The Undertaker is actually wrestling on two PPV’s in a row, but what was a easy layup for WWE creative has been fucked up by a combination of lazy writing and the fact that FOR FUCK’S SAKE IT’S SURVIVOR SERIES PEOPLE EXPECT A TEAM ELIMINATION MATCH.

Hopefully the Wyatt’s win because we have yet to see Strowman do much besides stand around and Bray simply can’t keep getting pinned by every babyface on the roster. Plus if Taker (and also Kane) are truly retiring soon, then they owe it to the WWE to actually put over somebody who works for the company full time.  If they can’t be bothered to find two worthy wrestlers to team with, then they can lay down for two wrestlers who can use their rub.

Pro Wrestling

Spaceman Frank’s WWE Hell in a Cell 2015 Predictions

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By Frank Lucci

Hell in a Cell 2015 promises to be one of the more memorable pay per views of the year, but for all the wrong reasons.

What should have been a stacked card that has been built up expertly over several weeks  has turned into a plate of hot garbage. The WWE has managed to waste appearances by Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels and Stone Cold Steve Austin (side note: HOW THE HELL DO YOU BOTCH STONE COLD’S RETURN?) and filled the top matches with aging superstars instead of the hot young talent who WWE can’t even be bothered to come up with feuds for despite having around seven hours of weekly programming to fill.

Despite all this, there are a few matches with potential on the card that should give fans something to cheer for. Here are the predictions for Hell in a Cell 2015.

Preshow Match: Dolph Ziggler, Cesaro and Neville vs. Rusev, Sheamus and King Barrett.

This match was originally supposed to Randy Orton and Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper and Braun Strowman, but apparently Orton has hurt his shoulder (again) and Harper was removed from the card because of a family situation (wish him the best). Harper lives in the same suburb of Rochester as me, so this slight is unforgivable. Anyway, this match features six men who have nothing going for them unless you count being Mr. Money in the Bank, a former world champ or being european as something.

Given time this could be a great match, but it will most likely be a ten minute snorefest as JBL yells about Mountain Dew and Premier League Futbol. The face team will pull out the victory because Rusev needs to be punished for having his fiance’ be excited they are getting married instead of keeping that shit on lockdown and Barrett and Sheamus aren’t allowed to have nice things in general.

Kevin Owens (C) vs. Ryback (Intercontinental Championship Match)

Vince McMahon most likely booked this match during his play time where he smashed the two superstars action figures together like a five year old before realizing he could make this happen in real-life.

WWE had a chance to develop this feud after Owens won the title by cheating but instead they just had these two bounce around aimlessly. With no added stipulations to raise the stakes, expect Owens to cheat again to win to show how despicable he is in a lackluster hoss fight.

John Cena (C) vs. TBD (US Championship Open Challenge)

I can see Cena’s match breaking down in three ways:

1. Newly called up wrestler Tyler Breeze answers the challenge and sneakily wins the championship from Cena to give Breeze some much needed rub considering his NXT run ended with him losing over and over again at Takeover specials. Perhaps Breeze could hit Cena with the “Beauty Shot” or the “Unprettier” and injure Cena’s nose again to get the victory. On Raw the hurting Cena could be taken out by Lesnar or some other force so he can take his time off and have  feuds ready to go.

2. The New Day shows up and use their numbers game to take down Cena and give Xavier Woods a championship (as he is on the sideline for their title defenses 90% of the time.) Then The New Day could get some real heel heat by dismantling Cena and knocking him out of action so they get more boos from the WWE target audience of children. Then when Cena comes back he can heroically overcome the odds yet again (despite almost never losing a single match) because BIG MATCH JOHN MAGGLE.

3. Dolph Ziggler challenges and beats Cena for the championship using some less than heroic tactics. Ziggler goes full heel the next night which leads to Cena being taken out for his vacation. This ties into the “Total Divas” storyline and allows Ziggler to take on some fresh opponents. No matter what, I expect Cena to lose (if you couldn’t tell).

The New Day (C) vs. The Dudley Boyz (WWE Tag Team Championship)

The WWE had several chances to put the titles on the Dudley Boyz. The forgettable Madison Square Garden show, for example.  But instead had The New Day repeatedly disqualify themselves to keep the titles. This is good heel tactics, but at least point switching the championships would be fairly anticlimactic.

With the Dudley Boyz once again getting a rematch with no added stipulations, The New Day will likely win, Xavier Woods will get destroyed afterwards, and the tag team division will keep spinning it’s wheels.

Charlotte (C) vs. Nikki Bella (Divas Championship Match)

With the Divas Revolution quickly losing steam, Charlotte (and by extension, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks) need to do something to capture the magic that the NXT women’s division has. Feuds with Team Bella is not the solution. Charlotte wins, Nikki films an episode of “Total Divas” about how sad she is about it, and the WWE gives Sasha Banks (who clearly is the fan’s choice for favorite new Diva) a shot (and maybe gives Becky Lynch something to do besides hang out with Ric Flair at ringside to cheer her bestie on).

Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt (Hell in a Cell Match)

This feud started out promising, but overall the Reigns vs. Wyatt program has shown how far behind Reigns is compared to Wyatt and his BFF Ambrose. BUT HE’S TALL AND TAN BY GAWD so now we’re stuck with him.

Wyatt has attempted to keep people engaged with this feud by delivering his signature promos, but after three months of his “anyone but you” schtick it is time for this to end.

By the way, nice of Wyatt to summarize the internet’s feelings about Reigns and help us feud with him by proxy. Reigns did his best to get us emotionally invested in him with his infamous “I’m doing this for, like, my family and stuff” promo, which only went to show how much better Wyatt is as a talker and how much more natural charisma Ambrose has. At the go home Raw, the WWE then tried to get people hyped by bringing out Ric Flair. Instead, Flair puttered around the ring and said Reign’s name to try and get the crowd to pop.

I guess it was better than Flair bursting into tears every time Charlotte wrestles.

With rumors of Reigns winning the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania circling again, Wyatt will lose this match as he always does, then find another guy we hope he will defeat and gain momentum, but ultimately end up jobbing to.

Seth Rollins (C) vs. Kane (World Heavyweight Championship Match)

Does anyone else feel like this will be the bathroom break match between Hell in a Cell matches? The Corporate Kane/Demon Kane thing is kinda funny, kinda meta, but does not belong anywhere near the championship picture. Have this be a random offshoot of an Authority storyline, but not something involving Rollins, who goes from wrestling AARP Sting to wrestling a 48 year-old guy who is an honest to God grandfather.

Can we get this guy a challenger who works full time on the roster and is under the age of 40?

Another side note to this feud: way to bring out Shawn Michaels to bury the champ and eat some kids pizza (which probably cost $8).

Rollins vs HBK would be a bonkers match but it will never happen and Michaels did not seem to care much about selling people on Rollins or his match.

Another legend wasted.

Please let this be a swan song for Kane, who deserves to bow out in a decent match for all he has done for the WWE over the years. While he should not be gunning for the championship, he should have a nice moment to close his career out and transition to becoming HR Representative Kane to counter The Authority’s thuggish tactics.

Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell Match)

WHO’S READY FOR SOME TORTURE PORN???

Seriously though, I fear for the Undertaker in this match. The guy had a massive concussion (which by the way, never stopped him from competing while Daniel Bryan continues to sit out) after WrestleMania 30, then collapsed after his match with Lesnar at Summerslam.

Clearly the guy cannot hang with Lesnar anymore and should not be doing this. Any enjoyment to be had will be mixed with the feeling that Undertaker can be legit hurt at any moment (I know the point of Hell in a Cell matches is to be dangerous and violent, but at some point you need to step in and say enough is enough).

Brock wins, Undertaker has his big retirement hoopla in Dallas at WrestleMania 32 and rides off into the sunset. Personally, I’d like to see ‘Taker vs Bo Dallas in a easy squash at ‘Mania so the crowd can watch the legend take a bow and not worry about whether he can walk on his own power after the match.

#DallasinDallas people make it happen!

Pro Wrestling

WWE Battleground Predictions

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After a much needed five-week break, WWE starts up the second half of its calendar year this Sunday with Battleground.

Taking place at the Scottrade Center in Saint Louis, MO; the event looks promising. Here are our predictions for the evening.

Kickoff – King Barrett vs. R-Truth: Barrett started the year as Intercontinental Champion and became the first King of the Ring in years. To most people this meant big things were on the horizon for the Bare Knuckle Brawler. Creative on the other hand, had other plans. Barrett has become in a meaningless opening cared feud with R-Truth over R-Truth mocking his kingship. While we think Barrett is going over in a decent match, he deserves better.

WWE Tag Team Championships Match – The Prime Time Players (c) vs. The New Day: The two teams have a decent rivalry going and have the full attention of the WWE Universe. If the two teams get decent time they will put on a clinic. It would have been better to see The New Day lose their titles at SummerSlam, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles. The Prime Time Players are a hot commodity and are going to successfully defend at Battleground.

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus: Even though this match comes off as filler, Orton and Sheamus will push each other to the limits. Since winning the Money In The Bank Briefcase Sheamus has not really done a whole lot and a win over The Viper would elevate the Irish brawler. However benficial that may be, we think Orton is still going to walk away with the victory.

WWE United States Championship Match – John Cena (c) vs. Kevin Owens: This is the match we’ve all been waiting for. These two modern day gladiators have put on two classic matches and creative have carefully built this beautiful feud. The only concern everyone has is the payoff. If all this was is another Cena “defying the odds” angle, the Saint Louis crowd could riot. For the love of God, win Owens, win.

Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt: The promo work has been better than expected between these two as the Eater of Worlds has chosen to make this feud personal for Reigns. Threatening family and friends, Wyatt is looking to torture Reigns. It would be interesting to see Wyatt walk away with the three count, but it’s a little more likely he will be doing the job after an exciting encounter.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match – Seth Rollins (c) vs. Brock Lesnar: Why couldn’t WWE wait for SummerSlam to pull the trigger on this one? The build has been incredible. Watching Lesnar destroying J and J Security’s car was priceless. Rollins is playing the excellent ass-kissing heel to a t. Paul Heyman has been visceral in his promos. It would have made more sense for this to take place at WWE’s number two show of the year, but we’re getting it a month early instead. Lesnar is going to dominate, but Rollins is going to pull all the stops a-la Ric Flair and win. It won’t be clean, but we don’t see Lesnar repeating his title reign of last year.